A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So dear Cupid... I used to be really great mates with this guy at my school when we was about 14/15 now that we are older and he has moved on to find trashy mates we don't see each other at all and I'm not sure if I'm feeling abandoned or betrayed or what ever but I can't get past him... Ive been in love with him since day one (it's only took me this long to realise) and even though I have moved on, or convinced myself so, I feel as if I haven't...I think it hurts because I have been abandoned, we used to have such great times together, he was and still is one of the few people I get on with completely and can have a decent conversation which is weird since we are near opposites.I guess in a way it's good that we have drifted already since we will be moving on to work etc soonish.. I'm nit sure but I think I'm still living in this fantasy that he might come back and want to be with me but it seems like he was strategically leading me on, like when I tried to ge over him one time he wouldn't stop hanging off my neck and wanting to hang out and then another time I did actualy get over him but then he told my best mate that he was bisexual and it obviously got back to me and that led to a giant argument.I just find it weird that in a year we have minimal contact yet I'm sort of stuck babling about a guy that broke me down... Is this normal? And do you think I'm just sort of stuck in a loop.. Like I can't get out of it because I've become accustomed to it?Do you think I'm still hanging on to the "what if" fantasy? Because I'm completely lost. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 February 2012):
 You block him. On phone and email. No more contact.
That's a mandatory first step if you are serious about moving on.
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 February 2012):
You block him. On phone and email. No more contact.
That's a mandatory first step if you are serious about moving on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know what I CAN do to get rid of this infatuation though :( It actually sucks!
I've tried ignoring him but when I do that he won't stop texting me or mailing me. I've tried focusing on other things and people but that doesn't help either and I just want out.. I mean I wouldn't care if we was still the best mates we used to be but now we barely have contact it's just annoying because I don't feel like I can move on.
What can I actually do?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (21 February 2012):
Yes, this is a what if fantasy. You were 14 at the time, you both are not ( at least should not be ! ) the same as you were then, you must have grown changed evolved, and as it often happens, in two different directions.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you say you are totally opposite kind of persons. Psychologists and researchers have been recently debunking the myth of " opposites attract ". I.E: it is true that opposites attract, because difference creates a lot of curiosity, sexual chemistry, and excitement at first - but to have a LASTING , harmonious relationship you've got much better chances if you share with your partner core values and personality traits.
You are in love with a mental image, with a fantasy, not with real person, who in fact does and says things that bother you. It's normal, everybody is a bit in love with the one who got away, and it's a bit of a wounded ego trip , like, if you could "catch him " , you'd repair your nercissistic wound.
But , it's basically all in your mind, if you are still stuck on this " love " is because deep down you want to be, you haven't consciously decided to become proactive and take the possible and necessary steps to get rid of this infatuation. Luckily, I think that's bound to happen soon, at your age- hopefully some new object of desire will show up on your radar ...if you stop keeping your eyes closed while you still focus on the past and not on the present !
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