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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been seeing a great guy for a year now and absoloutely love him to death, however, sex has never gotten off the ground, we have obviously tried it a lot but either it is over and one with before its begun or it just doesnt happen. We get on great as friends and love being with each other. However,now he has told me that he is not in love with me and only sees me as a friend and wants to carry on as we are just friends. Do you think he could be gay or what is the problem? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Sorry, poster, but we can't help you if you're vague. Maybe you can make use of private messages if you think that's better?
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Offcourse we can have genuine female friends.
Sometimes you just don't see a woman that way.
If he is gay there would be other signs.
But I would really look into him having some sort of sexual problem like impotency first. After all, he did try at the beginning.
Read up on impotency and performance anxiety.
You still haven't said what you mean by "it was over before it began". Did he come too soon? loose his erection or not even get one?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 March 2008):
I'm not sure I get this one right. It still might be that he just wants to be your friend, and that doesn't make anyone gay.
However, if what you mean here is that he sort of wants you to play the role of a girlfriend but without the sex, perhaps he could be gay.
In any case, just say no and move on. As Irish said, he's not offering what you want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): We can't tell you if he gay, or has ED, or has sexual problems. We simply don't know. All we know is he stated, he wants to be friends and isn't 'in love' with you.
You've both tried dating, having intimacy together, but it's not working out. So now..as much as it pains you, you need to step back and look at this rationally...and ask yourself..what is the purpose of dating this man when he's not on the same page as you are. The goal to dating someone, is to finding that one special person who will love you and will want to be in a loving mutually, committed relationship with you. I think once you mull this over and begin understand that your friendship is important to him but he's not the one you can get into a dating relationship with...you will be able to move onto other dating potentials.
You can choose to remain friends with him but I think it's time for you not to shortchange yourself, here. You need to talk to him and state, you want to get out and find someone better suited to what you want..someone you are compatible with in all aspects of a relationship. Someone who can love you back, someone who wants to share the intimacy of lovemaking with you, someone who will make you his special lady. Good luck and take care
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 March 2008):
Dear poster, you have a point: it doesn't take a year to know whether you find someone hot (it usually takes a millisecond). However, Lazy Guy is giving you some options: perhaps he has some ED, or has someone else, or many other possibilities. Not liking you does not make him gay.
By the way, who says you can't be hot?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (24 March 2008):
I think it's just that he is not into you.
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A
female
reader, lilmisse2424  +, writes (24 March 2008):
 It could be a possibilty, but I think it is more along the lines of the fact that he's no longer attracted to you. Either way, stay friends with him. Nothing bad happened between the both of you, but at least you kept your relationship with him as just friends which is always good.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (24 March 2008):
Why certain, the world is filled with gays. Practically every woman I meet is a lesbian because she refuses to sleep with me.
Crude, but just because a man does not want a certain woman does not make him gay.
He might just not have any experience and that makes him nervous and have performance problems. He might have a low sex drive. You might not be as hot as you think. He could be a quick ejaculator. He may suffer from impotency.
Not being in love with you is unlikely to relate to it to the missing sex, but if he has problems he may well detach himself from you to avoid further hardship.
Frankly there are way to many possible causes and not enough details.
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A
male
reader, HMBBabyface +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Though homosexuality is a possibility, it's just as likely that he's not attracted to you. The best thing you can do in either case is be his friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Oh dear, I am sorry to hear about your relationship and can feel your frustrations. As hurtful as this may sound (it isn't intended to be), he doesn't see you as "the one" which you would obviously like him to do as you clearly love him alot. My advice, only through my own experience, get out before you get really hurt. If sex isn't good from the start, it never will be. If he doesn't see you as a sexy lover now, it will never change. If I was in your shoes I would leave him and find someone who can meet all your needs and more importantly, want you as a long term lover and committed relationship, not someone who wants you as and when it fits with them - these type of men are called "users" whereby they only think of their needs and take take take, he will never be a pleaser to you, which is what you are. Please, find someone who is a pleaser too and you will have the most wonderful life together, both sexually and as best friends.Good luck and please, find that courage to make the change.
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