A
male
age
51-59,
*hawncaff
writes:For those who have dealt with sociopaths, I have a question:Does a sociopath know he or she is a sociopath?In other words, a person who lives off using other people, seeing them as tools and objects, feeling no guilt...do they know they are acting this way or do they have absolutely no self-awareness?I wonder because ever since I broke from a woman who I believe might have been a sociopath, I alternate between feeling anger at the way she used and manipulated me (and others), and feeling sorry for her since she seems locked into this destructive way of relating to the world.I just wonder if it is a conscious decision to lie and take from others, or whether it is a pathology over which she has no control.Thanks for any thoughts you might have! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (1 March 2011):
shawncaff is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your replies.@Abella: Your description of the sociopath is chillingly accurate. And your point about feeling sorry of them is a good one: if you do, they will use it against you, so it is pointless anyway. I have no intent of going back to this girl I knew, but I still just wonder privately still if she deserves pity or anger. @CindyCares: Yeah, the way you say it, it hardly seems that a sociopath deserves pity because they do not seem to suffer--they only inflict suffering on others. But I am not convinced of that; I wonder if the sociopath feels a loneliness deeper than that the rest of us will ever know...@chickpea2011: Thank you for your words. Yes, although I did write the whole story here, you picked up on a lot of it. I realize it is not my role to help her, and there is little I can do anyway, given that anything I ever did to help her was looked at as opportunity by her to exploit me more. Thanks again.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Based on an experience I hardly want to recall i believe that a sociopath has absolutely no acceptance that anything they do is hurtful.
They almost have a detached curiosity and an achievement of satisfaction when they hurt, as if what they do is utterly justified.
They do not look back either to see the results of their inflicted psychological pain.
And i am in this instance not referring to physical violence, but instead psychological violence.
Such people put others through hell, yet feel justified with their psychological reign of terror.
Such as, 'if i twist the knife this far to the left and this far to the right. What will be
the outcome?'
Yet soooooo charming to those they need to impress to get what they immediately want..
Impossible, for a long time, to convince those not in the eye of the storm, that this is the same person.
Ever so convincing when it counts.
Only if hidden camera's hidden everywhere could the truth come out earlier.
Lying to others with no problems.
Character assasination of others behind people's back being a specialty.
Delusional.
For example, imagine a guy who is utterly repulsive by the standards of 99 percent of the population thinking he is irresistable to all women. That's the sort of thinking I mean. Go figure?
Imagine a frightening cruel temper that has grown men trembling - yet when confronted about it, the sociopath will have concocted a story that has some people feeling sorry for him?
Perhaps the only people who can counteract them are people who are very strong (emotionally) inside and have experienced similar before, and come through it and survived.
I do not think Sociopaths think nor act nor react like normal people. But I don't think it helpful to be forgiving of them. They inflict untold misery. They have no qualms about taking advantage of others.
They seem to lack understanding of what is right and proper and what is exploititive and unkind.
The cold chilling look they can give a person is horrible. They do not care who they hurt.
Yes i know they may be thought of as 'poor X, he's sick'
Well i would rather say he is toxic and dangerous.
That way i could better protect myself, as a sociopath will just take advantage of anyone feeling sorry for him or her. The sociopath will exploit that, as they see the empathic caring person as 'soft.' Such a caring person becomes a vulnerable easy target to exploit. As they are more likely to believe the sociopath's far fetched stories of how hard done by the sociopath claims to be.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Interesting question, and a tricky one.
Because often there is a very fine line between a callous, astute but "normal " scammer/exploiter and a real sociopath, and once you have been scammed it's not likely you have the chance to take them to a psychiatrist to know which is which.
According to medical literature, a sociopath has a shallow range of emotions, lacks empathy, and is unable to feel guilt, remorse or shame.
Moreover, while the terms sociopath and psychopath are being used more or less interchangeably, some important clinicians say that " psychopaths " ( think Ted Bundy or Charlie Manson ) are so because of inborn genetic and biological factors - "it's in their blood " , while sociopaths are the product of adverse social /familiar circumstances and of disfunctional upbringing.
So, at least in theory, psychopaths are just unable to see what they are doing as wrong, and sociopaths may be able to cognitively grasp it... but they just could not care less.
Anyway, your ex friend is probably locked into her destructive way to relate to the world.
There is an important point that you have overlooked ,though.
That in most cases this way to relate to the world is destructive to everibody around ,but themselves. Sociopaths
may live fulfilling lifes , (by their standards ) and just be frustrated because they can't prey and ruin and exploit as many people as they'd like ! it's not that they suffer from their condition- evidence is that apparently no psychopath/sociopath ever seeks psychiatric help without being
forced by family members or a court order.
So your question is a bit like asking " should I be angry at poisonous snakes, or should I feel sorry for them " ?
Probably neither one. A viper has no fault for being poisonous - and, at the same time, I don't think it 's unhappy of its reptilian condition and wishes all the time
it could be a kitten- her being poisonous does not make her suffer .
I 'd think perhaps you should save your compassions for people who really suffer- and just make sure you do not get bitten !
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Hi!It hard to answer your question, because you don't describe what really happened.. But sounds like you are frustrated and angry..I believe that some people are just selfish.. Could be lots of reasons why they have certain kinds of behavior.. Maybe family history, abuse, struggle living, money problems.. People are liars, used others for their own benefits because life made them become agressive, other words "no class"Whatever she did to you, I don't blame me to feel anger, frustrated, hurt, but I am sure you haven't done anything wrong.. I am sure you are a rational, smart man, caring just trying to help a human being.. Reality is that I feel sorry for her, that life was so tough on her and she needs to lie, use other people to survive.. At the end she's the looser, unfortunatly if she doesn't realize that, her whole life will be a struggle, tuff, hard, difficult.. Its sad! I feel sorry for her!!My advice to you, now that you know what she's really like, stay away from her..too bad but there's only so much one can do to help..I believe you help her enough, you don't deserve to live life worrying, feeling sorry for other people.. Life is too short, many good people out there and I am sure you deserve better... You deserve to be happy and stress free!!!Good luck and keep us up date!
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