A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated this girl for about a year, pretty much all throughout our senior year of high school. we took things very slow and over the course of the rest of the school year and into summer we fell in love. We were each other's best friend and told each other everything. we had a great balance between emotions and our physical connection. We both went different directions for college, so we were about 5 hours apart. We were both very committed to making it work because we both were deeply in love with each other. We saw each other a fewtimes over the first few months but then during our longest time apart things kinda got tense. We tended to get frustrated easily, a lot having to do with our attempts at visiting always falling through. We didn't talk like we used to. We could talk for hours and enjoy every minute, but for some reason over a few weeks she said she lost hte joy of talking to me. About one week before we were about to see each other we talked on the phone and she broke up with me. I was crushed. I was having a tough time at school and she was the one thing that kept me going. She basicaly said she did not want a boyfriend and that things weren't really working out. We ended up seeing each other a week later and came over to talk and catch up a bit. There wasn't any awkwardness really. On the way out she kissed me on the cheek. Over the next week she said she couldn't help but always text me and even called to talk for about 20 minutes. After confessing her feelings weren't gone, she said she just didn't think she could handle the situation of being so far away and what not. The next night she texted me goodnight and ended it with...still love you...We talked in person before she left and she told me she just couldn't handle the situation. She told me if she followed her heart she'd be with me but in her head she thought it was too hard. (She was always busy with school and cheerleading) At the end of the night she walked away and came back to kiss me on the lips this time and even told me she loved me. A few weeks later we saw each other again. we only talked 2 times over a few weeks. we went to coffee and she was flirty and touchy and it was an enjoyable afternoon. After all this when she was leaving she kissed me 3 different times on the cheek then left. We texted a few times and she even called me babe in a text which caught me way off guard. Our last night over break I brought her dinner and we ate it together and everything went fairly smooth. We ended up playing a game and watching a movie with her family. The whole movie she would reach out and grab my hand and we held hands for almost the whole movie...we went upstairs to talk and she again told me she didn't want a boyfriend but obviously feelings were still there. We had an extremely open conversation about things and that she wanted us to do our own thing but come summer time we could hang out and see how things go. After we started kissing she stopped and looked at me and said 'i still love you...' so the night ended well and while we both went back to school we kept talking. Every night she'd call and one night we talked for like 2 hours. Basically we talked exactly how we did when we went out, saying i love you, calling me baby/love you name it. Then once school started rolling she stopped contacting me as much. Sometiems she'd ignore my messages and simply wouldn't respond. After a few weeks of this we texted and at the end of the conversation called me love so i kinda got my hopes up again. There was a weekend I was supposed to visit her but she decided she didnt really think it was best for me to come b/c it would make things harder. Weird because 2 weeks before she said she couldnt wait to see me again and would randomly text how she missed me. Really makes me wonder what her friends are saying to her. This confused the absolute hell out of me. We talked on the phone one time and she basically said she changed her mind about things and that she thought we couldn't continue to talk like this and what not because she knew i wanted more. Of course I did and why wouldnt I when she's showing me all the signs everything is still there. We exchanged emails and she basically gave me final closure (like 2 months after breaking up) She told me she would wait to hear from me to talk next. 2 weeks went by and i got a message from her surprisingly enough. Now this is what really screws with my head. It's a video message of a concert, where the artist was performing a song, and of course it was our song when we went out. By the way this was on valentines day :/ She said I'm at this concert, thought you'd like. It's a love song of course so I was shocked. I hesitated to text back, but eventually said thank you etc. She responded a minute after every text message and kept asking how i was, how school was, what i'd been up to. At the end of the convo, she said she had to go but asked me to text her this weekend to catch up more "if you'd like" Part of me really wanted to but I decided not to. If she didnt' say "if you'd like" I would've felt obligated to text. It's been a week since this and we've had no contact. Our anniversary is coming up within a few days so who knows if she'll text. I have no idea where to go from here. I almost texted her during the week because I do miss talking to her. I honestly feel like she misses talking to me, especially since i know she enjoyed it so much. I don't want to buy into the video message too much, but it really shocked me and got me thinking. Deep down i believe she still loves me, because what we had just won't go away over night. After our break up over 3 months ago I never thought she'd say i love you and we'd kiss again but obviously both of those things happen. I am still very much in love with her, exactly why i am writing. I would do anything to get back with her and get back to how things used to be. I always told myself during the summer things would change, especially because everytime we took a step forward after our break up, we were at home. I haven't gone on a date or anything since, but I have a feeling if she found out I went out with a girl she would get very jealous. When we dated I never gave her anything to get jealous about, simply because she was the only girl i wanted to be with or even hang out with. Do you think starting to date other girls would bring something out in her or do you think my hope is lost. Do you think I should text her to catch up or wait for her to make the move again? I'm really confused and would love to hear back. I'm sorry this message is so long :/ Any advice would greatly help me!
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anniversary, best friend, broke up, crush, fell in love, flirt, I love you, jealous, kissing, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lilly123  +, writes (11 March 2009):
 i think you should follow what your heart is telling you you seem to have thought this through so go for it. you are rite it is not doing you any good so it has to stop being the way it is. i hope it works out for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks lilly! Yeah i do really love her, been in love with her for years now and finally got the chance to fall in love WITH her. I think about her all the time, and am always wondering if she's thinking of me. I've never been the type of guy to make someone else jealous bc i wouldnt want to hurt her in any way so i see your point. I dont think hanging out with girls can hurt because she did dump me and i am on my own now, but the motivation wont be to get back at her in any way. I think next time I see her i need to kind of put my foot down bc im driving myself crazy over when shes gonna call, if shes gona text etc. I made her something before we broke up (list of why i miss her) and i never got to give it to her. I think when we see each other nxt im gonna say 'i love you, i want to be with you and i hate being w/o you but talking and catching up is driving me crazy because i always will want more. I think i'm gonna give her the list and say i'm done and see what happens. This constant cycle is getting to my head and u ntil she feels like shes losing me, i dont see her wanting me back...her ex bf before me still confesses his love for her even though he has a gf!!!! If i turn into him, basically on his hands and knees for her she'll always just keep him there as a friend, and simply nothing more. If i go away it'll give her time to think and if she really loves me and desires to be with me then she'll have the chance to take action. What do you think?
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A
female
reader, lilly123 +, writes (28 February 2009):
Wow you really love this girl dont you, you're right, feelings don't just turn off over night, of course she still loves you but being in a long distance relationship is really hard and a lot of the time it don't work because you need to be with that person physically, just talking on the phone is not enough. The fact is whilst the two of you are still at different colleges it is not worth trying to make her jealous because you're still not going to be able to be together even though she is jealous and it will just hurt her. I think you need to try and move on even though it will be hard and you may never get over her you should try, if you still in contact with her after college try and rekindle what you had.I hope it works out for you ;et me know wot you decide to do.
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