A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have just broken up, he has been seeing another woman for a month, I found this out yesterday. We've been together for a year and a half and I feel as though my whole life has come tumbling down. I know who the woman is and it's someone he works with, she is pretty and ambitious and I feel ugly in comparrison and I'm not so ambitious as I have two children so just work part time.At the moment I feel like just hidng myself away but can't as my kids need me. They know something is wrong as I keep crying. Is it worth trying to fight for him? I cannot imagine just moving on. I haven't rang him up or had any other contact since yesterday lunch time yet I feel like I want to, I can't imagine life without him now. Do you think he will come back? I have al these thoughts... is she better than me in bed, is she more funny, didn't he love me after all?Any advice from anyone
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): i have a rule, never fight over anybody. if the person loved you then you wouldnt need to fight for them as they would be with you. neither would i give anyone the satisfaction of seeing me fight over them, better to walk away, you are worth more and you will come through this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): My experience was very much like yours, I have two kids and after the breakup with my bf, found I focused from the thing that was most important to me, my two kids. The pain I caused them because I focused on a guy that was not as important as my kids, broke my heart. YOU move on, he is not worth what pain your kids will experience at their lose of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): It must be so hard for you right now. I went through a similar thing 11 months ago. My bf of 7 years (who I lived with) split up with me, moved out, and I found out he had been seeing a woman from work for the last 3 months we were together. I was heart broken - I had never felt like it before.
You're bound to have so many questions going through your head that only he can answer, but you might not get the chance to ask them and hear the answers.
I know it's really hard to believe, but there is nothing wrong with you. You have to try to stop thinking about the other woman because it will drive you crazy. Easier said than done, I know, but you have to try.
You're doing really well to not have any contact with him. If this is possible (is he still wanting involvement with your kids? in which case it might not be), then I strongly urge you to carry on with the no contact rule. I found writing a letter to my ex, asking all the questions you mention along with writing about my feelings (which I never sent, and he has never read) helped. Distraction also helped me a lot. I used to cry each morning for weeks because I was waking up alone, but had to pull myself together to go to work. Spending time with my friends really helped me through - I hope you have someone that you can talk to?
My ex and I did get back together 6 months later - nothing came of his thing with the girl from work. For a while, I was really happy, until I realised that I could not trust him and our relationship was therefore not good for me, and I realised that I actually did not love him anymore, and did not want him back (unthinkable 1 year ago!).
It will take a long time to feel better, but you'll get there. Perhaps he will come back, but perhaps he won't. You need to try and concentrate on being kind to your self and making sure your kids are coping ok. Talk to someone you trust about it all, and if you need time to yourself, try and arrange a babysitter for your kids.
Look after yourself. x
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A
female
reader, Janicp14  +, writes (17 April 2009):
You will never know the answers to your questions, because he lied to you. He deceived you, and even if he answered your questions, do you think you'd really believe him after what he did?
I know what it's like to feel 'not good enough' compared to the other woman. What you have to do is learn to love yourself. Loving yourself does not come from being the most beautiful woman you know. Loving yourself comes from being the most accomplished woman you can be.
Maybe there is a forgivable reason why he did what he did, but that's not your problem. You ARE worth more than that. You are a loving mom, a loving partner, a strong, successful woman. And any man who does not see that, trust me, is not worth it. I know you feel he is. But there are so many men out there, who if given the chance to get to know you, would never do what he did. Who would truly love you for who you are. Don't waste your time on men who don't see that.
I know it's hard, and you miss him dearly, and your self-esteem has been hurt by what he did. It's okay to be hurt. But, keep in mind that now HE is the one who is gonna have to do some major crawling back before deserving you. If you don't see that, then you will always find yourself attracted to men like him. You have to love yourself first, before others can love you.
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