A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently met a man at a party. We were chatting for a while and I found him really interesting company- he seemed like an intelligent, unassuming and basically nice guy and we had quite a lot in common and, on first impressions, similar outlook on life. He was also really sweet and complimentary towards me. However, he is 12 years older than me and physically not at all the type I would usually go for. He asked me whether I'd like to meet up with him for a drink and took my number. However, at this point - as I didn't think I was interested in dating him and I didn't want to lead him on - I said I would prefer it to be on a friends basis (I regret this now as there was no need to say anything- could have just met up with him and sorted out how I felt then). He then gave the impression that that's what he intended all along but I'm not sure as I think he was interested in me and that I hurt his feelings a bit. This made subsequent conversation a bit awkward but we still parted amicably and he said 'see you soon' However he hasn't called. I totally regret knocking him back now and really want to go on a date! So in desperation I added him as a friend on face book but 3 days later he hasn't accepted. I'm sure that if he was interested he would have called me so I don't think he's even given me a second thought- but I'd be appreciative of any advice especially from guys, to put me out of my misery! If this happened to you would you still call if you were interested?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): Just thought you'd like to know- I did email him via FB and he messaged back and we're going on a date :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): I don't actually have his number so I can't call him, hence the attempt to contact on FB. The heading they gave my entry wasn't right. But thanks anyway :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): Just because he didn't respond to your friend request doesn't mean that he isn't interested anymore, god only knows I check facebook like once a week so don't put merit in that. If you feel you have a strong connection with this person then call him, what have you got to lose! That is the only sure way you'll find out if he's still interested. Think about it would you be that eager to call someone who made it clear they just wanted to be friends ( I think you're right in thinking his feelings were a little hurt), by calling him you will show him that you still have an interest in persuing something. If he doesn't respond to your one time call, then let it go!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): Thanks for your advice. I do agree that as he has my number he would call if he was interested. Also that when he thought I only wanted to be friends, this wasn't of interest to him.
However, he is a friend of a friend and I know a bit about him so I don't think he was only interested in sex that night or anything.
This was just over a week ago- is too late to give up hope? I was fine for a few days then out of nowhere I started thinking about him a lot. I can't phone him anyway as I don't have his number. I regret the facebook thing as my golden rule is also that women shouldn't chase men- another friend advised me to do it but I should have known better. Agrhh!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 October 2009):
It could be two things. It could be that he really was interested in you as a person and really did want to get to know you, but when he put himself out a bit, you knocked him and he decided not to contact you again for fear of being hurt. A man's ego really is very fragile and it can hurt if we're turned down, especially after plucking up the courage to ask someone for a date or number.
There is of another explanation, and that is that he was more interested in getting you into bed (excuse the bluntness). Maybe he was just trying his luck, and when you turned him down, he decided he could find someone else.
Don't feel bad about it. He hasn't accepted you as a friend on facebook, he hasn't called, and even if he did wants to be friends, he would have done something by now. I think you would be better off letting him go and finding someone else. Give yourself time, and always really get to know the guy when you meet him, so you know what he's really after. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hotmommanell +, writes (26 October 2009):
Leave him be. You ruined it! I strongly believe that women never need to chase men. EVER. The reason is how men are. Men will take whatever is offered. You may not be their type, he may not be interested in a LTR, but he will sleep with a woman for no strings attached purposes just to relieve his urge. That’s why if it had been reversed, if you had initially approached him, he would have never sized you up thinking “she’s 12 years younger, I’m not really interested, I’m not sure…” blah de blah. He would have thought wow, this hot young chick shows some interest. I bet I can get her in the sack. The night proceeds, it’s wham bam thank you m’am. And he never calls again. Happens all the time.
And it’s been empirically proven, that a man will go off with a strange woman who approaches him for a promise of some nookie. So what’s the lesson? Let men approach you! Let them chase you! That way you know if he’s really, really interested in you.
If he doesn’t approach and he doesn’t call he doesn’t want you period. Now this guy was interested and you could call him, but I advise against it. If you were still really on his mind you would have heard from him by now. He has your number.
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