A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:PLease help me figure if this is safe??? I met a man online and we have been communicating for two weeks. We are bothi n our mid forties. There is total chemistry between us. We are meeting in a week or so. He emailed me last night that he had a dream that I handcuffed him and had high heels on while he was on all four hands and legs on the floor on a leash. Now my question is, does this guy sound dangerous? I am willing to explore new experiences slowly and have told him that I am not going to get sexually involved unless I fall in love.. PLease help me so I can stay safe, I am a mommy! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (23 January 2010):
 @Marieclair...surely it is better that he has been honest with her now, rather than keep quiet about it and it shock her later?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the reponses, I did contribute to this as I have been abstinent for years. I told him I wanted to find the right man, fall in love and fulfill our sexual desires slowly. I was so excited as he seemed so nice and cute. I initiated a lot of discussion about sex as I thought it was harmless. He probably thought I was extrememly experienced , (I am just dying for a relationship) I have womenly needs to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2010): Hes hit the deck running with his fetish. It seems more important to him than forming a relationship with you. As you are uncomfortable with his requirements it might be best to leave him to find someone whos more in tune with his needs. I have a feeling you two are on different wavelengths. His interests are sex based while you are looking for a loving relationship.
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female
reader, supermum +, writes (15 January 2010):
I would not let him scare you...but why dont you take on a Mistress role, and say tell him he is not allowed to mention sex until you tell him it is appropriate... that could excite him, and it will get the sex topic off your back. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are right Marie Claire, he scared the heck out of me
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female
reader, Silence and Sorrow +, writes (14 January 2010):
 If it helps, ma'am, not all things involved in BDSM require hurting the submissive. It is a thing of trust and growing. He's offering you his gift of submission and trusting you not to hurt him either.
If you decide you want him to be yours make sure that you discuss limits and safety measures. Make sure that you both understand that the dynamic can end if anything goes wrong. It's these things that help keep hurting each other down.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual.
Also,try to make the effort to improve each other. It's not meant for him to become totally dependent or you to have to carry the weight of every decision. It is give and take and trust.
Punishments might be needed from time to time but they can be as mild as writing what was done wrong and what should have been done to being physically punished, to- my worst- standing in the corner, to ignoring him for a set period of time. Most subs agree that having the Dom ignore you is often the most painful punishment, but it makes them remember the lesson.....
And i just rambled a bit too long. I'm sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the great answers. Everyone was right. He sent me a follow up email telling me he would love to be my slave and have me own him. And that he would love to wear a chastity belt so I would own his manhood. I agree he is into BDSM a world that might be scary to someone like me. I coul never hurt anyone. I really do not understand it but my instincts say it is scary..
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (14 January 2010):
 I doubt he even dreamt that to be honest. I think he was letting you know what he is in to and testing the waters for your reaction.
Two weeks in tho and comments like this would make me take a back step. For me,I have to establish a deep mutual emotional bond before doing something 'outside the box', ... so feeling it was being possibly prempted by a guy at this stage in would make me question his motive and interest in me as a person, and would probably turn me off to be honset.
Each to their own tho. Even if he did dream it, it is a clearly a fantasy or it would not have found subconscious expression, ...question is would he consciously want to follow through with it, and if so, could you be on the same page?
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reader, supermum +, writes (13 January 2010):
To me, it sounds like he has sub fantasies, in the world of BDSM...which in my eyes means he is probably harmless (i am a sub too). However, when meeting someone off the net, always abide by these rules of thumb1)Meet in a public place2) have a friend call you halfway through the meet, if you really dont like him and want to get away you can make your excuses then.3)Always tell a friend where you are going and what time you expect to get back (ring them as soon as you get back)4)Make sure you see him on Webcam before you meet, this will help verify his identity.5)if you can, get his phone number (home would be better, but mobile will do) and his car registration number. Hand these over to your friend.Good luck!PS i met my current bf off the net, so things can work out!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): Depending on how close you feel to him you have to judge if that dream of his was too much information or not. Could be he was just nervous about meeting you and guys sometimes just say the most awkward things. But what he had was just a dream, so I don't think you should read much more into it. Meet him in a safe spot, out in public? And if you are very unsure of his true intentions have a friend come along? A small percentage of the people you meet online are up to no good, ruining the fun for everyone else. Chances are high he's just a regular guy, but there's that chance he could be no good too, so trust your gut feeling and don't agree to meet him places where you are not comfortable. Always bring your phone with you to call for a friend to pick you up if you need that.
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reader, Silence and Sorrow +, writes (13 January 2010):
I don't think it's all fantasy. It sounds like he's into BDSM and is interested in you being his Domme. I agree about meeting him and staying in public, but he doesn't sound dangerous to me. Of course, I have a leash and my Dom had used it and had me bound to our bed. The big thing since he seems kinked is to move slow and not let him lead you. Even if he wants you to do those things any chances of it happening are totally your call. Find out if you like the real him before considering going along with his kinks though. Good luck.
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reader, mini cupid xxxx +, writes (13 January 2010):
 i think that if you really want to meet him make sure that you are with friends and in a public place .
and if you dont feel uncomfortable least you can have a mate their so you can leave safely
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 January 2010):
Well he's moving a bit fast telling you about something like that when you haven't even met yet.
But that doesn't mean he's dangerous, it may just mean he's excited to have female contact so he's being a bit forward.
Meet him in a public place. Tell a friend you are going on a date and that you'll text her when you are home and safe.
Then just treat it like any other date. Go out, have fun with him, see if you like him and then get a taxi home.
If you like him then see him again, but tell him you want to take it slowly and are after a relationship.
If he's just after sex then he'll push for it on the first night and then won't call again.
Good Luck!! xx
PS. Why does the fact you have had a child change your ability to look after your personal safety?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 January 2010):
At the moment, it just sounds like a fantasy. Take it slow with him and make sure you really get to know him (in a public place) before you do anything. It just sounds like a fantasy.
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