A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We were engaged two years ago, but we split up. I am almost 28, he is 56. Do you think age difference will interfere in our relationship in the future?HELP PLEASE
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female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Hi, The information you provided and the tone of this letter says, take your time with this, as far as marriage goes. It seems as if you will want a little more, than a comfortable life, you care about him, but the strength of that caring, does not seem to be enough to get you through the tough patches, when his age starts to be a real issue, especially if he smokes. My sister married a very nice man who was much older and who smoked. He developed lung cancer
and died, not too many years after they married, I'm not sure she is over the trauma yet. So you should take your time with this, a man more your age, who does not smoke and who stimulates you in the love department, more than just a caring love, might be worth waiting for. You have to decide, be a friend to him, would be my suggestion. Take care and good luck with your decision.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 June 2008):
 With what you've told us in your update, thank you for that, I think that the age difference WILL be an issue. If you want children, and he is only going to agree to keep you happy, not because he really wants them too, then that's a rather big difference in your priorities. As far as the sex life is concerned, I think there are plenty of men your boyfriend's age and older who are perfectly capable of sustaining a mutually satisfactory intimate relationship with their partners. If he's a smoker, though, this will more than likely become an issue later as well as possibly shortening his life expectancy.
You have to make this determination yourself of course, but try to imagine how life will be in say 10 years, when you've got two children under the age of 8 or 9, who are full of energy and running around. How will he be coping at that point? Then add another 10 years. You might well be raising the children by yourself then.
Others have made this type of situation work, and seem to be happy with their lives. I can't tell you what is best for you, but it seems you're questioning the viability of this relationship for the long term.
If you're not madly and deeply and passionately in love with him, hmm. If you are looking at him as providing stability and the financial means to live a comfortable life, well, that is one benefit of marrying him, but is that enough of a reason to do so?
Only you can tell in the long run what will be best for you, for your future children, and for him. Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWE split up because he said he did not want to have kids, I think because of his age, but now he considers if that will make me happy he will please me, but right now I think I see him as a nice person who can give me a good life, I love him, but in a different way, now I care about age difference, before I did not take that into account.
My heart tells me I love him, but tha reality tell me in the future I will dump him for being my father's age, He is as old as my dad. He smokes a lot and that is an issuee, in sex life he has started to take VIAGRA, I do not care that much about sex life (everyday) but in the future he will probably won`t be able to do anything.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (23 June 2008):
Hi, If two people love and more than that, if they like each other, they should be able to make the relationship work. Any relationship takes work, otherwise why would we have over 50% of the married population divorcing. In your case, this is a big age difference. If he takes care of himself, that could be a factor, because as you get older, there will come a time when you will probably have to be a caretaker. You must think about that, if you get married, stay together, at your age of 46, he will be 74. This could be a problem, but only if you resent the fact that he is as old as he is and you are still relatively young, if you remain together. A lot of things to consider, but again if the two of you love and like each other, and want to be together, I say go for it, but not without much consideration on your part. How about children, I remember Tony Randall, who married a woman who was 23 and I can't remember but they had two children and he was much, much older than she, it worked out. He had money, etc., but still there was the big age difference. If you get together, you must talk about it and it will be more on your side than his, as he will be happy to marry a much younger woman, if it goes that far. Good luck to you, follow your heart, but use your head as well.
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A
female
reader, Sophia_Sweetheart  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Only if you let it honey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): As Trisha has said more information is needed.
Relationships with a large age difference can be very hard, but it very much depends on the context and the circumstances of your own particular relationship. Give us an update with more information about what is troubling either you or him and we will be able to give you the advice you have asked for.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 June 2008):
We really need more information to advise you here. Did you split up because of the age difference? Or were there other issues that caused problems between you? If you haven't resolved what it is that ended the engagement, the age gap is just another thing to worry about.
There are many couples who successfully deal with the age gap issue and have great relationships.
The relationship will work if both partners are willing to face all the issues that may arise from it.
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A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx +, writes (23 June 2008):
 I couldn't really say whether i think that the age difference would interfere with you relationship, being the ages you are, but i have recently had to split up with someone thats 12 years older than me, just purely cos the fact that we were at two different places in our lives, we had been together for over a year and it was the best relationship that i had ever been in, but at the end of the day the age gap was just getting in the way of our lives, he was wanting to be all settled down and im just starting this whole new journey of college and uni and that, and generally we were just holding eachother back! But i suppose it would be different for people of your age, your more at a similar point in your lives than me and my ex were, if that makes sense?
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