A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm nearly 14 and still got smacked by mom! Me and my little brother who's 10 were fighting out back and mom caught us, smacked my bro's butt a couple of times with her hand then she took off her shoe and smacked my ass 8 maybe 10 times pretty hard with the flat sole - I was shocked and really embarrassed... my ass felt sore for few days after. When I told some friends at school (other girls my age) cus I was sitting funny, they laughed at me saying I was too old for that type of thing but one of them said it might be abuse and I should tell a teacher - I love mom and just want to forget about it - I was sore and embarrassed (she didnt pull my pants down or anything) but thats it, but I dont know whether I tell someone at school? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Be careful before you report this.
Sounds like your mom gave you a good slippering and maybe you deserved it, who knows. The point is, its not abuse. It will be more trouble than it is worth to report it, so I dont think you should. Just accept the punishment, move on and try not to get yourself slippered again!!!
Best of luck
A
female
reader, KrissyA  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 She treated your bro different cuz yur older and know better! That is so not abuse because, no matter what oprah says, she did it in love and trying to make you grow up well! I've been smacked and whatever and I'm 14 too! It's all part of dicipline.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): No dont get this confused with 'abuse', its not. Abuse is a continuous, terrifying and emotionally damaging.
Although social services would probably investigate (which if you love your mum you probably dont want to happen anyway) I doubt they would take it too seriously unless it kept happening. So think very hard before telling them.
At any rate a few pretty hard wacks on your bottom with a slipper/shoe or whatever is a wholly different thing to abuse. Personally I'm not sure its the best way to teach a young women that fighting is wrong but I dont know the whole story?
Perhaps you've been picking on your little brother, or teasing him for a while and your mum lost her patience with you? In which case maybe you deserved a good hidding? I might have done the same - it sounds like it did the job.
If getting slippered made you yelp out loud, left you sore and shocked and you've never been smacked like that before (another sign its not abuse) then you'll not want to feel that shoe against your bottom again for a long while.
The reason you got it with the shoe and not your brother, is at your age young lady you should know better and your mum probably felt this as well. It was probably more about embarrassing you in front of your brother more that it was about causing you pain (although I'm sure that was the intention as well).
I also think your friends are wrong about you being too old for it, both my neighbours daughters (12 and 13) in extreme circumstances are disciplined with a slipper so I've heard. Its just a different somewhat old fashioned way of dealing with bratty teenagers.
So just pick yourself up, give your mum more love than ever, learn a lesson and leave you little brother alone, (which I'm sure you will now) otherwise your bottom will have an unhappy reunion with her shoe which will undoubtably end in more tears and embarrassment.
Best of luck, its all part of growing up.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (25 March 2010):
 Spanking is not illegal in Britain, and it is not classed as abuse. You are not bleeding, your mother hit you on your bottom, not in the face, it was not a punch, therefore it cannot be defined as abuse. Nobody can say your mother is abusive, this has already gone to the European courts and British parents are allowed to spank children, this is seen as reasonable punishment.
However, social workers and teachers must investigate any reports of abuse. If you tell your teachers they will have to contact the social services, and yes, it may be possible that they may take you and your brother away whilst they investigate. But this is very, very rare. Once your mother explains what happens they will give her advice on better punishments for you.
Young lady, you at 14 are far too old to be fighting with your brother. If you act like a child, you deserve to get treated like a child. Start to act like a young lady and help your mother don't drive her up the wall. She is under a lot of pressure and she needs your help very, very much.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Think carefully before you tell a teacher. Once you do, they have a responsibility to inform social services and your mum will be investigated. This would usually involve a visit from a social worker to check on your home and make sure that you are feeling safe and secure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Is this abuse? I'd say no. Sounds more like an old fashioned walloping to me. Like others have said sometimes parents go a bit over the top maybe for a variety of reasons, who knows maybe she had a bad day?
The point is, it seems like she wanted to get your attention and 'introducing your bottom to the sole of her shoe' was the way she chose to go about it. Was it the right thing to do? Maybe not but it seems to have done the trick; your now sorry, embarrarassed, a bit sore and it sounds like you dont want to get smacked like that again.
The fact you say you've never been smacked like that before suggests to me that its not abusive or an on going thing. Your just shocked and embarrassed about it.
In which case I dont think you should bother telling a teacher, your friend probably means well but move on, behave yourself, and you wont get wolloped again.
