A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidMy husband of 3 years told me yesterday he likes having dildo/vibrator in his ass, and this started when he was a teenager.the thing is its freaking me out that he might be bisexual, I asked and he said no. I did play it cool when he said it, did not want to him feel embarrassed to tell me what he likes. Long story short, do you all think it's alright for straight man like dildo or vibrator in their ass, does it make them bisexual.please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2021): Your husband said he liked to be penetrated (I must assume) with a dildo, or stimulated with a vibrator. Vibrations and penetration with sex-toys stimulates the prostate gland. Vibrators also stimulate other sensitive areas of the body.
You didn't indicate that he said he wanted another man's penis in his backside. Bisexuality is defined by having a sexual-attraction towards both males and females. With the exception of blowup dolls, meant to simulate human beings; sex-toys have no gender. Their shape specifies where they can be placed.
Maybe it's due to long covid-confinement, or a very hostile divided political-climate, rabid-news/caustic-journalism, and an insane social media...or just watching a lot of porn (or a combination of all of the above). It certainly seems as though a lot of sexual-secrets are being openly confessed between married-people, and showing-up here on DC.
Sometimes when a certain topic pops-up, I guess a lot of people have a story to tell; after reading a similar story posted by another OP. We know some of them are just trolls pulling our leg! Yet, a "supposedly straight-man" telling his wife he wants to use a sex-toy up his anus (or a finger in some cases); now that will definitely get your kind of reaction! What is a wife to think? Not everyone can accept this as a normal everyday practice among menfolk in the bedroom. Kinks will vary, for sure! People are just not hiding anything anymore.
You haven't known this over the past 3 years; so now you do. Did you ask him why he's telling you this now?
Just FYI, this isn't "coming out of the closet" to tell you he's into guys. It's not the same thing! For the record, all gay-men don't like dildos, vibrators, or anal-sex! Some straight-guys are into those things; but it's a shock to a woman who has never really expected hearing it from her own boyfriend or husband. There are strap-ons and various phallic-shaped sex-toys on the market; that can be used by either gender, regardless of your sexual-orientation.
Well, we live in an anything-goes/do-it, if it feels good society. It's now pretty common to kick-open your closet door; and overshare all your sexual-secrets, fetishes, and fantasies. No holds barred! Stuff rated way beyond "X"; and some are scary as all get-out!!! Your husband's is rather tamed compared to most!
Well, give it a chance to settle-down in your mind. Don't jump to the conclusion that he's gay, or wants to have sex with other men. That isn't what he told you!
I would presume, if he could go as far as to tell you that he likes using vibrators, or dildos up his anus; then he might as well have gone full-throttle, and said he likes guys. He didn't, but you panicked; and here you are!
Since he's being candid and has shared this. You may as well ask him if he IS gay-curious, or sexually-attracted to men? You're asking us, when you should have asked him. As far as we're concerned, we can't read his mind. We don't know your husband, and it seems he's pretty much ready to be open and honest with you.
If it's more than you want to know, you can ask him to keep it all to himself. It's not one of those things you can be told and just forget-about-it. It's TMI, but he's not hiding anything from you. Take that for what it's worth.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (22 August 2021):
 It has taken him quite a long time to divulge that he likes this, and i assume were were together for quite a while before you got married.
I don't think that this makes him gay or Bi, he just enjoys the feeling of it, and has also been doing this since he was a teenager. If a man actually penetrated him then of course this changes things, but inserting a toy certainly does not qualify for being gay or bi.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 August 2021):
 Being equally sexually attracted to men and women is what makes you bisexual, not sticking something up your butt. Has he shown any signs of being attracted to men? You don't mention it, so I assume he hasn't.
Well done for playing it "cool" when he told you. It's a shame he felt too ashamed/embarrassed to tell you before but he has been brave now and shared this information with you.
Nobody should be coerced into doing something with which they are not comfortable so, if you are not ok with this, perhaps compromise by letting HIM insert the object rather than you. Perhaps in time you will become more relaxed about it and be able to do it for/with him (if that is what he would like).
On a cautionary note: once the sex toy has been up his butt, do NOT insert it into your vagina without cleaning thoroughly, just the same as you would not insert something up your own butt and then insert it in your vagina, as the bacteria which live happily up rectums cause havoc in vaginas. Better still, have separate toys so that there is no risk.
Apart from that, experiment and - hopefully - enjoy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2021): No,it does not make them bisexual.What would make them bisexual would be if they enjoyed having sex,including anal intercorse,with another man.Anything else just does them people who like anal stimulation (and there are plenty of them, of any gender ).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 August 2021):
 I think men who likes anal (not with another man but a toy) have found that it gives them more enjoyment when the prostate is also "engaged".
Him liking a dildo in his butt, doesn't MAKE him gay or bisexual. If he wanted a MAN to have sex with him then yeah.
Being bisexual means SEXUALLY attracted to both sexes. He is not. He has just found that a vibrator in the butt gives an extra pleasure.
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