A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do you have to be swept off your feet by a person right off the bat for them to be a great match?I've been dating a guy for a few weeks now. I'm looking to start a serious relationship, so I don't want to waste any time with someone I don't think would make a serious candidate for a longterm relationship.I like him enough, and he's a good match for me, but there's just not that 'spark' if you know what I mean. So I'm wondering, is that a sign that it's not meant to be?Part of me says that even questioning it is an answer in itself, but maybe I just have a fairy tale mentality?My last boyfriend and I clicked immediately, but he ended up cheating on me, so shows how much that means.I don't want to pass up a perfectly good guy just because my expectations are too high. So my question is to those of you who are currently in a good, long term relationship: Did you feel like you "knew" right away that they were "the one," or did it take some time?
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Try approaching your relationship in a different manner. You said you like him enough, so why have this additional expectation? Fairytail relationships are nice. Anyone can have one. It takes two, but it has to be created. Just like in a movie. It begins with an idea, making plans, executing plans, and creating a response by the execution.
Try living without expectations. Having high expectations means leaving yourself open for disappointment. I believe too many women have watched the movie Greese, and expect their relationships to just fall into those patterns. I know my ex's and my daughters love that movie. For a while, I believe it was overwatched.
I'm a songwriter as well, and even with that my newest project has taken 3 months and 4 different versions prior to considering releasing it. Both the lyrics and the music have to produce a certain mood and response, if one is off, time for revision.
I believe everyone can have the fairytail if the time is taken to create it. As far as a night in shining armor. that can be done as well. just needs a horse, permits, and rent a suit. Unless he's a way outside the box romantic, I wouldn't expect it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): I think that true love grows with time. And, the spark can take some time. Give it a chance. After a couple of months, if there is still nothing there, then re-evaluate at that time.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 May 2008):
 For me, it took some time to see my now husband as the catch he truly was. But the spark did develop, omg, yes it did! So if there's no spark after some time, maybe he's not the right one for you, but give it a chance first. And don't lead him on if you don't have strong feelings for him after a certain time. What that time is, I can't tell you, but you'll figure it out, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Just think about how you'd feel if he wound up dating one of your good friends, if you'd be madly jealous, then.... well, you just think about that...
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 Hard one to answer - I think love can grow when you spend enough time with someone. The only drawback I have found in relationships like that is that when eveything's not quite so rosy you might look at them and wonder what you are doing with them as there isnt that spark. If my hubbie and I fight I look at him and fancy the arse of him even when I'm mad and I cant be cross with him for long. Our friends laugh at us as we end up smiling at each other and making up immediately. I knew there was something the first time I met him and by the 3rd date was planning the wedding in my head! There must have been something there for you to date him in the first place so dont compare him to your ex and give it time to develop x x
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