A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm 17 years old, and I'm a lesbian. I'm talking to this girl, we'll call her "M," and she's about to be 14. We started talking through Facebook, and I didn't know her age by looking at her profile. She told me, and I had no problems with it. We've been talking for about two weeks now, and we had our first date last night. We went out to eat and we took a ride downtown.M and I have a lot in common. We have the same interests, she's going to be a freshman at my school in a week or two, and we call each other every night. I'm going to be a senior this year, and that's not a problem besides me graduating and going to college next year. M is mature for her age, and we're working just fine, but do you think we'll last a long time or just be a school fling?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2014): OP, If this question was asked by a 17 year old man about a 13 year old boy what advice would you give him?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): You seem very naïve to the reality of this situation. What you are doing is very, very wrong. Yet you don't even mention that in your post! You don't ask our opinion on the morals or legality of it, only if we think it will last.
You seem to think that because YOU don't have an issue with her age, that everything is fine but it isn't. Its not the age GAP that's the issue, but the fact she is 13!!!!!!!
You need a wake up call as a 17 year old having any kind of relationship with a child of 13 or 14 is very wrong indeed.
You could get into legal trouble, even go on the sex offenders register if the two of you do anything sexual.
The fact you are both female makes no difference. Women can be guilty of grooming young, innocent children too and you don't want that accusation hanging over you.
You say you have no problems with her age but you should have a problem with it. What if she was 9? what if she was 6? would you not have a problem as long as she was "mature"?
What you are doing is very wrong and you need to leave this girl well alone. You might not see the problem, but either you are blinded by your attraction into thinking what you want to think, or you are very naïve indeed.
In a few months you will be turning 18 and be an adult and able to do adult things, she will be 14 and a child. Why on earth would you want to have a relationship of any kind with a kid, a child, a young girl, when you are an adult?
If you cant see the problem with that then I suggest you grow up and get real as this is VERY serious. You need to be wary of befriending people on social media without knowing their age as it can have repercussions for you big time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): shes a child who is underage, you can be in serious trouble, leave her alone!!!
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A
female
reader, -BMBTL-  +, writes (7 August 2014):
 As previous posters have stated, this girl is under-age and she will think in a different way than you as you are older. She may act mature but the way in which we actually think about things at young ages changes with time, so what she thinks now at 13/14, she won't think when she is 16, even at 15.
I don't think it's very sensible of you, as for her age, it would be seen as her being vulnerable and you in a more trustworthy position, therefore I think it's best to leave her, let her act her age and explore avenues with people her own age as I don't think her family members would be too happy about the age gap.
Sure 3/4 years isn't anything when you're 20 and 23/24 but it really is when its 13/14 and 17. If you want the best for her, then the best thing to do is let her be :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): Your relationship probably won't last as long as your jail term. I don't think the state will take into consideration that you are the same sex. You are an adult. She is a child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): In the USA, your friend is under-aged. She is only 13 and not of a consensual age; not old enough to date really. Her parents cannot be so liberal as to let her date someone older; when she is still developing emotionally and physically. So neither of you are letting on that you're anything but friends. Once you hit 18, you'll have legal problems.
So I think you had better back-off now! You're lesbian and placing yourself in a very compromising position (if not illegal) by forming a "romantic-relationship" with someone only 13! If her parents discover the type of relationship you're carrying on, you could face charges.
I'm gay, so it's not that you're gay. You're too old for her!!! She has yet to learn what her sexual-orientation really is. I have a bad feeling.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (7 August 2014):
 I agree with honeypie and eyes wide open. The fact is that you are (almost) a legal adult, she is still very much a child of 13. For that reason this relationship is very wrong.
You are 17 and, presumably, over the age of consent in your state and almost a legal adult. She is a child under the age of consent barely into her teens. In the coming months you will turn 18 and will naturally have adult urges, needs and desires, yet she will still be child of 14. Therefore morally the relationship is wrong even if you don't progress into a sexual relationship - imagine what people would think if a man of 18 wanted a relationship of any kind with a 14 year old girl...! I'm sorry but he would be labelled a paedophile.
