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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 39, have 3 children under 10, one from a previous marriage. I live with my partner and he is the most ignorant person I have ever met. I got pregnant 10 months afte meeting him and I didn't think it was fair to freeze him out of our lives, so I stayed. We had another child, but I have never really loved him. I want to, but he is so remote, ignorant and selfish. He isn't mean with money, but he never talks to me, never hugs me, never takes me out, never makes love to me. He smokes pot every night and falls asleeps on the settee. The kids don't see him smoking, but they accept that Daddy sleeps on the settee and that he and Mum are always sniping at each other. Its getting that I hate him and I resent him being in my life. I want to leave and take the children with me. I know that I'd need to apply for benefits and housing, so that part of it I know how to deal with, but what do I tell the children? I don't want to meet anyone else, I just want me and them to live in a nice little house where we can be happy and they can see Daddy as much as possible.How do I deal with the emotional side of all this? I can cope myself, as I have become tired of living with someone who doesn't care whether I stay or leave. Its just the children I'm worried about. I've always believed that you should stay together for the kids no matter what. Its getting to the point when I'm worrying that it may be detrimental to them to stay.
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female
reader, Wolf Paws +, writes (11 October 2006):
 Well, as for the bit about the children i know that when my parents split up (i was 12) I was more relieved than anything. Believe me, everyone says that they stay together for the childs sake but even though after divorce money is scarce, children are often happier if they are living with the right parent. My mum made it exciting by fussing over the fact i would have a new room that i could decorate any way i liked and that i would have two houses, Mums house and Dads house. I was definitely relieved to be away from all the arguments and shouting and if your Husband is smoking in the house it'll probalby be a relief for them to get away from the fumes. Pot fumes for children at such a young age could be dangerous. For the sake of you and your children i would get away from there. Its unfair to them to keep lying and keep them in a potentially dangerous environment. Maybe even sitting down with your children and asking them what THEY want will help. Makesure whatever happens your children are clear that it is not their fault, that mummy and daddy no longer love eachother and as long as they are with you i'm sure everything will be ok. Good luck, I hope this helped,
Wolf Paws -x-
A
female
reader, steemo  +, writes (11 October 2006):
 the kids will bounce back they may even enjoy the change you sound really fed up and the longer you put up with it you will just stay fo an easy life .... it hard i no starting again but it be worth it in the long run you dont want the smell of pot roung the house or sat there board why he smokes his head off ..... start and put a little bit of cash away so when you do decide you wont be on your arce and you will find it a little easyer
sometimes i ask the same question if we had planty of dosh to live comfotabe to depend on ourself would we stay in crap situations the ans is no you would be of like a shot
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A
male
reader, Robin +, writes (10 October 2006):
Hello Anon.
Nice pickle eh?
I don't know you, I don't know your partner and I don't know your kids, but I've known many like you.
Seems to me that there has not been any love in your relationship and it's just been "convenient" for you to stay together.
And now you're feeling the strain aren't you?
It's not my place to advise you as to whether you should go or stay, but you have to consider your sanity and the welfare of your children.
Deep inside you have already made the decision, you just want to be re-assured that the decision that you have reached is the right one.
Be brave, take the bull by the horns and do what is right for you and yours, you will all benefit by it in the long term if not the short.
Life will be difficult for the first six weeks after you make your decision, but once you are on the right road things will become easier.
How do you deal with the emotional side?
Take a deep breath, hold it and let it out slowly, thinking all the time how lucky you are to have a fresh start.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006): I know how you feel. Its easy for me to s get out..but im in a similar position. I live in hope that one day something will click and give me courage. I pray evry day that the decision will be taken from me and that it will turn out to be the right one. JUst make sure you are happy. the childrens happiness will fall into place with yours
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