A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After my ex girlfriend broke up with me about 5 or 6 months ago we still continued to talk every once in a while; catching up from time to time, talking on the phone, texting etc. We dated for about a year and are both at different colleges and see each other about once every 2 months. Then in January we got to the point where she wanted more closure and therefore we stopped talking. It only lasted about two weeks and then she was wanting to talk again and know what i'd been up to. We saw each other about a month ago and she basically confessed her love for me. She said she'd tried to date but couldn't because she was still crazy about me and only had feelings for me. She apologized for treating me poorly recently, and told me she'd understand if I didnt still feel the same about her. I obviously did, but she later went on to say that she just does not want any commitment. We kissed and were all over each other like when we'd hang out when we dated. She even told me she loved me...The next few weeks and up til now we've talked about everyday. She calls me babe and baby still. She texts me goodnight and calls randomly to talk. She even got kinda upset whenever I didn't call or text for two days. We talk to each other the same way as we did when we were dating. We're both done with this semester in about a month and plan to hang out this summer. She continually tells me how she cannot wait til summer and how amazing its going to be to see me again. What I don't get is how she says all this but still doesn't want a boyfriend. Whenever we seem to see each other we fall for each other again and she seems to always tells me she loves me. I know she doesn't want a boyfriend or anything serious but I just don't get how you love someone, want to be with them as much as she says, yet still want nothing more. Even though she's so committed to not having a boyfriend, do you think hanging out all summer could change that. We hung out ALL last summer and the whole year before when we dated. Since we left for school we've seen each other about 4 times total. Any idea on what is going on here or any advice on what to do. I'm still soo crazy about her and can't wait to spend time with her, but I'm scared it's only going to make things harder because I want more. Do you think she'll change her mind the more time we spend together? She always says how seeing me makes it harder for her to still deny me as a boyfriend, yet has been making plans to spend a whole lot of time with me this summer...
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female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (7 April 2009):
I don't feel she has any intention in changing her mind, im really sorry but i don't think she sees you as that yet shes willing to lead you on so that you think there is a future. Whats even wore is the way you talk i can tell you really do like her and your feelings are deep and genuine. Take a step out and look back, see how she treats you, the way she acts, how she handles the 'relationship'. Shes not ready yet but she sure is giving you all the signs. Id give it some space, shes made it clear how she wants things even after all the time you've spent together so i don't think its going to change through the summer. Its ok to have fun but at the moment i think thats all shes looking for whereas you are feeling genuine love so your minds are going different ways and its going to make you clash. You want different things from the same relationship, it doesn't work. Your right, seeing her will make it harder its like being so close to something you can never have and i cant help but feel in some cases she may have enjoyed the situation? Toying with peoples feelings can cause real damage but like i say shes the 'fun factor' and right now thats all shes after. Personally id need space away from her but i doubt you will do this so talk to her, tell her you find it hard and thats why you wanted some time as you never know what she really wants and the constant mixed signals is confusing you.People dont usually change unless they see the problems for themselves, right now in her eyes shes doing no wrong maybe its about time you made her see its actually hurting you. That way if she really cared shed be honest with it and change how shes being. Best of luck
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