A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am really curious and need women to be honest here.I've been dating this girl for about 4 weeks and we are starting to talk about making it exclusive. She's amazing, and I am pretty sure she thinks the same about me.So she asked me the infamous question. "How many girls have you slept with?" I asked why she wanted to know. She stated it was an important factor in her considering who she has as a boyfriend. I told her I had slept with 4 women total. Only one being a one night stand, the rest serious relationships. Although, I wanted to be honest with her I brought my number down a little bit. I have really slept with 5 women. 4 Serious, 2 fling.So I asked her what about her. She told me she has slept with 3 guys. 2 serious boyfriends, and 1 was a guy she dated on/off for about 3 months. (he lived out of town.)My question is, "Do women give an accurate number of how many people they have slept with?" Or like men do they gray the number and bring it down a couple. If so, by how much?Some honest answers and numbers would be great! Thanks.The reason I ask is because she had very overprotective parents and moved states away to live with her sister. It was the first time she was "free" so to speak. The town we live in is small, and she has admitted going on about 22 different dates over the course of 2 years before I met her. But she says she is very picky and all of the guys she went on a "date" with last for 2 weeks TOPS. But seriously? She went out a lot, (myspace pics) and she wants me to believe she never went home with a guy? She never really gets drunk though, as soon as she gets buzzed she stops drinking. I've seen that...However, a couple of times these guys have seen us together at Chili's, or at church and there is always that awkward feeling where she introduces me and we talk for a minute. But I get the sense they have slept with her. Why? I don't know, but it's just a feeling. Maybe because when I have slept with a girl and see her with another guy I have made those same awkward, "Hey! How are you?" comments?What do you guys think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): Thanks ladies. I know it doesn't really matter unless it was like over 10. But that's just me.
I was looking for a ballpark figure to where if she would or did lower the number by how much a average girl would. Or if anyone would have like 20 and say, "oh it's only 3." lol. But she doesn't seem like she would do that. I'm sure she lowered her number. No way of finding out now though. :)
Never thought of it that way though. I said 4 and she says 3. lol. She said she just couldn't be with a guy that had more than around 5. I can understand that. If she had more than 4 it would be a stretch for me.
Thanks for the help!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): You said four and then she said three. What a weird coincidence...
(You both lied).
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A
female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Can't speak for other women but the number changes depending on who I am talking to (I am also 36 so my number isn't around 2-5) but my guess is, if she said three, it is three or at the very most 6. Pretty hard to tell someone it is three when its over 10 thats a big stretch. We have to have some secrets and also be allowed to omit some people from our memories :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): I doubt it was an accident that she wanted to hear your number first and then she gave you one slightly lower.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 June 2010):
 So you're assuming she's lying and you want the delta guesstimate from us? Um, it doesn't work that way.
So I say, she's lying, and double it. Or she's lying, and triple it. Or quadruple! Or quintuple! Where do I get my data from? Thin air. I don't know your girlfriend, I don't know how she things, I have no idea if she would lie or why she might lie.
We get some posts here where the girl is a virgin and has lied to the guy that she is not. That's so he doesn't thinks she's weird or defective or something.
Your antennae sound pretty twitchy and sensitive and I think you have some reason to doubt her veracity other than meeting a couple of friends of hers. Maybe they're shocked that she actually has a date, she has a reputation for being so unobtainable and unapproachable. It's all in your analysis of their facial, body and verbal cues,and you could be so paranoid you're reading into things.
If she has overprotective parents to the point that you can't speak with her, why wouldn't you believe that she never went home with a guy? Wouldn't her parents have flipped out that she wasn't present and accounted for somewhere that they knew about?
Or maybe she's a wild and wanton girl who likes some casual sex from time to time, and she's lying through her teeth because.... well, why? Because she wants to deceive you and drag you down into her life of deceit and hateful lies and wild and wanton sex? Gosh, that sounds super-strange. Because she likes you and doesn't want to lose you because she had sex with more people than you did?
Look, some people lie about this, some people don't. If you are so concerned about this, lay some verbal traps for her and see if you catch her out. If you do, by god, don't flip out on her, just break up with her and let her go. But be sure you don't mess up a promising relationship because you doubted a truthful woman.
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 I don't think you can generalize this. It depends on the person individually.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (22 June 2010):
 You should be honest. What is really the difference between 4 and 5? She went one below you, so either it really was 3 or if you would have said 5, she would have said 4. That's called... the upperhand in future arguments. LOL! No jk.. I have no idea if she's telling the truth. People are all different so there's no way to make an assumption of her hoensty based on anyone else's. WOmen tend to put more emotions into sex than men do (TEND TO), so it's very possible she didn't want to sleep with those guys after two weeks, or getting drunk or whatever. I know I would never sleep with someone I wasn't in a very committed relationship with. I never have, never will. Hub was the second person and the firs i was with for four years.. so.
Your question to whether or not she's downplaying really isn't answerable by anyone but her and her partners. I say you go back to her ASAP and tell her the truth about your numbers. She might be upset for a little while, but honesety words better when it's sooner rather than later. OR then if she lied, maybe she'll come clean as well.
Blech, who knows.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 June 2010):
 I'm pretty sure that depends on the women :)
I think most will tend to down play the number, but if they feel a deep connection with the partner I think they will be honest.
Just because she is awkward around other guys when introducing you doesn't mean she's slept with them.
I say either you trust her or you don't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2010): Well that really depends on the girl. You can't say that all girls are the same. I myself would keep it clean an tell the truth because I'm not ashamed about myself and what I am doing with my private life. Although there are girls who have been fulling around quite a bit and they tell lies to cover themselves. Get to know this girl a bit better and you'll soon find out whether she is telling the truth or not. I recommend you tell her the truth as well. A little lie can grow into something ugly.
NightFairy
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