A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 16 years old and I really want a baby. My fiance and I are planning our whole future. I am graduating a year early, we're moving in together in a year and are going to the same college and working part time jobs. I figured our finances and I know (with his military benefits) we would be golden financially. Do you think it's unreasonable to want a baby and have a family of my own so soon? Right now, when we are intimate, we do not use any form of birth control other than the 'pull out method', and we agreed that if I get pregnant we will consider it a blessing, but should we try for one? Right now I think I might be pregnant, so it might be a moot point, I'm just wondering what everyone's views on it are...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses, I'm not currently pregnant but we're still considering. It's not a 'rush' to have a baby, whoever wrote the really long response was obviously born to write an advice column in a tacky magazine, whereas I was born to be a mother. It is my one calling in life. Having a family is all I've ever dreamed. Not traveling, not being a surgeon or lawyer, being a Mom. That's it. I have everything planned. If the situation will be the same in a few years why not have a baby now and be a family as soon as possible? Every time we see babies my fiance looks at me and says, "Babe, I can't wait to be a Dad." or "I'm going to love sitting in church with our baby in my arms." Little things that let me know he wants this too.
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 You're going to college. Doesn't that answer your question?
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 August 2009):
 You sound very mature and sensible (apart from the pull out method but I'll let that one go!) so I hope you will be able to take on board what I am about to say (although if you are pregnant already it will be irrelevant anyway!).
Yes it is too soon to try for a baby. You dont mention how long you have been with your fiance but having a child would put so much strain on your relationship and being a teenager, you would struggle to deal with all the problems that arise.
I understand the whole wanting a child feeling, and yes right now it may seem that it will make your "perfect" relationship with your boyfriend even better, it will complete your lives and you will be so happy etc. But in reality you are a teenager who is in love - life seems rosy at your age because you havent experienced real life yet.
So many things over the next 5 or 6 years of your life will change - have you thought about what you want to do for a career? What about if you find a great job but then your fiance has to move away for his job? While you are still at school/college the world is your oyster - you have a million ideas of what you want to do and how you see your future planning out. and it is fine to plan for your future, but it should stay as a plan and not happen until you are fully settled when you know where your life is heading.
I remember when I was 16 - I had a lovely boyfriend, we planned on getting married, we were going to live together while I was at uni and after that we would get jobs in the same city and live happily ever after. Guess what - life doesnt happen the way you plan it! I broke up with him because I realised I was too young to be settling down so soon, I wanted to live my own life and follow my own dreams. I have moved to different cities 3 times in the last year, I have lost my job and had to move away to find a new one. I completed my degree and did very well at University, but then did a completely different career than what I thought I was going to do at the start!
So while I'm not saying you will break up with your fiance, you just need to see that at your age you cannot plan your life out - you need to go with the flow and accept what happens. Life is an adventure, especially when you are young and it will lead you places you never imagined. But to have a baby now - I would almost guarantee you that by 21 you would be a single mum living off the state with no financial help from your ex. I know you will automatically think "that will never happen to me, we have such a perfect relationship we will never break up" but that is what you feel when you are young with no life experience to make you see that life doesnt work out the way you want.
I really believe you should finish school, go to college and get good grades. Get a good job where you feel mentally stimulated (my colleague who has just returned to work after maternity leave loves being back at work because she says being with her baby all the time leaves her brain so under-challenged she feels like she is losing all of her intelligence - she is 32 by the way!). Once you and your boyfriend have been living together for a while (that will change things believe me - living with someone brings out a whole new side to them so you need to live with each other for a while before you know if you are really compatible) then you can think about babies.
There is a typical order to things in life - get an education, get a job, fall in love, move in together, get married and then have babies. There is a good reason for this - you need all the things before babies to make the babies life better. It takes a mature, responsible adult to realise when is a good time to have a baby and when is the wrong time to have a baby - I hope you can realise that this is a bad time for you to have a child. You are barely out of childhood yourself and you have your whole future ahead of you - what is the rush to have a baby? Why would a baby be better now than instead of a few years time when your married and living with your partner?
I dont get this rush from teenagers to have babies - I see so many girls on here that have been with their boyfriends a few years so the automatic decision is "oh we should have a baby, I really want a baby". What is it that makes you want a baby so bad? Why is it so important to have one now and not in a few years time?
To put it simply this baby will be better off if it has 2 parents that are married and secure in their relationship, 2 parents that have good careers with prospects for the future, and most importantly 2 parents who have had lots of life experience to pass on to their child. Wisedom comes with age I'm afraid, and all the life skills that a child needs to learn comes from their parents. So how will this baby ever learn or fulfill its full potential when its parents know nothing about life and barely passed school?
Think about it carefully and good luck to you either way.
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A
female
reader, shnookims  +, writes (27 August 2009):
 I am 20 and my daughter is a year old. I live with my fiance and we are very in love and happy. Our daughter was seen as a blessing from the day we found out we were pregnant. I was 18.
However, I'm studying via correspondence, whilst taking care of our child. I had two years to do the course, I'm supposed to finish next year February and I'm not even half way. The house always looks like a bomb hit it even though I spend the majority of my days cleaning.
I love my daughter with my all and my everything and I wouldn't change her for the world. But sometimes, on days where my finace arrives home late and my baby has been unbelievably naughty I do wish I was a little older. Our sex life seriously dimished and although as a family we are strong, as a couple there is a serious lack of excitement.
In my opinion you should enjoy at least a couple of years with your fiance before you have a child.But it's still your choice
Good luck with everything
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): i am no one to say your to young but u must already kno that you should stay focused on school because your only 16 i say wait teel u grad and u see the money cuming in because living alone is not as easy as u think and haveing a baby only make thing stressfull. u should keep on doing the pull out may be use a condom and wait your only young once remember that enjoy being a teen. explore the world go places and enjoy each other then after u have lived the adult life a while then think of haveing a family of your own
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