A
female
age
36-40,
*17
writes:I have just started to get to know a guy. I really like him, however, he never initiates contact. He only texts me if I text him first. If I don't text him, I don't hear from him. Also, he takes a very long time to reply, sometimes an entire day. Do you think I should take this is a sign that he isn't that interested in me, or am I looking too deeply into this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2020): I think you can gauge or measure a person's interest by their willingness to keep in-touch. I have to clarify this comment; because there are people who judge by extremes. Some like to text or message all day long, every hour on the hour; and that's exhausting to the recipient. It is likely to cause them to avoid responding; because they pickup on the neediness, and peg you as starved for attention. It could also be indicative of a possessive kind of person; who expects you to jump when they call. They want to possess your every free moment; and make sure you're not talking to anybody else. They're easy to spot, they'll either blow-up your phone; or they're the first message in the morning and the last-one at night! That's too much if you're not official!
If you don't mind being treated like crap, read no further.
A guy who really likes you might not be a big-time texter; but he should call, if he prefers to hear your voice. If interested, he's also more likely to ask you out; because he enjoys spending his time with you. During Covid home-confinement, maybe not at the moment; but he'll make future plans. He will plan around his work-schedule, and he will let you know when he'll be busy. Rather than leave you in the dark, just go silent, or ignore you. He should be courteous enough to tell you if he doesn't like texting or messaging; so you'll both have an understanding. That's being considerate. Know that you deserve consideration and courtesy from any guy! You need contact, and he has to show you that you're not wasting time sitting around waiting to hear from him. You have better things to do; and your time is as important as his.
Use self-control, and restrain yourself a little for people who don't like lengthy conversations by text. Call, and leave a voicemail message; and tell them you're thinking of them. Avoid long messages! He'll hear your voice, it'll give him a warm feeling about you; and you're likely to get a call in return. That is, if he's not working or busy; and he has some free-time to talk. These are times when we have to rely on devices, but it shouldn't take days to get back to someone you really like; and you're trying to make a romantic-connection with. I don't think this guy is worth it.
Guys with whom you're trying to make a connection with should be responsive. If they leave you waiting for days, they're not interested. They may have only one thing on their mind, and talk and messaging is not it. It's rude to leave someone waiting more than a day for a reply. It's also a way of telling someone they're on-hold, but not particularly important. Even worse..."don't call me, I'll call you...that is, if and when I feel like it!" That's being an arrogant jerk, and a piss-ant! Give him but one chance to pull this stunt; and no matter how cute he is, or how much you think you like him...he's NOT that into YOU!
When you're connecting with someone you've met online; bear in-mind they may be contacting you and a few other people. Some also may be social media addicted, and are always online; and usually too busy reaching-out to their fan-base and followers, before they finally get-around to you! That's also an indication that he's not that into you, but has one interest. He can add you to his list of followers. Maybe you'll do in a pinch; or when his dating pool dries-up! You're kept at the back of the shelf for a rainy day. Don't allow anyone to treat you like that. It's beneath your dignity, and you deserve his respect. It's tempting to let him have his way; because you fear he'll just lose interest altogether. If that's the way he treats you now, guess how he'll treat you once he has met you? From what you've described, his first impression isn't at all a good-one. He thinks he's a rock star! If he's a workaholic, or has two or three jobs; then he really doesn't have time for dating. He's wasting your precious time.
When a guy shows you disrespect right from the start, and you still come groveling to him; he knows he can treat you any sort of way. He'll be nice on the surface, bribe you with empty-compliments, and sweet-talk you; but he won't treat you well. He can smell your desperation, and he knows you badly want a boyfriend; and he'll take advantage of that. He'll keep ignoring you, and getting back to you two or three days later. If you're still happy to hear from him; he knows you're pliable and needy, and he can get whatever he wants from you. It's better to block, delete, and move on; than let guys play you for a fool.
I know, you can't help it when loneliness gets the better of you. You can't let-on you're thirsty, or guys will do what he's doing now! That's not a sign he likes you; but he's testing you to see what he can get-away with, and still keep you on the hook. A decent-guy will message you to say he's busy or working, and will promptly get back to you. Not leave you hanging and waiting.
Some will say, if I worried about all that I'd never get a guy! My response to them is this. You might get a lot of guys, but they'll be a series of losers and jerks. The more jerks you subject yourself to, the more messed-up in the head and insecure you'll become. I'm just trying to protect a few tender hearts! If only one, that's a great accomplishment!
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (17 September 2020):
 He sounds like a bit of a game player to me.
In this day and age everyone has got their phone with them or close by, so there is no reason why it should take an entire day to reply.
If you don't text, you don't hear from him, so he can't even be bothered to initiate contact.
I think you need to abolish contact, delete his details and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 September 2020):
 If you met him on a dating site, my guess would be he is talking to multiple "applicants" and just replying when someone messages him first. Or he is already in a relationship and just looking for a "side chick". Or he is playing mind games with you, hoping this will intrigue you into pursuing him harder. Or he started something he can't finish and is, therefore, not initiating contact, just replying, hoping you will take the hint. Whichever, it is not good.
I would advise walking away.
Know your own worth. Look for someone who willingly puts in as much effort as you. That's the way good relationships work.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 September 2020):
 Yes, I think you should take it as a clue that he isn't into you.
Why waste time on a guy who don't seem to want to make an effort?
You already know what the situation is, no need for me to really tell you what you should do....
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