A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do all guys cheat? Could a lot of nagging lead him cheating? Long dinstance? or what are some things that may lead a boyfriend to cheat? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): Hi, yes, I think it could and I really disagree with all this stuff about 'once a cheater always a cheater' etc and that cheating makes you a bad person. I've cheated before and it is always because i have been really unhappy in the relationship and some needs werent getting met? Was it cowardly? maybe, but life just aint that simple. Sometimes it's hard to get out of a relationship, oh and it doesnt mean you dont love the person you're cheating on either. Ijust hate all this hate mail about cheating and people presume they know all abotu why people cheat, i.e. they dont respect you, they're dishonest, dishonourable people. I just take exception at these types of comments. I one of the most loyal people you can find, but if you make me unhappy for long enough, well....I personally think that most men would sleep with more than woman at any given time if they could. That doesnt mean they would necessarily cheat if they could but the desire is there, definately.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Cheaters will cheat and give you whatever reason they need to give.
1. he's too far away (long distance)
2. she nags me too much (and this makes me UNHAPPY)
3. he ignores me too much
4. she's cheating on me with her online friends
5. his sex drive is not as strong as mine and I need more
or any other reason they can come up with
Basically if a person cheats its' because they are not happy and their needs are not being met in their own mind and they are too chicken to end the relationship
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2011): a cheater will cheat regardless of what you do. dont stress yourself out about this.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 Things that lead to cheating: no sense of loyalty or respect for your partner, a lack of backbone and dignity, cowardliness, selfishness etc etc. A cheater is a cheater by nature, nothing "drives" him or her into it. It's just a part of who they are. They, of course, love to blame everyone else for their actions though, but in the end people ARE responsible for their own actions.
A person who is not a cheater will respond to nagging etc. by having a talk about it, by leaving the partner, by working out a solution.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 No, and that's the typical excuse of the cheater . I cheated on you because you were nagging too much... because you were too clingy... or too distant... because you overcooked the roast... because because because.
People cheat because they consciously decide to, period.
Now, nagging is bad, wrong, futile and eventually can destroy empathy and communication in a couple- so it's not that nagging can't do any damage . But the sensible ,logical reaction to an irrepairable disharmony is leaving, not cheating.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2011):
 No. Though nagging do lead to one person ignoring the other, or at least they stop really listening.
Cheating is something a person CHOSE to do. IF the nagging is driving said person up the wall, breaking up would make far more sense.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 October 2011):
 No, all guys dont cheat. That is like saying all women cheat - it is simply not true. Some people cheat, male or female, and others dont, it all depends on the person and the situation they are in. You cannot generalise and say ALL members of one sex cheat because that is unfair to the millions of men that have never cheated and never will.
As for what makes you cheat - I believe it is lack of communication about the problems in your relationship. Often people are having relationship issues that are making them unhappy, but rather than talking to their partner about it and dealing with the issues, they sweep their problems under the carpet to hide them away and seek comfort elsewhere, in the arms of another person.
That isnt always true - some people simply cannot be faithful and are not suited to monogamous relationships as they are too easily tempted by attractive people and that leads them to cheat. These people have no hope and you cant change them - they simply are the type that you can classify as 'once a cheater, always a cheater'.
As for the nagging (I presume you nag a lot and are worried your boyfriend will cheat because of this) - yes it could lead to cheating, as part of the scenario I outlined above with the poor communication - if your boyfriend is unhappy with your nagging and doesnt talk to you about it he may well cheat rather than deal with the problem. Nagging is frustrating for men, it seems pointless and it gradually wears them down, making you (the woman doing the nagging) seem boring, dull and repetitive. So when you have a nagging partner, it may be an option to seek excitement and fun with someone else because their partner is no longer fun and exciting because of the nagging. However if you have a good relationship hopefully your boyfriend would speak up if he was unhappy with your nagging rather than cheat. And you can make sure you dont nag - if you want him to do something ask him once, explain why you want him to do it and when it needs to be done by - and leave it at that. If he doesnt do what you have asked, well that is another conversation. But at least you have given him the opportunity to just get on with what you have asked without telling him a million times and getting on his nerves.
Long distance again, with poor communication in the relationship, could lead to cheating. LDR's are very hard anyway, a lack of physical contact with the person you love is hard to deal with and if you are the type of person who is easily tempted by the opposite sex then cheating is a possibility.
There are millions of reasons why a person might cheat, and millions of factors that could lead to cheating - but the best way to ensure it never happens is to ensure you communicate frequently, you are open with each other, you can tell each other when something is making you unhappy without having a fight, and then you can work together to make things better.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (12 October 2011):
Imagine if you had a boyfriend who was constantly nagging at you, and then you went out with friends and met someone who showed you positive attention and made you feel good about yourself. Perhaps you would be tempted to cheat? It's not nothing to do with being a guy or girl, if you are constantly feeling down because of your partners behaviour then of course, sooner or later, you are going to wonder that there must be better out there.
Life is short, and relationships rarely last forever. Is nagging really necessary? Sometimes you just need to take yourself and life less seriously, and learn to enjoy it more. Someone who can enjoy life and be easy going is what is attractive, NOT someone who is nagging all the time.
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A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (12 October 2011):
a lot of nagging could contribute to someone cheating not directly but in contributing to a general negative tone of your relationship and driving your partner away from you emotionally. Which then makes them more susceptible to cheating if they haven't left the relationship with you yet are feeling very negatively about you.
a big reason why people cheat is because they have unmet needs in their relationship or feel very negatively about their relationship as a whole (and yet don't want to break up officially for a variety of reasons such as kids or money).
A lot of nagging can and often does lead the other person (the one being nagged at) to feel very negatively about the relationship and about you. Constant nagging devalues your partner and shows disrespect and lack of consideration to them. It's treating them like a child rather than an equal which is insulting. It's being inconsiderate of their needs and opinions and perspectives, it's saying that what you want or your perspective, is the "right" one and they should go along with it no matter how they feel. it's saying that they are not worth your effort or consideration to have a respectful conversation or negotiation about the issue instead they have to do what you say.
If this happens constantly in a relationship it's really hard for the other person to not eventually cut themselves off emotionally from you. And when people are no longer emotionally invested in their partner, there's little to stop them from feeling or naturally developing that missing emotional connection with someone else (since as humans we all have basic emotional needs) if they haven't left you and the right person comes along.
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