You feel bitter about being the one 'who got it with the shoe' ...well it sounds like it was your attention that mum wanted to get more than your bro's and she didn't think a couple taps with her hand was going to do it. Your nearly 14 he's 10, you should know better and she probably thought wacking your bottom with her shoe would do the trick - it did - over the top, maybe, abuse no.
If you still think its unfair talk to her about it, it sounds like she cares.
In any case good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): Thanks everyone!
I feel a bit bitter that I was the one who got it with the shoe!! It was enough to make me yelp out loud, I've never been smacked like that before - or been sooo embarassed :(
Maybe she'd had a bad day like you say, I dont know?
I'll try talking to her now she's calmed down - Like I said I love her laods and I've got to think of my bro as well and dont want to get taken or anything
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (24 March 2010):
 no, it is not 'abuse'. don't worry. i think probably you and your bro had driven your mum mad - she was most cross with you, because you are older and should show your brother how to behave, and not fight. she wanted to show you that you can't fight, but it sounds like maybe she lost her temper.
ok, so it wasn't great of her to do that, but then you also had behaved badly in fighting (and i don't know the history - i guess maybe not the first time?). your mum is just trying to find a way of making you realise that it really IS important for you to listen to her and not fight.
abuse is something different. abuse is when someone deliberately, and often, on purpose, physically and or emotionally makes someone else feel frightened, hurt and humiliated. and they do it because it makes them feel good, and they have no respect for you. that is NOT what happened with your mum. she was only smacking you because she was desperate to find a way to get through to you. does she smack you all the time? does she do it for fun? do you feel terrified of her? no. so it is not abuse.
in a way, it is the opposite, as your mum wants you to have respect for your brother, yourself and her. she is trying to teach you respect.
ok, so, i don't think this is abuse. BUT, i do think it wasn't a great idea on your mum's part, and that she lost her temper. parents do sometimes - we are all just human. however, i think you really need to talk to her, and you need to stop fighting with your brother. i hope she will be able to talk to you.
i don't know how she would feel about how much she hurt you physically. in my opinion, she shouldn't have done this, but you will probably not know if she feels bad about it, because she won't tell you.
if this happens again, i think you need to talk to her about how it isn't right to do this to you. but also i think you need to listen when she tells you not to fight.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): no, i dont think this was nessisarily abuse. Just talk to your mom and talk to her about what she did and ask her to find a better punishment for you and your brother.
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A
male
reader, Chargers85  +, writes (24 March 2010):
 Its not abuse at all. Its quite common for the spanking thing to happen. It would be a different thing if she was just hitting you just because. She's just spanking your butt..its not like she's hitting you with a hammer. It takes a lot of patience for parents to raise kids..it drives them nuts sometimes with all the stress in the world and what not.
My parents spanked me..they even threw things at me lol but it
was more for a disciplinary reason. They love me and show it.. Just behave and the spanking should stop. Look at everything your moms does for you before you even contemplate abuse. Most people who might tell you its abuse or wrong don't have kids of their own..or have it really easy in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): I don't consider it abuse if this happened just this one time sometimes parents have hard days at work have to worry about making dinner paying bills and might fill stress and to hear some horsing around might had pushed her last button. You should talk to her and let her know that you feel you are to old for a spanking, ask her to try a different kind of punishment, and with any kind of punishment to explain to you why are you in trouble because believe me my child in most cases it hurts us to punish our kids but we do it for love and because we want them to grow up being mature and responsible beings. Double think on why you got the smacking and most important if this is the resolution your mother chooses to solve the problems all the time. Remember that if spanking happened just this one time and this is not the treatment you get at home, and you do tell a teacher about abuse and social service gets involve they might remove you and your brother from your mother's care because she might be a danger to you and your brother so think is she? But if you feel that you are getting abuse the best thing to do is get help!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): How is that abuse? You were missbehaving and she corrected you. You cannot expect your mum to hug you when you do bad things. I was often spanked by my parents when i missbehaved. It works really good now that I look back at it ;pAbuse is when your mum would slap you for no reason or for really silly reasons. You wasnt abused, just behave yourself as a 14 year old if you want to be treated like one and your mum wont have to spank you no more. Simple isnt it?Dont worry and just take it to become better next time. Take care. And remember your mum has her best intrests in her mind. She wants to raise you for a good proper young lady who doesnt pick on her brother ;pLots of love for you.
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