A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I love each other but we have a problem in the relationship.We've been together for almost a year, almost right from the start we have been with each other practically 24/7, and about 3 months we started living togther (as we lived a couple of hours apart before) We are also very close and spend most of our time doing stuff together. I am 28 and he is 23. I am currently unemployed due to a back injury and he is also unemployed due to health reasons and has a plan of playing poker professionally.Recently I had started thinking about how things might be together in the future together, We were working on a business together and were interested in moving to a new town. I randomly asked him one day if he had any future plans and he said no. I asked if he had any future relationship plans and he also said no, He doesn't make plans and he just goes with the flow. I was pretty hurt and upset. I felt that we had a close enough connection that at least he might have felt these things even if they don't end up going through. I was shocked that I didn't see this and I thought I had a pretty good perception of the relationship.Basically he told me that he doesn't know if he ever wants to get married and can't be sure he would be even interested in it in the time frame I was (thought about starting to save for a house, and maybe get married if things were going well in the next 5 yrs)He is also starting to get upset that he can't play poker where we are living (currently there is no casino and my house did not sell as planned to move to a better area) and he is upset that he has to live off his savings and is afraid he will not be able to play poker professionally which is his dream. I feel that he is somewhat resentful towards me about this and he is stuck between wanting to be with me and wanting to go play poker (currently because of my injury I can't travel)We discussed all of this for quite a while and he said that he might be able to be flexable about the whole situation once he has a chance to think about it but he feels like he has not had enough life experience to make any future decisions (I am his first real girlfriend)- although he says he does not want another girlfriend. We were starting to try and make things better till the topic of marriage came up the other night and he told me that he's not so sure about the idea and he's trying to see any good out of it. All this seems to be telling me is that he is trying to avoid any sort of commitment because he is not ready but at the same time I wonder do I really have any chance of a future with this guy, He always has a problem of making up his mind about anything and does not have any personal commitments to anything. I know there is no guarantees in life however with all this happening I feel like I'm in denial about the relationship hoping he will change and come over to my side even though he has been very clear about what he wants. Most of the time when I ask him for answers or feelings about things all he can say is "I don't know"There are many great things about him that I love and I do know he loves me as best as he can but I am wondering if I am fooling myself and if there is any hope for this relationship. I just don't want to miss out on all my dreams while he waits to see if he feels like any of them or not. I'm very confused. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks!
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 he's cute, he's lovable and he knows all the moves to make you feel so good. He can be charming, astute, good reader of people. And he's attracted to you. You are a lovely lady, entirely presentable, he likes being around you. Better yet you have some assets backing you, and once your back is fixed you'll have a steady income. In a word you are perfect for him, at the moment, because he's a gambler.
Gambler's can't make long term plans. Even if they come into money it's never going to be enough. For gambling losses are the downside, and it remains important that they still have enough to gamble.
Gambling drives their decision making.
Not being able to gamble gives them the
itches, gambling is what they live for.
How can they make long term plans? When going to where the gambling is will drive their plans for them.
Until they finally work out that gambling never favors the gambler, long term.
And gamblers always inflate the frequency and the value of their wins
And fail to mention their huge inevitable losses.
Gambling is an addiction, just like drugs or alcohol. Gamblers just dress better, when things are going o k
And when they lose they are more likely to reveal their stress in their angry desperate mean outbursts.
Would I have ever considered a gambler?
As a partner?
Negative, in every language in the world.
If they put aside just 50% of every intended stake, and transferred it into an untouchable intertest bearing account (for a 20 year period) then they would have a peaceful old age.
And if they put aside just 50% of every win, and transferred it into a further separate untouchable interest bearing account (for a 20 year period) - they would find that in 20 years that the first account would hold far more than the second account.
Think through your future very carefully. If yoi want stability, order, and children, then this man may not be 'it'. it is your decision on whether you can live with the consequences of living with a gambler.
And only ever put real estate and other property that you purchase with your money, solely in your name. For your own fiscal protection.
Best wishes for the future.
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