A
female
age
30-35,
*lr
writes:Hey guys..I read through a few topics and realized its not only me who was going through the stress of breaking up with someone u love more than ur life..I basically come from India and i was in a relationship with this guy (indian as well) from over 2:5 years now..it all started very smooth..he asked me out ..i was a bit concerned in the beginning because we both didnt share same religion and my family is bit strict on that..I belong to a Sikh religion and he is a Hindu..though very similar..bt i was always scared of my family and kept telling him this is not the right thing and we should stop and i feel as if we are cheating on our parents trust... he just loved me out of this world..for him i was the most important person on this planet..in the first one year i broke up three times with him just bcause i wanted the destiny to decide our faith..at times i would tell him to just forget me adn move on and at others i would tell him to wait for God to make the door open for us..i would tell him to make his carerr and come talk to my parents..he pleaded me to just stay in his life and that would make him concenttreate on his carerr..i would message him once in a while and he would leave eerything and anythning and come talk to me( we live at about 6 hours drive from each other)..and then i went back home for a trip for a month and a half..during that time i realized wt he really meant to be and how hard it was for me to spend every day without looking at his updates( although not in my friends list ..i would look for his profile)and when i was coming back from my country ..although i was sad to be away from my friends..i had this happy feeling that im going close to my love..my life..and first thing i did was contacted him..and he was just not sure about anything when i asked him to take me back in his life..he said u never were out of my life..bt this time he wants me to think about it twice because it gets very tough on him after and i said i have now decided that it is in fact inpossible to have a survival without having u in my life and by my side..things got all normal and we had a happy life together for a while before he started university..once he joined university things started changing..hes a very fun loving person and a big time flirt( he was always open about this to me ..he would tell me that every second gurl comes and proposes me but u just have to trust me that i love you and only you and no one can ever replace your place in my life..) i was just very confident about it and ..like other couples we NEVER HAD THESE FIGHTS OVER GURLS AND THAT I DONT TRUST, DONT BREAK MY TRUST AND ALL that...we were very happy together because all his gurl friends knew he is going out with me and i would soemtimes talk to them so i had that assurance and safety..bt once he started university..the time that earlier i owned in his life now started getting dividede..he started stayig more busy..i know with school its hard bt i was in university already and it never changed my priorities..he would not come online as much and if i called him he would talk for a while and then hang up on me by saying i will tty at night ..at night he ll come online and tell me how he was busy with frinds all day and now going to sleep since have schoolearly next morning..i would spend my night in tears..or msging him..offlines or texting or emailing and in the morning he ll just smile at me adn tell im sorry and i love you and only you..these woords always worked...i knew he was not gving me same time and affection but still my trust remaiend as strong..suddenly he started ignoring me and telling me to study...our conversations now had no romance it would start adn edn in so wts new wts up..? and we would end up saying gdnyte trying to keep away the fights..other nights we would spend whole night fighitng..i would get jealous seeing his gurl friends..and he would tell me that hes always been like this and that i changed now and im more insecure..it was just taht he started getting too much attention from gurls around him and he was not able to make up his mind onthings..he always told me no matter wt happens i know we will end up marrying ..around this time last year this gurl asked him out..and around the same time we broke up too..so he went out with her for a week and realzied that he jsut cannot do it so he came back adn we patched up things got normal for a while and again fights started seeing gurls jumping on his facebookadn sending him hearts and what not..i was feeling cornored..i would see how i wait for him all day and then he comes online at night and tell me i m tired..so from a very happy and healthy realtionship..it became a very sad and depresed relationship bt we still knew how much we love each other and how much we cannot live without each other..for him the only problem wsaz he now didnt want to lose his popularity of being a famous guy at school adn a single one too..now i would ask him to put his relationship status as ina relationship and he would say i cannto do it..so basically over gurls we nopw started to have everyday fights..this was like a year full of depression and stress and two months ago we decided to break up and move on for good alrhough we did try doing this like 5 times at leastnow i know i cannot live without him adn he knows he cares for me as much too but being with me is not letting him do his fun and without me its hard for him to live..( i assume)hes trying to move on and im scared that he really will..he told me not to wait bt then that reminds me of me telling him not to wait bt inside i wanted him to wait..he still doesnt like other guys talking to me adn specific guys he knew who liesk me or asked me out ..if i talk to them it makes him upset..bt at the same time he keeps telling me how hes going to say yes to some gurl and wt not..it hurts me alot ..i have had sleep less nights a lot this whole past year..bt now its life my heart doesnt feel so much..i dont want to lose him and i dont want to say anything..we tried to stay friends over the period of past two months btit didnt work so well andthn we devided that we will just break up and never show each other our faces..bt he did mention that i could still email him if worst comes to worst..i couldnt restit unblocking him from fb and inboxing himhe replied too bt hes lik eu shoudlnt have msged me as i make it hard for both of us..he introdcused me to his family as well and now he jsut doesnt want to talk to me..he says its hard for him to break up with a gurl when there is no fault of the gurl..i thnk everytime i go and talk to him it makes him feel bad adn then he takes it out on me by sayingthings he doesnt mean..i know he holds himself responsible for things..i sometimes hold him responsible too bt then i just recall all the bad i did to him..in the beginning and he just waited for me and now that its my turn to give this test im finding it hard..bt then i say to myself i never got involved iwsth any guy..my life was a comeplely open book to him it still is ..and he has way too many gurls the gurls who hate on me..and who are teh cause of all teh worries..i cant see myself marrying another guy..it makes me sweat to death and i want him to come back..bt idont want to plead him...should i be waiting or should i be forgetting and movioign on..i have screwed up my carerr to the power infintiy..im just insomantic for a few months now..i dotn wanna wend up being soemoone elses wife..i cannot imagine us with two seperatte persons..i just cant imagine how drastically our relationship changed..u guys do u see any hope? at all from at i told yu guys..sometimes a repply can help change perspectives..i need help!
