A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I dated my roommate for a year. It never progressed very far because every time I put pressure on him (which I have a habit of doing) he freaked out and pulled away. We really liked each other though so I always assumed the problem was living together.I moved out a couple weeks ago because the situation was getting too intense. It was an emotional goodbye, he said he was really sad and I sensed it wasn't over. I hoped we could now continue to date normally and without any pressure. For the next few days everything seemed great - he was texting me like crazy and making plans with me, etc.He then suddenly went very cold for a few days and I was really confused. We arranged to see each other at the weekend and I made the catastrophic mistake of asking him if I could stay over. He completely freaked out and said he just wanted to be friends.Do you think there's any chance I can fix this? If I stop messaging him for a couple of weeks and put zero pressure on him, do you think there's a chance he will want to date me again? I really want to be with him.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2017):
 No he doesn't want to date you, yes he likes you as a friend but you are to much for him. You move out and before he knows it you want to stay over again. He wants to be friends nothing more, its up to you now if you can handle only being friends or is a clean break for the best.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (30 June 2017):
 Nope,
He doesn't want to date you, it's really that simple. If he wanted the same things as you there would be no 'pressure'.
You're just making yourself look more and more desperate if you persist. He has very clearly told you he wants a friendship with you and nothing more. You need to respect that and if you can't then you need to distance yourself and move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2017):
 I agree with Honeypie, I think too you won't fix it.
Or, maybe you'll " fix it " in the sense that , if in a while he should miss you and contact you again ( whether because just horny or genuinely nostalgic, it does not matter ) he still will be offering the same casual arrangement that is not enough for you, and that you have unsuccessfully tried to turn into a relationship for a long time .
No, the problem was not that you were living together. The problem is that you want to be a couple and have a relationship with him, - and he does not want that . That's why he took , and felt, as pressure, your requests of more closeness ,like you asking if you can stay over the night.
Per se, it's not a request which would make a man " freak out " I think- unless he takes it as you getting ideas that he does not want you to get. The message is loud and clear : " Casual is fine. Coupley is not fine ".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2017): He just wants to be friends, perhaps with benefits. It seems while you lived together, the situation somewhat forced him to date you. You "pressured" him to.Once you moved-out, he was no longer obligated to pretend there was a blooming relationship. I think he didn't mind the sex, but he doesn't want a relationship with you.He didn't want you to stay overnight, because things were finally the way he wanted them. Just have sex, be friends, you go home, and not complicate things. Time to move on. The tearful goodbye was an act for your benefit. If you've been pressuring him; his tears were probably tears of joy and relief.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 June 2017):
 I think the mistake here is YOU not realizing what he is saying. IT wasn't the "pressure" you put on him, it was the EXPECTATIONS.
You want to date and be a couple, HE doesn't. THAT is pretty obvious.
When someone says, I just want use to BE friends... They don't want a relationship with you. Maybe sex on tap, someone to talk to, etc but NOT a relationship.
I think you know this but because YOU want a relationship you are ignoring what he is saying, hoping you can somehow find a way to make it happen. Sorry, OP it's not going to happen.
If you can't regard him as JUST a friend, I say cut the contact.
You two are not on the same page or even in the same book.
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