A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I may be writing this prematurely but based on past birthdays, I'm seeing the same pattern forming. I am married to a man who is a gift giver. He loves it. He spends $100 each birthday and Christmas for his three adult children, also buys nice gifts for the in laws (adult children's spouses) and for the six grandchildren; not to mention his mom, step father and siblings. He even seems to enjoy buying gifts for my family members (assuming of course that money is plentiful enough). With his family, however, it doesn't matter if we eat beans for a week as long as we can pay for that new toy.Here's the problem. This generosity does not extend to me. Tomorrow is my birthday and he has already made comments that he doesn't know what to get me and he doesn't have much money. In the past, I've always said, "Don't worry about it. You don't have to get me anything and so he didn't". This year, I've said nothing. I know he is wanting to hear me say it's ok and let him off the hook but I'm not going to do it. Not this year. I've had to help bail him out of some financial matters this year that were the result of his poor choice in women before he married me and have been helping to buy Christmas gifts for all the kids, grandkids, etc while he has been laid off part of the time this fall. Nope......I ain't letting him off the hook. He can use his imagination and get me something small. I don't care about a big gift. I just want to know he cares enough to give me something. How can his gift giving come so easy for other people but not for me.He used to give me gifts before we got married but seems like he's forgotten how. I've been hinting at jewelry......haven't come out and asked him but thought I would at least give him some hints. What girl doesn't like something that sparkles, right? He made the comment that I wouldn't wear it. Well, I do have lots of jewelry (I brought it into the marriage--he didn't get it for me) and I usually wear the same pieces over and over but I love 'having' it. I love knowing I can put it on at any time and I love looking at it in my jewelry box. Dumb? Maybe... But he has every tool known to man and he sure doesn't use them everyday. Some he has never used. What is the difference?Comments? Anyone else have a hubby likes to gift everyone but his wife?
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female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Ah, being taken for granted, the biggest romance killer of all. You shouldn't even be put in a position where you feel like you have to say he doesn't have to worry about getting you anything. If he doesn't get you a gift this time give yourself the treat of making a scene about it. Happy Birthday for today :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): Hello. Hes taking you for granted because you let him off the hook. If youve been helping him out this year because of his poor choices in ex partners then you deserve a big present this birthday! Its no good giving him hints and saying nothing. You cant blame him if youre pretending everythings fine when its not. Tell him straight that youve had enough of being last on the list for gift giving and you expect more from him. But dont be cross with him. If hes always been led to believe its ok by you, you cant really blame him for not bothering much.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 December 2009):
I don't have a husband like this, but I have a father who is really self centred. All I can say is this. Men don't do hints. If he's not showing you enough attention and love, sit him down and say to him directly that you would like it if he showed you he cared. Ask him why he won't spend on you, but is happy to spend on everyone else. The problem is that you sound like a lovely lady who has put up with second best for too long. Stop accepting second best, stop with hints and make it clear to him that you need to feel loved, and that you don't feel all that loved at the moment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): It seems the situation has gone on so long that he thinks you don't care about getting presents. Tell him how you feel, that you want to feel loved etc. and what you would like to have.
Try not to compare with others and what their husbands do as there will be so many different answers it could confuse the issue. The key thing is what you want and how you communicate this to him.
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