A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to do. I was seeing a guy recently, but i'm not sure what is going on with us at the moment. We have only been on a few dates, so i'm not sure that you could say that we are in a relationship yet, but neither of us has said that we have stopped seeing each other. It's just that that guy has been quite distant with me lately, so i need him to say whether he still wants to see me or not. I met another guy last night in a bar. He kept looking at me and smiling at me every time he walked past my table, and at one point i was sat on my own, and he said i could go over and talk to him and his friends. When i was stood with my friends later, he said " isn't she beautiful ? ", to them, about me. Before he went home, he gave me his phone number. He didn't ask for mine, but i called his phone to check that i had copied his number down right, and i had. So he will have my number on his phone from when i called him. I'm not sure whether to contact him first, or wait and see if he contacts me ?. And i'm not sure whether to text or call him. I'm quite a shy person, so i would prefer to text first, but i know that in a way, it's better to call. Do you think it would be ok for me to meet up with him, even though i don't know what is happening with the other guy yet ?. Unfortunately though, both those guys go in the same bar sometimes, and some of the friends of the guy i have been dating recently go in there too.So, if he or his friends see me wth this other guy, it could be awkward if they think i am dating him. I guess i should tell this guy hat i'm not sure what is happening with the other guy, but that i'd still like to meet up with him just on friendly terms, until i know where i am with the other guy. What do you think ?. Do you have any other suggestions ?.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2011): Sorry, i meant to put that HE wished he was the guy i had been seeing.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): I think i have a date with the new guy next Wednesday !. I text him before saying who i was and where i had met him, and asked him how he was, and we talked a little bit about ourselves. He sent his replies very quickly too. I mentioned that i enjoyed it the other night and that i hoped to see him again, and then he told me that he will be going out to that bar again next Wednesday and said we can meet up there again. I found out that he has a 12 year old son, as he said his son is staying at his place this weekend, so he will be split up from his ex who he had his son with. I am 27, and he is 33 .I'm not sure whether to say anything to the other guy yet, as i don't really want to contact him, as i have contacted him a few times lately, and he hasn't responded, and i am annoyed with him for talking about me to his friend behind my back, and trying to blame me to his friend , and i think he should contact me anyway. I feel like telling him that i don't think it's going to work out, because he gets in moods and doesn't communicate much. It isn't like he is my boyfriend anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): The guy who gave me his number also said " i wish i was him ", meaning i wished he was the guy i had been seeing, and he said " i'd be a lucky guy if you contacted me ". that might not have been his exact words, but he said some thing about him being lucky. He also kissed my hand when he came over to me.It is a tricky situation really, as the guy i have been seeing does seem to genuinely care about me, but i'm not exactly sure if he wants to continue seeing me. He's had a lot of problems recently. So in a way, i would rather take a chance with the other guy, as it might work out ok. I knwo it would be a risk though. I wouldn't want to date both of them at the same time, so if i decided to see the new guy and not the guy i ahve been dating, i would be honest with the guy i am dating and call it off. The guy i have been dating hasnt contacted me for two weeks, and i haven't seen him at all for two weeks, but even when i saw him then, i had just bumped into him, but i haven't seen him properly for a month, as that was the last time we went out together. When i saw him two weeks ago, he had just started a new job that week. He does night shifts now, and also works afew hours in the day time sometimes, so that makes it even more difficult for us to see each other. That might be why he hasn't contacted me much too, but really, it doesn't take long to send a text message or make a phone call, and he would have have some time free at the weekends to do that too, and to meet up then . He has had money problems, and he has apparently got upset and offended because he thought i got moody with him once because he told me to buy him a drink in a bar, but i wasn't. He took it the wrong way. One of his friends told me that yesterday, as he had seen him, and apparently, he had been crying when he had been talking about me to his friend too.I guess there is no harm in me texting the new guy and see how it goes, but i just don't know what will happen with the guy i have been dating.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Technically, you wouldn't be lying or manipulating anyone if you saw the new guy while seeing the old one, since no relationship has been established. However, dating more than one person at once is low-class behavior, wanting to have your cake and eat it too, and even if you don't get caught, it's not the sort of thing you want to do.
Pick one. The new guy sounds like he knows what he's doing, so there's a risk he may just be a player; the old guy is moving too slowly for that. Just be aware of your options. Either go out with the first guy and see if you can get a definite commitment from him; if yes, delete the new number. Or, tell the first guy it's not working out and try the new guy, keeping your guard up.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 May 2011):
 DATING is not going steady
DATING is not being engaged
DATING means you go out on DATES... you are not exclusive with the other guy so why not?
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A
female
reader, yomama65 +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Hi! Well, if you've only been on a few dates and nothing has actually been established between the two of you in terms of whether your relationship is exclusive, you have every right to date the other dude if you want. If you feel like you're being shady, let the first guy know that you met someone and are planning to date him. You may also want to point out that you have no clue where you stand with him as he has been MIA. And even if they go to the same pub, hey, it's a small world and those things happen. You seem to be quite interested in the guy you just met and it sounds like you are planning to contact him. I say GO FOR IT! And it's up to you whether you text or call. Do what feels right for you! Good luck!
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