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age
36-40,
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writes: It's me again, with the ex problem. Okay so I bought the Magic of Making up, and the guy who wrote it says that if I want to get back together with my ex I need to not have any contact with him for a month and write him a letter telling him these things* That I agree with the break up and that I think it will be the best thing for both of us.* Paint a happy picture of myself in his head telling him great things are happening to me but not tellig him what those things are so that he gets curious.* A brief apology for something wrong I did.* And telling him I need space for a while.So after a week of telling my ex I never wanted to see or talk to him again because he said no to us getting back together after I gave him a deadline, he texted me asking me how i'm doing. I called him and we chat for like 20 minutes, then I told him those things that I was supposed to tell him in the letter, so since I told him these things over the phone I thought there was no need for me to write the letter anymore. At first when I told him I needed space he gave me a hard time. He said that I already live far away and that there's no need for space but I told him i needed it anyways. He asked me why i needed space and i told him "just because i do".Exactly 2 weeks later, after me deleting him from my facebook he requested me again but I didn't accept his request even thought I wanted to. Then the next day he e-mailed me some crap on hotmail about women avoiding situations to get raped and stuff that his friend sent him. I also didn't respond even thought I wanted to. And the next day he called me at my house line because my cellphone is not working right now. And since the caller id on my house line doesn't work for some reason I didn't know who it was so I answered. I was trying to only have a 2 minute conversation with him but he wouldn't let me get off the phone so we ended up talking for about 6 minutes. When we talked I acted like I was over him but still polite and kind of friendly. When he asked me about my personal stuff I didn't give him much information or details so that he kept his curiousity. He also asked me to hang out with him that night but I told him I already had plans with a friend and he kept asking me who the friend was but I didn't tell him his name. Then since the product I bought says that I need to take a one month break from him and I still have 2 weeks to go, I told him that I liked the way things are going and that I dind't want him calling me again and that I didnt mean to sound mean or anything but that I thought that was the best for us. He was just like jeez!! He seemed surpirsed. He also said that I was acting VERY strange and not like my usual self. (That's because I used to be clingy and needy with him all the time but this time I acted the oposite)Then after several times telling him I had to go he said "okay...fine" and I said bye and I didn't really wait for him to say Bye and I just hung up. My question is: Do you guys think that maybe I was TOO harsh to him??? Should I send him a letter saying sorry for being too harsh and telling him that I just need space and that maybe in the future we can be friends??? I'm really scared I will lose him forever :'( I really love him and we broke up about 9 months ago and I dated many guys but I still haven't found someone who makes me as happy as him and is able to replace him. I really do think he's it. Well maybe not but all I know is that I want him back in my life but not in the way we were about a month ago. (He said he didn't know if he wanted to get back together but we were seeing each other and having sex and I wanted the relationship back because I felt used all the time so I gave him a deadline and he ended up saying he just wasn't ready for a relationship. So that's when I told him I never wanted to talk to him again. I think that maybe I pressured him to make a decision too quickly and maybe that's why he said no. What do you guys think about this whole situation??? Do you thin i can get him back??? Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone. So I waited the 2 weeks and contacted him. I asked him to meet up and he said yes. We went out to dinner and we ended up hooking up in his car and he tried to have sex with me and i didn allow him. Then he asked to meet up again on tuesday night but at his house again and stupid me accepted it. Again he tried to have sex with me but i didnt let him. I slept over that night. Then after the hook up i felt impatient and worried that im being used again so i asked him if he wanted to get back together and he said no bcuz i have work and school. Wich i think its a stupid bull shit excuse bcuz if he REALLY liked me he would do anything to make it work just like i was willing to. Then i told him that theres no point to keep hanging out and talking then and he said that we SHOULD be able to talk and i said no because if we keep talking on daily basis i will never get over him and he said what if i dont call u for a week? and i said no thats still too soon, you told me u talk to your other exgirlsfriends like twice a year, why cant it be like that we you and i?? and he just played dumb and as always didnt answer the important questions i ask and just changed the subject. Then i said so what are we gonna do so that i get over you? and he said i dont know im tired we will talk about it tomorrow mornig. But i didnt wanna wait any longer. The