A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend would tell me that I'm too much into her, like spending time with her, calling , texting and sending her gifts . So she said that I should socialize with other people as well so that I couldn't not be hanging on her head 24/7. Thought over our entire situation and started making friendship with girls online and also would spend time with them and reduced it for my girlfriend. Now she is running after me saying I'm jerk and I'm not being honest with her but she still loves me , blah , blah. I have made only friendship with these girls not sleeping around and I think my girlfriend over reacting again when I'm doing exactly that she had asked me to do so early on . With due respect , why girls are so confused ? Or you like a guy who is always loved by other girls ? In plain and simple words, you like man who is in demand and valued by other women ? I know I'm playing game, but who forced me to do so? I'm not saying my girlfriend is not a nice person, she has done and doing many things for me but the reality is was not liked the way I was. What should I do now? Should stop playing this game or keep it going ?
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (5 August 2013):
 You went from being clingy and overly-affectionate to talking to other girls online.
No, this does not mean that making your girlfriend jealous is the key to maintaining a relationship. It just means that you went from one extreme to another, neither of which are appreciated by your girlfriend.
Can't you settle somewhere in between the two behaviors? When you spend time away from your girlfriend, can't you be doing something for yourself? Do you have any hobbies or interests that you can enjoy alone and that DON'T include talking to other women?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): How would you feel about your girlfriend meeting random guys online and going oit with them???
She obviously meant you spending time on hobbies, with other males even, on sports and other interests. Female friends are fine but in a very reasonable and restricted way because you have a girlfriend and there are boundaries that you should respect.
She meant that you have a fulfilling life on your own too, you took her words and twisted them. She said to socialize for your own well being, not to go out with other females by yourself.
Again how would you feel if she went alone with other males???
Talk it out, if these other females are mych more important to you that you cannot see her side of the story you might want to let her go.
games are for children, if you care about stop the games and stop making her miserable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): "With due respect , why girls are so confused ? Or you like a guy who is always loved by other girls ? In plain and simple words, you like man who is in demand and valued by other women ? I know I'm playing game, but who forced me to do so?"
Your girlfriend didn't force you to play games. She told you to be less clingy and to have a hobby and social circle apart from her (which means hanging out with friends, not meeting random girls online). You're the one who decided to spite her by meeting girls and, let's be honest, get her jealous.
People in a relationship should have their own respective interests that they can fulfill independently and enjoy it.
It's called alone time or "me" time and it's a healthy component to a relationship.
If you take that to mean "started making friendship with girls online and also would spend time with them and reduced it for my girlfriend" then you are the one who is confused.
Grow up. If not, I'll be scratching my head on why your girlfriend is still with you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 August 2013):
 Basically she is saying your relationship fell into a rut and became boring.
I don't think you were flirting with girls online, or being spiteful. I don't think you are playing dumb but you are clueless and not trying to read in between lines. You were only socializing only because she told you so. Maybe you have no interest in male friends, or friends in general. Maybe you are a gamer loner. She is just suggesting you do other things to keep you occupied, which for "normal" people it involves watching sports and drinking beer with buddies. She could be bored with doing and talking about the same things with you every day. Give her some space and me time. What you do alone is your business also. You could be a computer geek or musical instrumental geek, just don't let her be your sole focus. She wants to be able to have interesting conversations, she wants to be proud of your achievements. Making female friends to act normal is not one of them.
I don't particularly value men who are chased by other women. I think one on one is enough. I stay away from popular guys. Remember, don't make friends just because someone told you to. You can have a fulfilling life doing solitary things too. Find that thing that captures your mind, your curiosity.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): She was asking you to go and make your own circle of platonic (probably male) friends, not to go out and flirt with other women to try to prove some kind of petty point. You sound very immature and selfish, and if you want any chance of saving your relationship, you need to stop playing games and build up your own life outwith your relationship with your girlfriend. She shouldn't be the only person in your life, but equally she should be the most important and she should be treated with respect.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 August 2013):
 Come on don't play dumb. Your gf must be a very patient girl, I don't know many women that would tolerate your bad faith and smartass attitude.
Your gf thought you were acting too needy and clingy , I am sure she appreciated the attention, but she knows that an adult life cannot be ALL about a your love relationship, it's not healthy. So she encouraged you to pursue different interests, the interests that are appropriate for a guy in a committed relationship : hobbies, sports, intellectual interests. Friends too, even female friends, in a respectful way that does not take anything away from your relationship.
What 's the only thing you could come up with to occupy your time ? Playing Lothario on line with a bunch of strangers, flirting, fishing for attention, getting your ego stroked , devoting too much time to female newcomers over your own Gf. And when she complains... it turns out it's HER fault , just because she encouraged you to live a normal relationship , not a fusional one as if you were 16....
I hope for her she is sensible enough to get disgusted soon with your petty, mean spirited games. So you will have even more time to become popular, in demand, and " loved by women " as you want to be. And she can find herself a real grown up, self confident man who does not need groupies to feel good about himself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): She meant make friends with some GUYS not women. You are being a jerk and I would have gotten upset too. Stop chatting with females online and get out and make some friends with guys and stay away from other women.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2013): You are an adult and shouldn't be playing games with your girlfriend.
Your girlfriend was suggesting that you make some friends and not centralize or focus all your attention on her.
She wasn't suggesting you go out and flirt with other women. You knew exactly what she meant, and you're being a wiseguy.
You can't smother people with attention. They need time to breath. She wants you to get out and make some male-friends and do things we guys like to do. Talk, watch sports, play sports, and do handy things around the house.
You took up with women in a spiteful way, and now you're messing with her feelings. You are going to get a boot out the door, if you keep it up.
People have to socialize with others in order to have a broader outlook on life. We make friends, because it is good to have people we can turn to in a crisis, people who advise us, and help us to celebrate life. She meant for you to find your own support-group.
You are twisting her words into something to hurt her.
Someday, she will tire of your nonsense and smothering, and she will leave you. It will be your own fault.
To answer your question, women do want their man to be attractive. They do not want a man flaunting the fact he can get attention from other women.
In America, we call such a man a jerk. Women would call him an "asshole."
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