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broke up, facebook, flirt, I love you, insecure, jealous, move on, period, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, alr +, writes (14 February 2011):
alr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks you both for your thoughts on my situation..i appriciate:)sometimes counselling makes u set ur mind...i tried staying offline all day today, watched a movie though in my head i was still fighting with my thoughts bt i avoided coming to my room adn going online..these were all the suggestions i gave my friend when she was coming out of a break up..bt have to agree when u are the one who has to deal with situations, it tends to be hard..bt im gona keep fighting until i win the battle..for now i know..if him and i are meant to tie a knot, nothing will forbid it from happening and if we are just not meant to be then i cannot do enough to win him back..and as agent" said it will be nothing but a bandaged heart..so i let him go..if things are meant to be..he will come back stronger than ever..
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 February 2011):
Hi there. As much as you like each other, it's a long distance relationship.
You aren't seeing each other, just contact by Facebook or some other such thing. Is that right?
You are 6 hours apart in distance, so it's very difficult to see each other very often. This is the major part of the problem. Because of the distance, you don't see each other, so it's Facebook or nothing. It doesn't take very long to run out of things to say to each other.
Things are now changing because he's going to university. So consequently, he is now meeting lots of girls.
I would suggest not speaking to him on Facebook quite so often. Don't leave any messages on it for him say for 3 or 4 days. And instead, go out and enjoy your life with your friends.
In other words, don't go onto Facebook every single spare moment you have. At night if you are aren't going out, just sit and watch tv, instead of surfing the net or checking Facebook to see if he has left messages for you. Just don't go there.
Everything in life happens for a reason.
If you are meant to be together, in the end you will be. However, you can't force it to happen any sooner than it's meant to. You have to allow events to unfold by themselves.
So in the meantime, just go out and have fun and enjoy life. If you meet some nice young men and they ask you out, by all means go out with them. Don't sit at home waiting for this other guy to call you or tell you he's moving into your town. That might never happen.
Just keep an open mind. What will be, will be.
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A
male
reader, agentX  +, writes (13 February 2011):
hey there, i am from india too. See the thing about you feeling insecure is quite natural, and he gettin upset when you talk to other guys is also natural. There is a lot of mind game going on in your relationship. The thing you have to do is you have to be strong and firm in what ever decision you take. get strong and be bold. The thing that is making you depressed is your thinking that you desperately want him back, even if you get him back, it would be like a bandaged heart, you cannot forget the past so easily. I know, when you think about the happy times you shared together, it takes away your self esteem, it also happens when he is flirting or going around with other girls. first and foremost GIVE HIM THE SPACE HE , NEEDS, thats means no text, no email, no offline messages, ZERO CONTACT. In the mean while try to take in your life as it is. Accept the facts, acceptance works wonders to heal your heart. Trust me i had been in a situation where a girl broke my heart, i was depressed, i was drunk all the time, i missed her a lot, i even miss her now, but i accepted it. Just remember one thing if you are depressed to such an extent that you dont want to do anything in life, that relationship is not worth it.I suggest that you accept things and take in your own life, try not to think about that you will get him back as he were. the perspective of his thinking has changed. you appeared to be too weak and needy which is a number one attraction buster. you need to overcome this feeling, pursue your own happiness. its hard at first, but once you get going and find out the meaning of your existence you will never regret or look back. PURSUE YOUR HAPPINESS, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS YOU WONT FIND THAT LOVE AGAIN. And who knows when you change yourself like this he may get attracted to you again. TRUST ME everything will be fine.......
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