A
male
age
41-50,
*immy5883
writes:Hi all, i really need some help here !!I split up with my girlfriend of 9 months about 6 weeks ago and we've had a really tough time since saying some really nasty things to each other. She finished with me becuase she said she wasn't happy and needed some space. A week later on a Saturday night I went round to get my headphones as I was dj'ing and she had a nother guy round. I later confronted her about it and she said there's nothing in it we're just friends. Since then i've heard no end of different stories about her come out of the woodwork including her cheating on her dead husband when he was alive. I text saying I never wanted to see or hear from her again and put it on facebook what kind of person she is. The same night I went out with some friends from work and ended up sleeping with one of the girls from work who I really like, the only problem is she has a boyfriend of 5 years and has also been seeing someone else from work as well but i've slept with her again since and we're always texting each other. She says she really likes me and is going to finish with her boyfriend. My ex was still texting me so I told her i'm seeing someone and she basically said all she wanted was some space and still loves me. I went round to see her this morning and realised how much I still love her and care for her even through all we've been through. I told her the same. The problem I have is I still really love my ex but at the same time want to give it a go with the girl from work also my ex was controlling and never tried with my friends etc, does anyone think she would change if I went back to her or should I start fresh with the girl from work ? I'm really confused and don't know what to do !! Can anyone help ?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Your ex girlfriend sounds to me like she is over you.
The new girl from work sounds like a real loser and a slut.
She is a drama queen, here she has a "boyfriend" of five years (5 years? Who has a boyfriend that long at her young age?) yet she is sleeping around at work with a couple of guys and she is going to dump her long term relationship for you because YOU are such a super guy.
You are falling prey to her ego stroking. You aren't using your brain at all, you know that gray matter between your ears? Stop and think about what you are doing, don't just fall into bed with a woman because it feels good and think that she has Anything to offer you.
Don't trash your ex on Facebook for the world to see, it makes you look like a total douche bag, which I think you may be.
I agree stay single, figure yourself out, build your self esteem and create some future looking goals for yourself.
Leave both of these skanks behind and the next time you look for a girlfriend, look outside your workplace, keep drama out of your life and treat women with respect and only date respectable women, then you may actually be on to something.
A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (24 March 2010):
 If you truely loved your ex you wouldn't want to give it a go with this new woman. This should tell you it's over with your ex. You may still care for her, but your feelings aren't pure.
As for the new girl. How do you feel about being with a girl who is cheating on her partner of 5 years? Does this seem like the behaviour of someone worth having a relationship with? It's your choice. But in my opinion, if she cheats on her partner, it's highly likely she'll cheat on you too. Even if she doesn't, can you live with yourself, being the other man to an unfaithful woman? If this isn't a concern to you, why not give it a go?
I don't want to judge you(to each their own) but it seems like you're really not sure what you want. You may have feeling for both of these girls. But as you're undecided and could easily trade off one for the other, perhaps neither is the right girl for you. Perhaps it would be better for you and the girls, if you were to be single for a while until you find someone you can really dedicate your heart to. Have some no strings fun in the meantime if you can't bear to be truely single, with girls who also have no strings.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (24 March 2010):
Umm...your ex only wants you back because you've started seeing someone else. No, she won't change, she'll be better for a little bit, then she'll go back to her old ways. The new girl isn't any better than your ex in my opinion. It looks like you keep dating the same type of girl and inevitably you'll end up unhappy in either situation because you keep falling into the same type of relationship. I think you should take some time out and spend time with your friends instead of going directly into rebound mode and getting yourself involved in more drama. But judging by your facebook updates talking about your ex, sounds like you kind of like the drama.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): I concur. Move on to the new girl.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2010):
 I think ex's most often should remain ex's. Give the new girl a chance.
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A
female
reader, Luckie128 +, writes (24 March 2010):
Ok... I say leave both. The girl who has a boyfriend will do the same behind your back with another guy. Also, you may still have feelings for you ex, but it's clearly over.
Stay away from bad habits and look for something fresh- a new start without baggage.
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