A
female
age
36-40,
*ovemeright11
writes:My boyfriend made the suggestion last night that we delete both of our facebook profiles and create a new one that is a couples profile and share it together that way the people that add us or that are real true friends will not have a problem talking to either one of us cause we feel this could be a experiment to kinda of see who really cares if they are friends with us. Anyways my question is do you think that doing something like this is an okay thing to do? I would think a couple could share a facebook. We feel like one and have nothing to hide and know each other inside and out so it should be okay right? I just want others ideas on the matter before we do it so what do you think? and again this is his idea not mine and i am okay to do it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): I had an issue with one of my bf friends who was constantly making little digs towards me and our relationship. It caused alot of upset in our relationship but eventually he decided our relationship was worth more than his friendship with her and he deleted her. They have common friends (she is also friends with his sister) I am proud that I never asked him to delete her and it was done soley off his own back but ultimatly that is what I felt was the best course of action.
That was a while back he has now suggested we have a joint facebook account. I have thought about it and cannot see a problem. I dont feel I wont be an individual if I did that that idea seems a bit ridiculous. Im an individual no matter wheather I share a facebook page or not. I dont think my friends will have a problem posting on my wall as we both know whose friend is whose. People have said facebook causes break up in relationships and some of my friends have even deleted their profile worried about this. I think this is stupid too as its the people on facebook that causes the break ups so if their are people who are trying to cause a problem in a relationship then joint accounts are a good idea.
My sister has a joint account with her husband and my mother has one with her new partner both for different reasons. It has worked perfectly ok for them especially my mother as she keeps in contact with her partners side (due to them traveling and all our family being spread out around the globe). Its a personal choice and you have to do what you want isnt that what being individual is all about? It also dosnt seem that you or your partner is being controlling so why not go with what works for you. Good luck
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 does he have jealousy issues? i know you said the joint FB idea is coz of that woman who is a fbook friend of his but is obnoxious to you, but i'm sorry, i fail to see the relevance. if someone is horrible to you and he cares about you then he should just disown her, not create a joint FB
i am not sure how i feel about a joint fbook, its sweet and coupley (like matching coats and tandem bicycles! but has also got the same level of cheesiness!)
if you both are happy with it though then just do it. however, some of yours and your boyfriends facebook friends might not feel comfortable messaging you anymore. it is like having a friend who brings her boyfriend to every girls night out or girly shopping trip, sometimes we just want to see our friend sans boyfriend!
x
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A
female
reader, WeCanDoIt +, writes (2 June 2011):
 You could do but, not to be a pessimist, what would happen if you were to break-up. I think it is also good to have some space - individuality.
You would still be able advertise your relationship.
I also think that, as others have said, that you would not have exactly the same friends and any heart felt messages you might send to your friends would never be the same as if it was just for you. Xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): Even if you're in a relationship, you're still an individual. I feel like a couples profile undermines your individuality... just my opinion, though.
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A
female
reader, that's_me_tj  +, writes (2 June 2011):
You may not have anything to hide, but there could be some minor things that might later become a problem. In every relationship, the people involved need to have their own personal space or else it'll be unhealthy. Enjoy your space :)
And think of it this way, you can't tag him separately in cute pics of you too.. Or you can't post " I love you"s on his wall. It just won't seem right, and like *Odds* said, it is like a tattoo. First it may seem cute and be so "aww" but later on you'll just remember it as an "Ow!!!"... So chill it :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2011):
 I think if you're married it might be something to consider, but you are not at that stage yet. You are a couple, yes, but you are also individuals with individual friends and lives. If you are so entwined in each other's lives that you do EVERYTHING together, I guess you could consider it, but it just sounds a bit unhealthily clingy and suffocating to me.
The real issue appears to be your dislike of this one girl in his friends list. He doesn't want to delete her because then people will question why he felt the need to do that, and you for some reason don't want everyone to know that it's because you dislike her treatment of you. You want him to 'man up' and drop her; he doesn't want to play this out in the odd public arena that Facebook has become.
There's a feature in FB that allows you to block certain people from seeing your posts. Would that be sufficient or do you want him to drop her from his friends list for good?
What has she done that is so disrespectful and have you called her on it yourself?
I don't think people have thought through the ramifications that this type of social networking has in your future. Future employers will read your Facebook profile. My husband's company does that almost first thing in the application process. People are not even considered for jobs if they are posting drunken pictures of themselves and crazy inappropriate stuff. You having this joint account with your boyfriend means that what he does will impact your future. You're not married, I just don't think it's a good idea.
