A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Can someone please help me work out what my husband behaviour means - I am just so confused from one hour to the next. He can be almost flirty and funny one minute the next he is picking holes in my use of words, will ignore me and say I'm interrupting him when he's watching the TV (nothing special - just every day programmes) and say that I am lazy. He has more and more put himself first over the years and instead of saying 'what shall we do this weekend?' he just tells me what he is doing. When I arrange something for myself it always seems to conflict with his plans so I back down. I have read about controlling men and I am worried I am married to one. He is obsessively tidy and one minute says he would rather I was happier and the house less tidy but then he will spit at me that the house is a mess, or he is sneezing with the dust.I have sold my car as he no longer wanted to pay the bills on it (even though he earns a lot of money)so we car share but that causes arguments and some days he will go out all day and I am stuck. He did this even on my birthday.He has told me that I must know he is the only person I can talk to about stuff. He can be nice and sweet but then will flare up and pick fault so I am a nervous wreck.What is this I feel I am unable to monitor it because the mood changes nI get confused and forgive him. I have got to the point where I am constantly worrying whether he is happy or not and I am numb.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): He may have serious issues from the past that has him controlled. Low self esteem, depression could be part of his makeup. With the information provided, we can only guess as to what might be wrong.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Isolation is a tale tail sign of bullying/controlling behaviour, and taking away your car is isolating you.
It sounds like your dependency on him needs to be broken, do you have a job? if not get one, obviously he will oppose this, if you have a job save a little every week towards a car.
Another sign is cutting down options, instance of this is the tidying thing, in the end you can't do right which ever you do. The subconcious aim is that the task is handed over to the bully. its done exactly how he wants it when he demands.
You need to put up resistance against him and this may mean raised voices. I get the feeling you are quite passive. read up on assertiveness and make your stand.
ex
'Stop critising me all the time do realise you are eroding my self esteem'
'no i'm not'
'I know how i feel, and i don't like it.
Stick up for yourself, you can do it!
Good luck God bless
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