A
female
age
41-50,
*talianhoney
writes:Here is my dilemma... Back in December my husband went to Japan for military duties for 2 weeks with 2 other guys. When he came back I found that he emailed to these 2 guys a picture of a local girl....I asked him who that was and he said she was working at the hotel where they were staying and he also said that they became friends with the whole hotel stuff and they went to dinner all together (I saw pictures of the dinner)....He wanted to reassure me that nothing happened and he told me you can ask her and gave me the phone number of the hotel and there was an email address... I emailed her pretending that I was him and she replied in a friendly manner like nothing happened. I even teased her a little bit saying "Do you miss me?" and she avoided the question... After that I thought everything is good and forgot all about it! Last week one of the guys that went to Japan with my husband wrote him asking if he was going to Japan for the whole year with them and my husband said "no I cant go for the year!" and the guy replied: "I understand but you know Mia is there" (Mia is the girl I was talking about earlier). I asked him what did he mean by that, and my husband said he doesn't know, he has no idea. WTH??? Why would he say stuff like that?This is the first time in 4 years that he gave me a "doubt", he has always been an open book, I never had a reason to think he was messing around, I have all of his passwords and access to his phone, we spend all of our free time together... I told him to ask the guy via email why would he say stuff like that (this guy is over seas now) and I told him that I want to see his answer...My husband agreed but he said:" are you sure that you are not going to be mad if he says something stupid?" ... I told him:"If nothing happened why would he say something stupid, you shouldn't be concerned...". My gut feeling tells me that he didn't cheat on me but he flirted or something of that extent but he wont admit it!! There is something there that is not telling me and it's killing me.... Feel free to tell me what you think about the situation....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2009): please get a std check up, just in case.but plse keep your eyes ans ears open.
A
female
reader, italianhoney +, writes (2 May 2009):
italianhoney is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your answers, I really appreciate your advices. I just wanted to add a detail that i forgot to mention which is that the guy who wrote my husband is a number 1 cheater, he is engaged and has a lot of women on the side...I think he definetely flirted but it bothers me that he is not telling me the truth. I wouldnt care if he would just admit that he flirted... Anyway I keep my eyes open but so far everything seems good and I am sure I am a MAJOR SNOOPER ( i know i shouldnt but I invested too much in this marriage) :-) Thanks again
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A
male
reader, Love4Life +, writes (1 May 2009):
 I would say your looking into it to much. I don't know all the detail but let me tell you what I see. First off I have a lot of buddies some witch are dogs and cheat on their girls. I also have buddies that are totally faithful. I noticed that my friends who cheat will hide their cells from their wives and usually won't give them access to their personal e-mails. The fact that he gives you permission to see his mail and cell alone tells me he isn't hiding anything. His buddies sound single and single friends will some times make comments to married or faithful friends forgetting that their not single. It's just the way they think and because their not in a relationship they forget others are and expect them to check out girls with them. I would probably say your right about him flirting with her but it doesn't sound like he's cheated. Also if your gut tells you he hasn't I would trust your gut. But if you feel like something is their. Keep an eye open just don't let him know you have a eye open. It's always better to keep your eyes open but make sure you know before you accuse. I myself don't like to be accused. I have and by the grace of God will never cheat on a girl I'm with. So if theirs nothing their just let it go but at the same time keep your eyes open without saying so (got to be a little jealous just not over jealous). He sounds like a good guy and would be stupid to cheat on you. I hope this has helped.
Miah
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): If he was out on military service and a girl went to dinner with him ,i bet it wasn't more than harmless teasing from the guy you know the *She's alright ifyou weren't already going out with sumone*Plus she's japanese, they are very very formal and not the type to do onenight stands, trust!
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A
female
reader, Lilly Rose  +, writes (1 May 2009):
 I don't think he has cheated by the temptation is there, a pretty girl paying him attention was prob all it was, when you have been with someone awhile, a new person seems exciting etc but that was prob it, if you have talked to him about it and hes given you her email etc then he surely doesnt have anything to hide! If he did the signs should be stronger! Don't let it ruin what you have with him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): From your story I definitely think he flirted with Mia. Plus, it sounds like the whole group of men have discussed her as an exciting memory and object. I've been in this situation before. It's usually a thing where your husband parties with her, talked and drank with her, and they both indicated they think the other is hot, etc. It's hard on you I know. My b/f has done this a lot. I finally just told him that no matter what he claims, the evidence and my gut combined convinced me he macked on her. I told him if there is ever any evidence of more with her or anyone, he will lose me the day I find out, because if he needs more than me, he doesn't need me. So far, that's worked out. By the way, just to infect you with my paranoia, the orient is widely known as the business man's playground. I also know this first hand having travelled there for pleasure and business myself. Second, fyi, it is very easy to prop other people and emails and forwards and all that stuff to APPEAR as we want...The other thing I recommend is to line up the same scenario for yourself. Men don't stop this behavior unless two things: They lose their mate, or they get burned in the same way. So I am all for you getting some picture and cutsey flirt thing going on your end, and deny any affair when you're "discovered" to show him how it feels.
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