A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, I have a boyfriend (we'll call him Doug) of 10 months who's a great guy and we're very loving toward each other. We were close friends for 2 and half years before getting together. But there's something about the relationship that worries me. About a year and half ago I was in a different relationship and I was hanging out with my best friend (we'll call her Julie) a lot. She's still my best friend. Doug liked me at the time, and I liked him, but I wasn't available so we mostly ignored the feelings. But at one point Doug met Julie and mentioned how he thought she was cute and was interested in her. I agreed to try to fix them up. They went on a couple dates but it was awkward and they didn't hit it off. Julie told me she just had no feelings for him and that they'd make better friends. So we all remained friends, and it was good, and then Doug and I got together and it's been pretty nice ever since. But about two weeks into the relationship I realized that he had been or still was interested in my best friend. I asked Doug about it; I asked him if there was still any attraction and why he had wanted to date her in the first place. He said he was just extremely lonely and tired of being single and had selfishly wanted an excuse to spend more time with me. I believed him and we left it at that. But recently I started getting worried again. Doug and I are Julie's two best, and only, friends. She calls him sometimes if she can't get ahold of me, and once she called him just to chat because she was bored. I'm ok with that because I trust her. But, when that particular call happened, Doug didn't tell me about it. I found out a week later when Julie told me. So I thought to myself, "Why would Doug not tell me that Julie called him?" I wouldn't have minded, and Julie didn't make a big deal about it, so why would Doug be so secretive? I asked him about it, and he told me he just didn't want to make me more upset when I had been upset with him so often lately. We were in a rough patch at the time, so he has a point, but still...why treat it as something "wrong" unless it was "wrong", at least in his mind? Maybe he really thought Julie was interested in him too, and that's why he didn't tell me? He thought it was supposed to be secret?Also, on Valentine's Day, he sent her and I the same picture message of a candy heart with a comical saying on it. He didn't send it to anyone else, and he didn't tell me he did that...so again I was curious. Also, Julie said that when we're together Doug rarely ever looks at her, not even when she's talking. He just sort of stares off into space or stares at me. And this makes me wonder if he purposely tries to avoid looking at her because he's attracted to her and doesn't want to acknowledge it? I'm confused.And now, just last week, Julie called me twice on my cell and I didn't answer because I was busy. She then tried to call Doug, who was at work. He told me about the call but he says he didn't answer. However, when I looked in his phone it said the call was recieved...it doens't say how long the call lasted, though. And I don't know what to believe here...maybe he accidently pressed the answer button, as he told me he must have, or maybe it's something else? I haven't asked Julie if he answered or not. All this is just making me sort of worried and I'd like some feedback. Do you think he's interested in her?
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female
reader, doniar +, writes (9 May 2008):
hey!
Honestly I think that you shouldn't be worried. to me as long you have the guy and hes with you.. you shouldn't be worried. everyone thinks about other people in some way but he loves ? who he with? you! so don't worry so what he thinks she cute.. hes been with you for that long do you think hell give it up for her? i don't think so..lets say iam wrong and he ended up liking her then you know of then and for the best.. other than that don't mind it be happy with your boyfriend and don't worry about a thing.. i hope you believe in my words. good luck :)
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