next day i called him and i was very angry at how he just ignores the situation and cant just be a grown up andsa "Okay lets not keep in touch since we're not looking for the same thing" So i called him and yelled at him we were both yelling and his best friend was standing next to him and i could hear him on the background imitating th eway i was talking wich really hurt my feelings, then i also heard him say she's fu**ing carzy!!! And i forgot to mention that the tomne of voive my ex was using while his friend was standing next to him was completely different and i think bcuz he wanted to make himslef sound all tough in front of him. He told me don't fu**ing call me again dont call me! so i texted him saying fine if thats what u want then i wont call u again ever and he texted back saying i do wanna talk just nort tonight and you need to respect that then i exted back saying no fu** that, you told me not to call you so i wont calkl you, thats it im done. He was making me angry and he played with my head wayyyyy too much. So i emailed his best friend telling him that my ex hooked up with his girlfriend behind his back. Wich is something that really did happened before my ex and i ever dated. At around 12 21 last night he textes me again saying " Don't ever even think of fu**inkg calling me again, ever. I don't ever wanna hear from you again you fu**ing bit**. I texted him saying i that i was assuming his best friend got my email and thats why he talked to me like that and that im glad that he got it because he deserved me to tell him and that i also never wanted to hear from him again. That was it. What do you guys think of this whole situation? I personally think i was great to tell his best friend what he did behind his back becausde he destroyed my feelings and played with my head for months!! Do u guys agree?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks libra19163. I think that's a GREAT idea. I will keep playing hard until I get what I want wich is respect and a serious realetionship with me again. If that doesn't happen the it's his lost, i'm not letting him use me like he did a month ago.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you t411yann!!!
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female
reader, Sassy25  +, writes (30 August 2009):
I think he might have got used to you blowing him off so he had no choice but to except your wishes at the time or maybe he's playing games with you.
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female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (30 August 2009):
 Hi ThereI know exactly what you have been through and I too learnt the hard way. What you are doing now is the best thing. You said your self that you were weak and needy. You did not make this man chase you so you were an easy bait and he has had his fun with you and got bored. (Sorry if I sound harsh). He wants to continue having fun with you on his terms. this is not making you happy. Why stay in a 'relatiohsip'that is not making you happy? why allow him to use you on his terms?You were right to put him in a corner and stand up to him. continue playing hard. It will take a while to get over him as you are obviosly still in love with him. You may find being single for a while helpful as you mourn your lose but do continue to go out make in groups of males and females. Do not jump into bed with any one yet as you are not emotionally ready and that may have been the problem with the other guy - things happened too quickly.Back off and let him do the running and keep allowing him to run until he can provide you with what makes you happy. In the meantime, go and face a mirrow and say to yourself "I am a beautiful attractive single women and I am happy". Stay positive. When you continue being as strong as you are you will feel better for it and he will respect you.Who knows what the future lies - its amaxing how things can turn around.Keep in touch.
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reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 August 2009):
 Wow.After reading this second question, I would hazard a guess that you and your stalker are probably fated to become a couple. A couple of what, I'm not sure...
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reader, t4llyann  +, writes (30 August 2009):
Personally, i think you've messed with his head. In a good way though, because he did it to you, and he should learn how it feels. You say you were sleeping together but he refused to be in a relationship. You were his booty call, and its no wonder you reacted saying you never wanted to talk to him again.It sounds harsh how you are being, but i think it's for the best. Instead of being at his beck and call like you used to be, you're now totally independant its scaring him thinkin that yu have a whole new life away from him. Thats the reason he keeps calling you.I say, dont write to him just yet. Give it a week or 2, then write to him, dont apologize just maybe say i know i was abit harsh, but i told you i needed space and you wouldnt give it to me. say that you want to be friends, but dont sound too eager. My bet is he'll fight to be your friend because he can see you have a new life that doesnt involve him. And if he does, then let him know what he did wrong, but gradually let him back in. He know he screwed up but you dont deserve to be messed around for you to then just forgive and forget. I hope it works out for you! Leave us some updates.
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