Whether she is mature for her age is irrelevant - it remains that right now she is very much a child of 13. The fact she is soon to be 14 doesn't change anything. For you to have a relationship with someone of that young age is morally and legally wrong. You could get into a lot of trouble and I also question your maturity in even being interested in a child so young when you yourself are almost an adult. She is barely out of playing with dolls and less than a year into her teens, whereas you are rapidly approaching adulthood.
Three years is nothing if one of you is 27 and the other 30, and 15 years isn't much if one is 45 and the other 60, BUT three years for a teenage couple is a huge gap. The difference in maturity, outlook, life experience, relationship needs and understanding of sexuality between a 13/14 year old and a 17 year old is massive.
I am also uncomfortable with the fact that, at 13 nearly 14, she is very young, inexperienced and going through the transitions, changes and emotional turmoil of being at "that age". At 17 you have every right to decide you are a lesbian and I respect your sexuality completely, but a 13 year old in no way is old enough to understand her sexuality enough to be having a relationship with another girl or decide whether she is straight, gay or bi. It would not be fair to add to that confusion by having a relationship with someone of that tender, confused age when so many of us question our sexuality.
You say she is mature for her age but nobody at 13/14 has the maturity or life experience to fully understand their sexuality, or to have an adult relationship.
You also need to strongly consider that, realistically, a 13/14 year old in a relationship with a 17/18 year old is going to want to be seen as an equal so will put on an act of being older and mature but it wont be real. She will probably claim she is ready to do certain things and say she feels a certain way when, in reality, she wont have the maturity to appreciate the consequences of her actions or words in the way that you would being older. She would be doing things she doesn't fully understand because she doesn't want to be seen as "young" or because she doesn't want you thinking she is immature. She would rush into trying to have an adult relationship at a young, innocent, naïve age when she is in no way ready for that.
To be blunt - I don't think many people would be comfortable with a 17 year old befriending a 13 year old on facebook to gain a relationship. Sorry but that is not right. If you were a man of 17/18 doing that to a 13/14 year old you would be perceived as being a sexual predator. Sorry but its true. You do seem very naïve and the fact you seem oblivious to the fact its not right (morally or legally) is a concern.
Mark
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 August 2014):
 It's actually a four year gap.... She's still 13.
Do her parents know she's dating?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 August 2014):
 She is under the legal age. You could get into a lot of trouble. How do her parents feel about you two dating? How do your parents feel about it? Do either even KNOW about you two dating? Are you both certain you are both lesbians? At her age I highly doubt it, and that goes for her being mature enough for dating. I know 14 year olds, I was one and I am mother to three who were, and grandmother to a current 14 year old. No matter how intelligent and poised they may seem, they are ALL still children nonetheless. Make sure the parents/guardians on both sides are seeing the picture clearly and let them decide whether a three year difference is too big.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2014):
 It's not OK because she is 14. She is still a child, you are still a child, even though you might FEEL grown up, at 17 you are LEGALLY still a child. In some states 15/16 is the legal age of consent (which means you can have sex at 16) many states though have the age of consent at 18.
You will turn 18 in a year, so IF you two are still together and HAVE sex, YOU can be charged with sexual corruption and labelled as a sexual offender. YOU need to think on that.
My oldest daughter is 14. She is a pretty mature 14 year old, she even looks more like a 16 year old, actually my 12 year old is more mature than her 18 year old cousin. BUT at 14 age is NOT just a number.
I think, you need to find someone your own age, and SHE needs to find someone HER age. 3 years IS a big gap at this age. Once SHE is 17-18 and you are 20-21 you will find that the gap is a lot smaller then at 14.
Have you talked to your mom/dad about this?
Personally I wouldn't let my 14 year old date a 17 year old. I'd like for her to hold off on thinking ahead of herself. At 14 she should enjoy what 14 year olds do, NOT try and have a grown up relationship.
I'm sure there are others who won't agree with me. This is, however MY opinion.
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