A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi. Thanks in advance for any insight you may have on this matter. I am sort of hung up on my girlfriends past. She lost her virginity to her first boyfriend when she was almost twenty. Their relationship got very platonic and stale after a couple of years. Her last semester at college they broke up and she went on a bit of a spree. Having sex with four guys in 6 months time. She had known all these people from college except one who she met and spent a couple days with before sleeping together. After that she had sex with an old friend dated him for six years. Is this pattern typical for women? To react to a boring relationship by sleeping around a bit. Is 4-5 guys in six months extreme or par for the course? Do many girls go through this type of phase? Please let me now if I'm completely paranoid or out of line. I don't want to burden her by asking for an explanation so here I am asking you
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (13 January 2010):
 The answers to your questions are yes, yes, possibly, yes and no, yes and maybe. Yes, it CAN be typical at her age and under the circumstances. Yes, it CAN be a reaction to a previous boring relationship. Four or five guys (or more) within six months is certainly a possibility. Some girls do, perhaps "many" in her age bracket, but no, not most. And maybe you are paranoid if she is with you now and apparently happy and satisfied,
A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (13 January 2010):
 I got fixed on my girlfriends sexual history, like I said on another post, I came to realize it was because I was so into her, I wanted to know what made her tick, what she was thinking, feeling, wanting, when she was doing it, I had NEVER EVEN ASKED!!! any of my previous girlfriends or cared, which was why I started tripping, when my mind started getting curious thoughts about this girlfriends, It bothered me a little, just because I wanted to change the past(she seemed to deeply regret every sexual encounter she had except for 1 guy), but most every girl ive ever met, once she get's it (generally in high school) she goes into some sort of a cock trance, for a period of time, then they come out of it, and just seem to be normal, my ex called it a slut spree, but im not a chick, im a dude, and have been on a 32 year slut spree! I dont know why some of you guys put so much thought into just for what it is? it's not like it matters! really, what can anyone do about the past? nothing, and like it!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): It's common to have a phase like she did.
Of course it's also common to have drug addictions, rent evictions, bankruptcies, infidelities, criminal records, etc. I dont see how something being common is any reason to overlook it.
If her behavior goes against your principles or wants in a mate, then move on from her. If you can accept it, then accept it unconditionally. It's not fair to her (or you) to be in the middle on this.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (12 January 2010):
 Whether or not women go through a phase is neither here nor there. You need to get a grip on yourself.
Why are you so bothered about what your girlfriend got up to before she met you?
If she was a drug user, or a serial killer, then you have every right to ask questions, and worry about your health. But it seems like you want to know WHY she decided to have sex in the past. Why do you think?
Some men (implausibly) hate that their 30 year old girlfriends were not virgins when they met. Others want their 18 year old girlfriends to have had some experience.
So many men seem to worry themselves to death about their girlfriends pasts. Seems like a self esteem issue. What difference will the knowledge make to your relationship? If you find out that she had a low number of partners, and bad sexual experiences, will that make you love her more? And suppose the opposite is true. Will you love her less, or maybe dump her? What is the problem? You seriously want an EXPLANATION as to why your girlfriend slept with people before you?
Unless you have reason to worry about her sexual health, her number of partners, in whatever period of time, isn't really your business.
Right now, she is YOUR girlfriend. She chose you. She is with you. She sleeps with you. I guess she loves you. But all you are concerned about is what she done in the past!
I think that you should concentrate your efforts on making this relationship a great one. If you love this girl, numbers should not matter. Show her love. Make it impossible for her to see anything but a fantastic future with you. Her past has made her the woman she is now. So don't fear it, embrace it. Her past, good or bad, is what shaped her and brought her to you.
That knowledge should be more than enough.
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