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Frank B Kermit
writes:Your Home Is Your SeductionBy Frank Kermit, RelationshipsYour date is coming over to your place! You have seen each other a couple of times already, but this is different. This is YOUR PLACE, not some coffee shop or movie theatre or restaurant. This is home field advantage. And why not? After all, there is no cover charge, you don’t have to share a public washroom with strangers, you can put your feet up, a meal is way cheaper, and you can even prepare the meal together as part of the fun! What could possibly go wrong? Well, depending on how you live at home…plenty could go wrong, and even though you might be able to keep your date intrigued enough, your place could be a turn off in ways you might not know.Generally speaking, your place is one of the best locations to have a date. It meets all of the “Frank 5-Star Criteria” to decide if a location is suitable for a date, including the ever-challenging Sex-Ability Factor (the ability in a location to provide for a sexual act to happen at). As long as you feel safe with someone coming over, your place is likely one of the best places (if not THE BEST place) for you to host a date. However, there are pitfalls. If your home is not a warm and receptive environment that makes visitors feel invited to overstay their welcome, you could inadvertently be pushing away your hearts desire. If your home is un-kept, smelly or a trigger for guests with allergies, that great new person in your life might have reason not to see you again. For example, having pets and being an animal lover is no excuse for an overflowing litter box, or inappropriate cage crust dangling off the unchanged newspaper lining. On occasion, I make coaching house calls for people that seek out to create an alluring seductive homestead to help them attract sexual partners and/or relationship candidates. Some people may require an objective eye to help them spot those idiosyncrasies that the proprietor may be oblivious too. The single 20+ woman who can not understand why her lover would not want to spend the night with her after sex, may have to re-consider replacing that single twin bed with something bigger like a queen-size mattress so both of you can get a decent night’s sleep. That single 30+ male gamer might have to re-think how unsexy his Star-Wars bed-sheets are to a woman that may already have young children and does not want her “mommy” instincts triggered. If does not matter that the single twin bed is uber comfortable, or that the bed-sheets are an expensive vintage commodity. If those things are killing your chances to get you the love life you want, put them in storage.New parents must adapt their home environment to suit the new addition to the family, and make their spaces child-friendly, complete with electrical outlet covers, foam paddled floors, and exchanging the glass coffee table top for something toddler resistant and less jagged. If you have a new addition in your life (such as a new goal of finding someone to share that life in some capacity) you also have to adapt your living space to reflect what is important to you.Here are some general guidelines.1-Your sexuality must be displayed. This is usually best done through your choice of artwork. If you are single and living alone, let your artwork reveal what you like. Nude sculptors, sexually themed ornaments, even provocative paintings displaying your sense of playfulness will communicate what secrets someone can share with you, and what you are open to experiencing. If you feel too stifled to share yourself in your own safe space, those that visit you in that space may feel too stifled to share themselves with you as well.2-Forget “nice” decorations. Every item for decoration, whether paintings for the wall, or an artifact like a candle-holding knick-knack, MUST be there for a reason. That reason is to further the art of conversation. If the only reason you have it is because “you like it”, that is not good enough. It must be linked to a story you can tell such as a souvenir from one of your travels, or linked too a special memory that you would want to share. Once it is established for your guest that each item in your home reveals a story to share, your guests will be more intrigued to discover what mysterious motivations inhabit your home.3-Maintain it as if you always have a date coming over. If you are the type of person that must scramble around the house for hours to get it just right for a date to come over, you are working too hard. First, that much work is an emotional investment you are making that can be interpreted as neediness on a date. Second, getting your place ready each time sucks up your energy that is best spent getting to know your date and being your best self. Whatever the set up you have when a date comes over, is the way your place should look at all times. If you only bring out certain candles when a date arrives, or put a particular bottle in the fridge, or move your furniture around to create an ideal setting, it is best to always have those candles out, your bottles in the fridge and your furniture in the ideal settings at all times. The energy levels you will take on your date that you saved from a massive cleaning will be well reserved to help create an outstanding evening.4-Your Bathroom represents your Genitals. I know, I know. Sound utterly ridiculous. However, that is the analogy I use to explain the importance of a clean washroom. If there was one area of your home that needs extra care, it is the washroom just as if there was one area of your body that needs extra care it is the genital area. If you want to really turn off a potential lover, a dirty toilet and moldy shower curtain can do it. The bathroom is usually the very last place a person visits before sex. A bathroom that creeps out a person will have a very different effect than one with appropriate artwork (see above), scented candles already lit, a fresh shower curtain and a sparkling toilet. If you want to have a spectacular love life at your home, and you don’t have the time or the inclination to clean the bathroom, hire a cleaner to come over for a couple of hours each week to scrub it down. It is worth the investment. 5-Have extra toiletries. Here we are in the bathroom again. Always have extra toiletries for guests staying over night. Extra bars of soap still in the package, extra toothbrushes, extra mini-tubes of toothpaste, contact lens cleaner just in case, for the guys make sure to have some tampons and pads handy, for the girls keep men’s saving cream and disposal razors handy, and always keep a big clean warm towel reserved. The key factor is that those toiletries stay at your place after your lover leaves in the morning, and it encourages your over night guests to want to come over again, especially when they know they already have their own toiletries there.Making the effort of “pimping your pad” can be the difference between using your toilet to enhance your love life, or your love life being in the toilet.Frank Kermit is a relationship coach available for private coaching. He is a best selling author, educator, relationship columnist for The West End Times Newspaper and also appears regularly on the CJAD 800 AM radio program Passion. From November 23rd to 25th, Frank will be speaking and presenting at the Salon Vivre en Solo/Solo Lifestyle Convention at Place Bonaventure. Come out and meet Frank in person at Frank’s weekly relationship workshops offered every Saturday night from 7pm to 9pm.
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