A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 16 and for the last few months have been spending a lot of time with a neighbour and family friend. He's an amazing mentor and we read philosophy and poetry together. I've never been as close to anyone and he's my best friend. I know he feels the same and we've begun to say I love you. I've been reading all this philosophy and it really does seem like age is just a number and if two people love one another, society shouldn't be allowed to say it's wrong. He's not pressuring me and this is something I want but I still worry that he is a lot older than me. What do others think?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 Who is the custodian of your soul?
Do you live by other's standards or do you live by your own standards ?
Will you be unhappy if other's tell you that it is wrong?
If you can answer those questions , then you have the right answer to that original question.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Here's an idea. How about reading some philosophy books on friendship and love together. Plato, aristotle and the others tackle this question in some depth. There's one book I particularly love (used to read to my ex) by Stendall? (can't spell) called "On love". In this story he's in love with a married woman who dosen't know he's alive. He so beautifully written and he really captures the obessive nature of unrequited love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Your from the UK and your legally allowed to spend time or have sex with anyone you want. You haven't said how old this man is, but it dosen't really matter. You like him, he likes you, legally your not doing anything wrong.
I love philosophy too, I love talking about it with someone and sharing ideas on the books I have read. Unfortuantatly there are not many people that share this interest with me, so when I find somebody that likes philosophy I don't care if the 50 or 500, blind, deaf and dumb. All I see is someone who shares my interests and values and is great at conversation.
You don't say if he's married, single or dating somebody and this would be the only reason I can see for relationship developing. It's hard dating somebody older because usually you don't share the same interest, but this dosen't seem to be the case here. Be careful that your not falling for him simply because he's one of the few people to talk to. There are other people that like philosophy, some even the same age as you. Go to a class, (I did) and you'll plenty of young people there.
If you feel like it's love then take your time and get to know each other. I would hate you to lose this friendship because your falling for each other for the wrong reasons. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Age does NOT matter. of course, for alot of people, it causes problems, for several different reasons on many different aspects and levels. But, doesn't EVERY relationship have problems? And if you can not pass these problems then you will never be able to face your trials.
Don't let anyone ever make you feel like you do not deserve what you want! Age is no concern, you can fall in love with someone of any age.
It's like this, when you meet someone for the first time, and you grow more and more close to them, developing a strong ad intimate relationship, you see PAST the age difference.
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A
female
reader, Lauraaa :) +, writes (26 February 2008):
 It does not matter at all. Not now you're legally allowed to have relationships with older men anyway. If your feelings are strong for him then why not go for it? :) Tell him how you feel.
Older men are far superior to boys. More mature and not as idiotic.
Good luck!
xxx
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (26 February 2008):
 I know what you mean. Sometimes you fall for someone who, as far as social conventions go, is totally, completely wrong for you.
What you have to decide is which do you think would make you happiest? You can either stop seeing this man, probably miss him horribly, yet keep on living life simply and respectfully without worrying your parents and without all your friends going "Ewww, he is old enough to be your father!" (How old IS he, abouts?) Or you can take this chance that you two would be compatible, have a loving relationship with him, yet totally freak everyone else out.
I'm not saying you should do either. I am your age and recently I have fallen for a guy who is 18 years older than me. At first I told myself that it was stupid and pointless, and I should try to find someone my own age. But love doesn't work like that. It takes a long time to fade. I've never met anyone else who really understands me (and I him) like he does, so I'm reconsidering... maybe I'll just go for it. You only live once, right?
Just make sure you'll be safe and that you're not going to get hurt from this at all. He sounds a decent kinda guy, but be careful anyway.
