A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so there's been this woman in my life for the past 5 years or so, and I am in total love with her. I've never told her how I truly feel, even though I think she might have an idea! I don't want to tell her because I fear the rejection that I may suffer, plus I simply don't want to admit to my feelings. I'm so sick of longing after her 24/7. It has me in such a grip that I just can't function with normal every day things.So for 2009, I've made my resolution that I'm cutting all ties with her. No calls, no visits.... NOTHING! We're not what you might call close mates anyway, but we would talk a fair bit. In the recent past I felt that she was just a user anyway, and even though I'd do anything for her, she probably wouldn't in return. I'm what you might call "convenient" to her. And I'm fed up of her dictating my life.So do you think in time, if I stick to my resolution, will I get over her and move on? I can avoid her which has to make these feelings fade in time, but what or how do I handle a situation where she might call or bump into me?Please, any advice would be great.Thank You!
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male
reader, Aech135  +, writes (8 January 2009):
 Yes if you really stick to not seeing her or being in a relationship with her then you'll probably move on in time. That doesn't necessarily mean that you have to avoid her, just stop constantly focusing on her and focus more on stuff you like to do and other people you enjoy being around. You might also actually try paying more attention to the other women around you. Who knows you may find someone that you totally adore that feels the same way about you and will make you happier than pining after this current girl ever will. If you already have bad feelings at times about the girl your attracted to then it probably wouldn't be a good idea to date her since at first your new relationship feelings would cloud that from your mind until it faded and she really was the person you thought all along at which time you'll just be unhappy and dating a girl you can't stand.
I have a friend that when I first met her I was attracted to her but never told her because she had just broken up with a guy and i was very insecure at the time and feared the rejection. The more i got to know her the more i wanted her to the point that one night when i was really drunk i broke down and got very emotional about it with a close friend of mine. My friend comforted me and told me to calm down and not obsess about it so much. I stopped trying to focus on making the girl my girlfriend and more just enjoying her company and ended up no longer really having strong feelings of wanting to be with her. Since then my friendship with her has actually grown to the point where i consider her as close as a sister and she is my best friend. So much so that I may be asking her to be my "best man" at my wedding.
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