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female
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anonymous
writes: PLease help.My boyfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago, although I begged him to change his mind he said he couldnt. The reason he broke up with me is cos he was worried that he couldnt see a long term future for us. BAsically, he was always v independent while i was quite needy and wanted more from him than he seemed able to give. We were long distance too which didnt help.We havent spoken for the last month. I emailed him to apologise for being so needy and desperate when we broke up, and told him that i felt like Id moved on ( a total lie i must admit)Last night he called me and we had a nice chat, throughout which he grilled me about whether or not ive been seeing a friend of mine, as he had 'heard rumours.' Then when I tried to tell him about my saturday night, he said he 'didnt want to hear it'.I want him back more than anything, but figure that i have to let him know that the dynamics have changed and i am not needy any more. What do you think? Does it sound like i have a chance? I am 27 and he is 30.
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female
reader, Tinkz  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 Hey sweety!
Well by the looks of things, there is a hint of jealousy on his part which is a good sign, it probablly means he still has feelings for you! and even if you are pretending not to be needy it must be working!
keep doing what you doing, don't give him too much to thrive on!
He'll come back!
all the best
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): you seem to have come a long way. i dont think you need to convince him he will sense it from the conversation and the reason why you want him back, remember it is easy to detect along the lines if the person wants u for herself or just plain selfish. so relax and concentrate on building a friendship with this man maybe it will help u if u are really not needy.
he seem interested on your life a bit i mean he listens to rumours about you i that is a start but dont push remember you are not needy anymore remind yourself that always and time will tell if u guys does have a chance.
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A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 I think that the best way of showing your ex how independent you are would be to cut the contact for a while. At least from your end of things. Fill your life up with friends, family, work/study, hobbies, travel. Don't call him. Don't always pick up if he calls you. When you do pick up, tell him you can only talk for a few minutes as you're meeting someone or have somewhere you have to be. Hopefully this will even be true!
I know from experience how hard it is to be with a person who is not independent; your ex is going to find it hard to believe you're getting on with your life unless he can see it for himself. Even if your feelings for him don't fade, you will have this wonderful new busy life to occupy your head space. But i can almost guarantee your feelings will fade once you actually start living a full and interesting life.
Don't give him any more head space. It's time to start living. And if he changes his mind in six months time (don't entertain the prospect any sooner than that!) then you can decide then what you want to do. For now, it's time to live for you and give him a back seat in your mind.
Also, his enquiries about who you're seeing aren't relevant at this point. You two have broken up. If he ever asks again, just change the subject and say you're uncomfortable with him asking.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): Hello 27, I am 27 too. and know where he is coming from. he is long distance, freaking out because he doesnt trust you. so you have to ask yorself are you after him because you love him or is he all that you think you have? He needs to trust you for there to be a relationship, and you have to realize that you deserve to be respected. there are plenty of people is your area, chances are you work and there are people there as well. If you try to focus more on socializing and less on dating you will be better off, and when its time for a relationship you'll be better prepared for it. You dont have to constantly have some man in your life. that thinking opens the flood gates for what ever may wonder in. Every one is living that way I know but look at the quality of their lives? I mean come on, when they end a relationship they are with a new person within hours in some cases, how inpersonal. You deserve better and just need to be patient. Love finds us only when we stop looking, and when we try to make love of something else its just a lie that hurts everyone involved. You sound very sweet and sincere, I envy anywone who you find worthy of partnership, now you just need to do the same. if you cant envy them...NEXT!!!
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