A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a really bad problem. I have always been offended by fantasies my boyfriends have. I take them as a personal insult. I take porn use as a personal insult. It all started with my first boyfriend who was into milfs, I hated it. I always wondered why these fantasies remained and why I wasn't their biggest fantasy. I can't handle it, I don't fantasize about other people when i'm masturbating. I feel secondary to porn, I feel like they are better than me because they are better looking and better at sex. My first boyfriend said to me "You don't have to worry about me finding them more attractive than you, you haven't watched one with me yet." I just don't get why people fantasize when they are satisfied. This guy was looking at anyone but me (he was a teenager) I feel like my current boyfriend was doing the same. Does a woman have to look like one of these pornstars to get attention when she isn't there.
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2012): I have to disagree with Dorothy.
This IS all about you as it's YOU who are making so much more out of all of this than there is.
YOU are the one who has unrealistic expectations of him. Most men, and women for that matter, have fantasies that do not now, nor ever will, involve their partners. That's why we call them fantasies.
He isn't cheating and likely has no plans to ever do so and is more than satisfied with you and the relationship you two have.
But let's face it, by and large, the male sex drive is higher and if we demanded sex from you whenever we wanted it, wherever we wanted it, in whatever way we wanted it... you'd be a burned out cinder within the week.
Now that is obviously not what a good person does. So we masturbate and being visual creatures by nature (goes back to our caveman hunting days of having to have good visual and spatial reasoning to avoid getting eaten by animals with their own tricks) we find it easier to use porn as a visual aid.
The way I see it... if women can use these vibrators that are so far beyond what any man can be expected to do, that can produce orgasms that no human can possibly produce... and men are not allowed to say jack shit about it... then men can use porn. Simple as that.
Women have their sex aides and men have theirs. So long as he's not whacking it to porn over having sex with you and doing couply things with you, then this is just one of those things you are either going to have to learn to live with and understand or you can go and marry a priest or something.
All of that said... he wants you to watch it with him... and given that most guys consider porn use to be a private matter, that means he wants to make that fantasy a reality with YOU. Not them. But YOU. He wants YOU to be that fantasy, not that woman on the screen.
My advice is to explore that, you might find out something about yourself. But if you are truly uncomfortable with all of it, than don't. No one should be forced to do things they don't want to.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 May 2012):
Hi there. It could be curiosity, and nothing more.
It can become an unhealthy addiction, when he can't find anything more interesting to do.
It can be like a drug to them.
It's nothing that is your fault. This is all about him.
Perhaps he is bored with his life.
It might not really have anything whatsoever to do wioth sex.
It's more a case of filling a gap in his life where there seems to be something missing for him.
And NO, that missing thing isn't more sex.
It could be that he lacks a general sense of purpose and meaningfulness in his life.
Perhaps he needs to begin some hobbies, and fun things to do.
There is nothing you can really do to stop him doing this, it's up to him.
As you really don't like this habit of his, and clearly he shows no desire to stop, well then you might have to make a decision on whether you want to be with a man who relies so heavily on pornography in order to be content with his life.
That's not what you want.
It sounds like it is decision time - for you.
To stay - and tolerate this habit.
Or, to leave.
And NO, you don't have to look like a pornstar to keep a man's interest in you.
No man wants to marry a pornstar. Watching pornstars is just fantasy, and nothing more.
It's not real.
...............................
|
