A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have recently found out that my long term partner of 10 years has been emailing another woman in a way I feel is wrong. here are some examples:Hi Nicijust a quick e-mail so you are in my contacts folder, hope you're ok and not enjoying the warm weather too much. Did you have a good night in Hull on Friday? hope you missed me.have a great timeMarkxxxand another;Merry christmas to you 2 sxcgoing to get very drunk over the next few days.have a good oneMarkI was horrified and very hurt and expected the worst that he was having an affair. When I confronted him he first denied knowing her name (mad when he had only emailed her few days before) then said there was nothing in it just innocent fun, It turns out he met her through some friends and in a group of guys has met her when out half a dozen times or so. I don't get it at all because it doesn't seem the way to talk to other women if things are good between us. In all this I also then found ( I went looking then) that he subscribed to adult websites where you leave your email address to the ones you like the look of and they can email you back - a few had done. I am confused. I can understand a man looking at other women even a pit of porn but looking for women to have email conversations with I don't like. Also the ones he had left his address to were in the UK so I'm left wondering if thats what he wants to make contact with other women who he could actually meet up with. So with both of these issues I have been feeling really crap he says he's sorry but I 'm left wondering if he'll keep doing it, if she is really someone who is having an affair with or would like to. I suppose I think maybe I'm being made a fool of. Any help would be appreciated.
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male
reader, wildman  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 Yeps, I am doing that myself right now, but it mostly serves as an outlet since my wife doesn't have sex hardly at all. Feels bad all the time she says.
I don't know why I do it, for excitement I guess. Worse than your husbands emails. Hard to top, kind of a fantasy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): Hi There,
Im not sure if this will help but a year ago I had a brief fling with a married man that started off with these kind of emails. it eventually led up to one night together, and then I never heard from him again until a few months later, when he rang to say that his wife had found some emails from back when we were emailing, and he said that he had thrown her off the scent, but asked me to please not respomd if she contacted me.
She never did, and I never heard from him again.
I wanted to share this with you, as he really regretted his emotional fling with me, and chose to stay with his wife. Now that he is aware you are suspicious, hopefully he will nip it in the bud with this Nici.
Im not proud of hetting involved with a married man, I didn't mean for it to happen, and it has caused me much heartache since. But sadly, these things do happen, as O now can testify, so I think you are right to be worried and I sicerely hope that he pulls himself together.
Good luck and Best Wishes xx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 January 2008):
 It would surprise me if a guy didn't ever sneak a peek at porn - for most guys, viewing porn is normal. But contacting other girls online? That and contacting someone after meeting them 5 or 6 times is cheating - having emotional dalliances. Asking someone else if they have missed you? Yeah, that's not cool. I would put my foot down over this, this is a deal breaker for me.
Has anything else happened in your lives recently? Has he lost his job or hit a ceiling at work? Been passed over for a promotion? If so, it could be the beginning of a mid-life crisis. I always recommend this book - Gail Sheehy; Understanding Men's Passages - Discovering the New Map of Men's Lives. Of all the books that I bought for Menopause, this was the only one that I read. It provided me with a great deal of insight. I hope things work out for you.
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