A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I would like to know your opininon for the following question 1) Do you think its okay for a 19 year old to party out with her friends until late in the night (say about 3 am)2) Does she have the right to plan a trip with her friends to a different city?Aren't 19 year olds mature enough for this Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i will talk to my parents i really respect them and i wouldnt wnt them to be hurt by my actions..i hope all goes well..thanks for ur replies..
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female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 If you want to move out; then go. You're an adult and if you want to prove that you're mature enough, get a job, save up and move out. Your parents can't stop you.
However, if you know from now that it's going to be "a total disaster" then that may be why your parents seem so restrictive - they're just trying to look out for you.
And after all, you are still living in their house. It's their rules.
If you really feel that what they're doing is unfair, you need to sit down and have a calm, open discussion with them - that means no yelling, no whining, no saying "I can do what I want!" (sweetie, it's their house, you can't do what you want when you're still dependent on them).
Explain to them that now you're older and you need a little more independence. And while you appreciate them for looking out for you, they need to let you make your own choices. See if you guys can find some kind of middle ground.
Hope this helps!
xo
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Hey..
Yup I would say so, My parents allowed me to go out to nightclubs etc since I was 16 and I am now 19.
I've also went on holiday abroad with my friends at 17 and 18.
However it does really depend on if your parents are strict or not. If they are sit down and have a chat with them and tell them that other people your age are allowed to do..... and how it makes you feel when you are left out. I'm sure they'll understand and be a bit more leniant
xx
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male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 So tell them.
You're an adult. You make your own decisions - but, being an adult, you also consider the consequences. You learn to deal with difficult people, in this case your parents.
Approach it from an adult point of view, because if you deal with it on that basis you will, eventually, get a reaction that treats you as an adult and not as a child. It's like being at work and your boss is being unreasonable - you don't just walk out, because you need that job and you need that salary he pays you (just like you probably need your parent's home and their support right now). You explain your problems in an adult manner, and you explain why you think the behaviour, the restrictions, are unreasonable.
If they still say no, then you ask why they are saying no - and then you consider their reasons. They might be right. There may be very good reasons. If the reasons aren't valid, then you have to demonstrate that they're not valid.
As I said, you're an adult. But just like being at work and doing what the boss tells you, as long as you are living in their house then, ultimately, they make the rules.
It's a little sad, but unfortunately right through our lives there's always SOMEONE who tells us what we can do and what we can't do, and all too often it's simply not practical to say "stuff you, I'm doing what I want" even when you know very well their reasons are wrong - like I know very well that I could drive perfectly safely at 140mph on an absolutely straight, empty motorway at 3 am. And yet there are rules that stop me doing it if I don't want to lose my license. You see what I'm getting at here? You can often change the rules if you go about it the right way, but you can't break the rules unless you have the ability to opt out of the whole system.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 If you don't like the rules move out and get your own place. Your parents can't stop you. Work two jobs if you need more money. If there's a will there's a way. Quit whining and do something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i am not even allowed to move out!! that would be like a total disaster!!i would be forced to come back home anyways!!i am tired of following rules and i think i am mature enough to do stuff my own way..and even though i come home late i don come all drunk cuz that would be disrespect to them..i just wana stay out late and party..my mom treats me like a kid..and its really bothering me cuz m friends laugh at all this..its really pissing me off
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reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (17 June 2008):
Yes.
But if you live in your parent's house they have every right to say you can't be coming in at 3am. Their house, their rules. When you have your own space you can do what you like.
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female
reader, happytochat +, writes (17 June 2008):
Hmm thats a hard one. I know how you feel. When I was 18, I started to do things my parents didnt really like. Such as going out clubbing and partying till the early hours of the morning (like 6am!) and seeing my first boyfriend. I wanted to sleep over my bf's house and go away on holidays with my boyfriend too.
Now at first, my parents reaction was pretty bad I guess you could say. They were initially saying NO to everything. They said I was to young and inexperienced to be able to deal with any of that. I aruged that how am I supposed to gain experience so I can deal wiht it if they wont let me get any?
