A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with this man for 10 months. We have similar marital histories so there was a lot of understanding between us. He has never said he loved me though I believe he has strong feelings for me. He would mention our old age. we rent a house each on the same street as i moved to his area when he asked me to. I had personal reasons due to my divorce for moving and when he asked i felt it was an ideal opportunity for my son and myself to begin a new life. My lease is up in august and i said that i would move from our street he took it as an ultamatum and it has caused a lot of damage to our relationship. I thought we were ok but lately i've found that he brings up that l'm very attractive and how is it that i've not dated very much. l'm split up 5 yrs. I've been tense and asked why he wanted to move in with me but he didn't reply. the next day he sent a text saying he didn't need this hassle and called it off with me, he changed his mind 1 hour later. We both said some things we wish we didn't and a couple of days passed. He refused to talk to me and i felt that it would be better to call it a day.I realised that i had made a huge mistake and texted him apologising for the hurt i had caused. I've made it clear to him that I would like to have a relationship with him without any pressure. He replied he would still like to have a relationship with me but he has cancelled twice meeting with me and l'm at a loss now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to say a huge thank you to Lexilou, Danielepew and Adinl for the advice you've given it has been a very big help. Although we haven't moved in together yet and realised that you were right cos i wasn't ready to move in with him. We are very much in love and will be moving in together in march this yr.
Your advice has given me a different perspective of men and helped me to think differently about them. I know that l'm worth something now and he shows me everyday how important i am to him. thank you all so much.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's been hurt badly in the past and has difficulty with trusting anyone. Part of me felt sorry for him and then i fell in love with him. He's gorgeous personality. He's introduced his daughter to me and has got to know my son too. He's shy and doesn't have any friends, doesn't keep in touch with his family either. I was verbally abused by my ex and took me long time to see it.I cut off my family and friends but time is a healer and ultimately i believe in the goodness of people.
He says i must let him lead, he wants to see me, I let him know how i feel about him. He spends 2 nights with me and an hour during the week catching up chatting. I'm not happy with this cos feel if we're moving in together that it isn't enough. I think l've been too available for him and maybe now l've ruined a great relationship, if we do get back together i would like to change this but i don't know how to go about it without causing hurt, cos this started when i asked him not to call one evening as i wanted time on my own.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 I agree the ball is in his court in a way but I can undertand why you are a bit reluctant to let him move in with you. He is probably feeling a little bit rejected because he wanted to move in with you and you were not sure - but I think you felt a bit pressured. As for the remarks auout your attractiveness he maybe feels you are a little bit to good for him - has he been hurt in the past maybe?? Give it some time - send him a letter not a text - tell him how you really feel - tell him how scary it is too - tell him you dont want to get hurt - at the same time tell him you dont want to lose him if that is how you feel. Then give him time to reply and take it from there x Good luck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Either he isn't sure of having a relationship with you, or he knows what he wants but is aware it's not what you want. Like adinl said, don't call him again. Not because we love the chase (if the prey is too difficult, we settle for another) but because the ball is in his court.
One comment: you may have a relationship without pressure. But never offer a relationship no matter what. That will only do you harm.
Take much care.
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A
female
reader, adinl +, writes (4 May 2008):
Babe, does not matter how old you are, the rules still apply. Do not call him again. Do not appear as though you care. Do not, ever, allow him to think that he is the be all and end all of your life. Sorry all you guys out there, but fundamentally men like to chase. Let him do that. Let him make you feel like a million dollars and until he asks you to do what you want (and deserve) keep your own space. Hey, you are an attractive girl. I am 46 and believe me honey, this works. Good luck
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