Message me if you wanna talk about anything xxx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): Two people can be very much "in love" with eachother with a wide age gap. (And you can be very much "in love" when you are 16.)But just because you may really be feeling this way about each other, that does not mean that it is in your best emotional/developmental interests to pursue this relainship further. The thing that teenagers have such a hard time understanding is that these intense feelings can come from a lot of people during your lifetime. (And they don't only come from people that won't emotionally hurt you, either.) Making a wise romantic "purchase" doesn't come from "buying" the first person you test out and have good feelings about. You really NEED to let cold hard logic come into play and overrule your feelings sometimes. If you don't, it's YOU who really ends up getting hurt and messed up. And just because a person would never wish to hurt you, that doesn't mean that you won't end up being hurt by that person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I think you are worrying about your own impending lack of self-control. At 16, you are physically mature but not mentally. If you have doubts, which you must have to write here, then don't allow this relationship to progress beyond platonic. Age definitely does not matter but only when BOTH partners are mature ie the youngest 20.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Age has never been an issued to me, but i know it can be to others, UNLESS, you are just 16 and he is way way older, say 10+ years and to be honest, this is a bit unhealthy. How old is he? Please let us know and we can give an honest answer.take carexx
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female
reader, sue88 +, writes (23 February 2008):
My opinion age doesn't matter however it depends on the ages. Tigerlily says it all, i totally agree.
Becareful what your doing and Good Luck
Sue
x
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (23 February 2008):
Darlin you are 16... and you say he's a lot older, but you don't say how much. Honestly it sounds like you are teenager and he's an adult. The hard cold truth is age does matter. Age differences matter less when maturity levels even out. If there is a 10 year age difference, that matters a lot more between 16 and 26 than say 28 and 38. There is a lot about life and yourself that you still need to learn. If it's a 4 year age difference maybe that's not so bad. If it's a 20 year age difference then you need to let this go.
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female
reader, ItsASecret +, writes (23 February 2008):
Age is just a number, but I dated a guy once that was 10 years older than me, and it was fun and great at first... but later on, there were issues. There is a huge generation gap- we later discovered we had nothing in common!!! As much as you may like and care about someone, there has to be a solid foundation and at least being on the same page as your significant other. I agree with RossMcGowan, what EXACTLY is the age difference?? Any more than 5 years could cause some problems, but FOLLOW your heart. In the end, it could all be a great learning experience. Live and learn, darling! It is fully possible to fall in love with someone where there is an obvious age gap... LOVE IS LOVE. Good luck
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A
male
reader, RossMcGowan +, writes (22 February 2008):
Right em I agree fully... age doesn't matter I'm also someone who believes that society have given things labels and that so I do see your point. However when there is a BIG difference in age then there can be issues. For instance ok society has made it that age does mean something but in the long run, if this relationship was to leak or whatever, people may look at you differently - judge you. Also as a family friend, he would have to have a very good reason for doing what he is doing as it could jeopardize a lot. The main question that would have to be asked is what is the actual age difference??? If you are talking about more than say.. 5 years then for your sake in the long run i wouldn't risk it however if its lower than say 5 then i mean, from your point of view, i dont see much wrong with it.However you have to watch on what you say. " Love " is a strong word, so dont use it the wrong way.I hope ive helped and good luck, Ross
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male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (22 February 2008):
Hi,
I do understand what you are saying here, trust me I really do. But (why does there always have to be a but???) you are still very young. It is not so much the age difference as I do not thing that has to count for much, but the fact that you yourself are so young.
It is a fact that as we get older the age difference become less important. A couple who are 15 years different in age is the subject for the police if one of them is under the age of consent, if the youngest is old enough but still under 20 it is still a big problem for many people and the relative maturity can present its own problems. When the youngest is 30 a 15 year age difference may raise an eyebrow or two but is pretty much irrelevant and by the time both are older than 50 - who cares?
It is also worth pointing out that it is not healthy for an adult to become romantically involved with someone your age. In todays world there are so many other problems and dangers that it just is not a good idea for either of you.
That does not mean that you should not talk to him or exchange ideas, but it does mean that one or both of you need to be mature enough to say, we cannot risk this developing any further for a few years yet. Let's just be friends.
I would also suggest that you make sure that you stay close to a develop other friendships with people near your own age. At the very least it will widen your experience and help you to maintain a balance in your life.
One last thing, if this older man is married or in another relationship, then he is not treating you with the respect and honour you deserve. Neither is he doing the right thing by those who are supposed to be his family. If that is the case, then drop him like a hot potato because you will only end up with a broken heart. On the other hand, if he really is unattached, still be very cautious, keep it cool and maintain some distance and consider carefully what I have written earlier.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): How old is he?
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