A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,A year or so back I started university and made friends with one of the kindest and nicest looking girls I have met. We meet up every week to chat and frequently chat online too. In November I took her to the botanical gardens to tell her that I had feelings for her and would like to date her. At the time I knew she was kind of seeing a guy but it was nothing serious - just a couple of drinks every now and then. It turned out that she loved having me as a friend but she just wanted to keep things that way "That's all I want from you" she said. I didn't argue with what she said because in all fairness it is her choice.Anyway after I asked her out she started seeing this guy more and more. She would tell me the things they were doing such as going out into town, her going over for a meal and even her sleeping over at his flat when she got too drunk. These details really began to hurt me so I talked to her about it and how she was hurting my feelings. She agreed to keep the details to herself. So coming up to xmas I got her a nice box of chocolates as a gift. She says to me that the guy is taking her to Jimmy Chungs for Christmas dinner and they will be walking because he can't afford a taxi. So that night they ended up walking 3 miles to get to the 'restaurant' - not exactly the most romantic place if you ask me. The next day she tells me that he admitted to being a chronic alcoholic and has had liver failure already.So still to this day they are seeing each other, I really can't see why. She is expected to pay for most things they do and the guy never follows through with things he promises her. Later in the year she has to go abroad for a years placement so she thinks she will have to ditch him.I just can't understand why she would want to date someone like that. I have been in 4 previous relationships, each lasting over 6 months and my last one over a year until she had to leave to go to America. At the moment I can't seem to move on from her, she is an intelligent, beautiful, easy to get on with person and she is exactly what I am looking for in a partner. I would love to be taking her out to the movies, cook for her, visit places we have never been, and maybe even settle down with her for life. In all honesty I have never felt this strongly about a woman in my life and I am not sure if I should just let her go. My conscience tells me not to. Do you think I should wait for her to come back from her year out and ask her out again? By then her man will no longer be at the university and will be working in his home city. I'm hoping that in the year she is out she realises how much I care for her...but then again it may be the old saying "Nice guys finish last"
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alcoholic, christmas, drunk, move on, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mels  +, writes (3 February 2009):
You sound like a really lovely guy and who knows it might work, she might come back and agree to date you.
But she said all she wants from you is friendship, so you might be in for a huge disappointment.
She might still see that guy or even meet somebody else, or simply keep wanting you only as a mate.
My advice is to move on, unfortunately disappointment is part of life and not all the ppl we like, will like us back.
I say this because I would hate you to waste a whole year and be even more heart in the end.
Sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder, some other times it does just the opposite: an old saying is : far from my eyes, far from my heart.
If you really can't let her go, keep chatting online with her and see if things change but in the meantime, keep your options open: the right girl for you might be just round the corner and you don't want to miss her for somebody who wants to be just friends.
Good luck
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (3 February 2009):
 you seem so nice and she should count herself lucky to have you in her life. you are respecting what she wants which is an amazing thing, i would wait a while and see how her situation changes. i have no idea why she would date an alcoholic, its totally beyond me why she would choose him over you. you seem like a rock to her so you need to remain there for her and supportive of her, the most important thing is not to become bitter about this (sure this wont be a problem for you though as you seem like a perfect friend) keep me updated. and i hope she comes to her senses. x
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