Eventually after some talking my parents agreed to leting me do all of those thigns. Yes legaly I didnt need there permission as I was an adult, but I love my parents and having there blessing and approval is important, and I lived with them, so it would be hard living with them if they didnt approve of what I was doing. Its there house, so there rules.
They let me take small baby steps, we took things slowly and overtime they realised that it wasnt so bad to let me go. In the end I realised that they loved me and were just trying to protect me of all the bad things that can happen i nthose situations. But they had to learn to trust me and THERE OWN PARENTING. I reminded them that I had the two best parents in the world to teach me about growing up and I think they did a great job- that suck up tactic always worked lol.
Hope this has helped :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): In response to Lotus Mama, I think that it's fair enough that they lay down the rules as to coming home in the early hours - they don't want to be woken up by their drunken offspring crashing into the house at 3am, I'm sure.However, I really don't think their attitude over her going away for a week is fair at all. I don't see how it would impact adversely on them that their ADULT daughter goes away for a week, and frankly, I think she should just go anyway. Annoyed though they may be, I'm sure they're not going to disown her for standing up for herself, and going away if she wants to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): YES THEY ARE MATURE FOR THAT.BUT YOUR PARENTS MIGHT NOT LET YOU GO THAT EASILY.IT DEPENDS IF YOUR AN ONLY CHILD,THE FIRST CHILD OR THE LAST CHILD IF YOUR IN BETWEEN ITS STILL NOT GOING TO BE THAT EASY OR HARD. KINDA IN THE MIDDLE JUST TELL THEM THAT YOUR ALL GROWN UP AND THAT U WANNT A LIFE GOD LUCK
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Some parents don't like the idea that their little girl is growing up. Do you still love with them? If so, thats the problem. They still feel entitled to lay down the rules, and there isnt much you can do but follow them if you are under their roof. Maybe it's time to start looking for an apartment of your own. Wow, cant imagine what they will say when your boyfriend asks permission to marry you! Lol, I'm just kidding:-) But seriously, most people think you are old enough to do what you want, so that should make you feel alittle better:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Um, yes. God, my parents made me make my own way to Paris from my old home (near wales) when I was 13. Literally just dropped me off at the local station and left me to get the right trains.
Of COURSE a 19 year old is old enough. I do understand why they might not be allowed to stay out late if they live in their parents house, but to plan a trip? I can't see that waking the parents up at 3am. If a 19 yr old can't do that, that sounds pretty unreasonable.
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reader, Collaroy +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Hi,
I emigrated by myself when I was 19! For heavens sake in Australia you are of legal age, entitled to vote and drink in public houses. So you are old enough to make your own decisions.
But if you are living with your parents then they may object, so you either have to obey their house rules or simply move away from the nest and start living your own life.
good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i am askin this because i am being stopped by my parents for doing this..i just want to go to a different city and stay with my friend for a week but i am not allowed to go all alone..i don know what to do
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female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (17 June 2008):
I did. I was younger than that. However, very mature for my age, chose VERY good people to surround myself with, peolple I consider to be family to this very day. In fact, those 19 year old memories are what made me the delightful person I am today;)
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female
reader, misfitschik66 +, writes (17 June 2008):
 I traveled all over the place without my parents with my ex and my current boyfriend from the age of 16-19 once you become 18 you are an adult and are considered one and are to make your own decisions in life
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female
reader, scrazy +, writes (17 June 2008):
I'm a little curious why you're asking this...
But I guess it depends on the maturity of the 19 year old in question. Is he/she responsible or do they tend to get themselves in trouble?
But considering in most countries I know of, 18+ years makes you an adult and you do have the right to make your own decisions.
Just be responsible about it and think of what could happen.
xo
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (17 June 2008):
 If the 19 year old in question is living independently and is already responsible for herself in all other respects, then yes.
Otherwise, it is a sign that she is not the best judge of character (if she can not take care of herself, it is doubtful she will choose to be with people that can take care of her) and thus she may have to defer to others who take care of her.
Freedom is not free.
The other big issue is the "friends". Who are these friends, and can you think of any reason that your friends give the impression of not being trust worthy?
Would you ever be doing the things you are doing, or thinking of doing if NOT for the influence of friends.
-Frank B Kermit
www.franktalks.com
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