A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months now, he's nineteen and I'm eighteen. After A-levels are over we'll be going up to London to watch a bit of Wimbledon and we'll be sharing a room and we've planned to have sex together for the first time together. He's done it before but it'll be my first time and I'm really nervous. As in, really nervous. He's my first serious boyfriend and lots of little things are worrying me, like how I'll look (I've had anorexia since I was 16, but that's not what I'm here to ask advice on) and what the etiquette is. God, I'm so awkward. A lot of my friends and people I go to college with are really blase about who's slept with who at what party and who hooked up over the holidays etc. And I don't know it it's because I've waited longer than them but I just don't understand how they don't care and are willing to just do things casually.So in short, I'm really nervous and what I'm asking is do you have to just take the plunge at some point if you're really nervous? I'm not talking about reconsidering or having serious reservations about doing it, and I don't feel like I'm being pressured into it by anyone, friends or boyfriend (if anything I'm pressuring myself). Sometimes I feel really eager and just want to jump him and other times I feel very, very self-conscious about it. It sounds quite silly but one of the biggest things eating at me is getting naked in front of another person.Any kind of advice or opinion is welcomed! Thank you
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (13 May 2012):
This is a big moment, it’s okay to be nervous. I wouldn’t mind betting that those people who seem so confident were nervous on their first occasion, regardless of whether they’d admit it or not. You’re nervous because this means a lot to you, it’s better that it’s meaningful for you than a casual, empty encounter.You should have an honest conversation with your boyfriend. Tell him that you still want to go ahead (of course you must only do so when you’re ready but it sounds like you are), but that you’re nervous. Explain to him what worries you and let him reassure you. You’ll need to take things at whatever pace feels right and comfortable for you, so you need to have good communication between the two of you. Good communication is key to a good sexual relationship.If he knows it’s your first time and how much it means to you, your boyfriend probably expects that you’re nervous and wants to reassure you. You need to let him know what’s on your mind so that he can know what you need from him. This is a very special moment for both of you. Yes, at some point you’ll have to take the plunge, but you don’t have to bottle all your anxieties about it up, and sharing them will make it much easier for you.I wish you all the very best.
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