I've seen a joint account go back to a single account after the relationship ended; it looked peculiar and I realized after the fact that it was a result of a controlling man. Ridiculous to even have to contemplate that.
Your best revenge (if you call it that) is to have her simply ignored. Call her out if she is disrespectful to you on a severe level and if it's that bad, I don't see why other people wouldn't have figured that out already. If she's talking sh*t about you, other people are aware of that.
You can still be open and have each other's passwords and all that, without the cutesy and cloying couple's account. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): No don't do that. You are two separate people and that means separate profiles. I know a couple who have a joined account and it's because the GF is a controlling b*tch. I personally think it's stupid to have a joined account. Whats the point? Are you joined at the hip? No, so live your own lives. How is it going to prove who is your friends and who isn't? that doesn't make any sense. It sounds like you or maybe him are trying to convince you that its a good idea based on nonsense. Just don't do it.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (2 June 2011):
I don't think it's a good idea to delete your personal profile and only have a shared one. I appreciate that you are close to your partner but that doesn't mean you can't have an independent profile on there. Nor does having an independent profile mean you have anything to hide. My fiance and I have our own profile because although we do share a lot of friends we also have a fair number whom the other doesn't know- at least, not well enough to be a facebook friend.
I don't see why you can't have a couple's profile and you own one as well. I personally would be wary of surrendering all independence as far as facebook goes, and the danger of simply becoming part of a couple rather than being your own person with your own identity.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 June 2011):
 i would not delete the other profiles but you could create a third couples profile.
sounds to me like he's not totally trusting of your friends..
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A
female
reader, Lovemeright11 +, writes (2 June 2011):
Lovemeright11 is verified as being by the original poster of the question The whole reason this conversation even happened is because there is someone i really really don't like and is very disrespectful to me personally and she is a person in his facebook so I said to him I really wish you would delete that person if she does not matter to you or us really and he said he would but ofcourse a lot of his friends know her also so I guess its just a small worry that it will ripple affect to all the friends and they will end up finding out that me and her really don't get along at all and so i guess to save the drama thats why he wont delete her but honestly i really wish he would. He then made this suggestion to try a couples profile for a while and see if that women in particular cares to be our friend but also to do it for others. So anyways this is the true stuff behind I it guess.
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A
female
reader, Luv_doc +, writes (2 June 2011):
I agree with Serenity!!! Just because you're together it doesn't mean you've morphed into a single being. If one of my friends did this, I'd be tempted to not add the couple as a matter of priniciple. Lot's if people hate couples that appear to rub it in everyone's face that 'we're together and we're sooooo in love'. Just be yourself. LD xx
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 June 2011):
 This sounds like the twenty-first century version of getting your names tattooed on each other - instant breakup material. I'd say don't do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): I don't think this is necessarily a bad idea, but when you are in a relationship maintaining your individuality is key. You are still two separate people. Even though you may be super connected on an emotional level, you don't have to be joined at the hip.
As for the true friends thing, I think you will need more than a joint facebook profile to determine that.
An alternative would be to have a couple's facebook profile, and just deactivate your personal profiles. Just in case you break up or something bad happens (God forbid) to either one of you, you still have your own profiles and you don't have to start all over.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (2 June 2011):
That is just weird to me. Just because you are in a relationship, doesn't mean you cease to be an individual.
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A
female
reader, phoenixgirl +, writes (2 June 2011):
I think it's ok, although I wouldn't do it as I don't think couples should have identical friends and I don't see why it should be a test to see who really cares. I have many FB friends I don't see around the world who aren't close and are ex-colleagues or friends of friends who I met a couple of times whilst some of my truest friends don't have an account. It wouldn't show anything and I also think having your own account is a small symbol of a part of your individual life.
Why not have a joint one but keep both individual ones too? That way your mutual friends can all 'friend' the joint one if you want.
You aren't hiding by having separate accounts. It's hard to hide on Facebook anyway! I can see my bf's account by his newsfeed and any messages if I choose or if he leaves his screen up. Plus I know his passwords to certain sites, as he does mine.
Is this a trust issue with others, perhaps?
I don't think having one account is an issue but your closeness is there anyway so I am not sure it signals anything extra.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): I've seen a few people who do this. Of course it's OK. You can do anything you want with your profile.
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