A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im 21, he's 28. we're coworkers at a restaurant. ever since he first kissed me out of nowhere a year and a half ago, we've been making out, texting, even hanging out when we can outside of work. we never hooked up. hes not pressuring me at all, im a virigin. we tell each other 'i love u' and all, i did fall in love with him in all this time. i feel like were stuck in this zone because hes still technically married. they still live together, but they both claim to be single. (i used to work with his wife but she quit cause they always argue at work she didnt wanna work like that, so she quit) she also has a boyfriend. so anyway,i never felt guity about him and i, whatever we do have going on... so tonight, we were talking.. i was talking about being scared to drive in this crazy snowstorm and i was like i dont wanna die just yet... thats when he said "u cant die until u marry me first" ...i just smiled at him and that was that. i was just in shock i didnt know what to say!! but i liked it. and i would marry him if he would ever propose, but how is he supposed to do that when he is still married to her?? ugh.i never thought i would be in this position, ever. but it just happened. and now i love him and i cant stop thinking about him.. do we have a future? did he really mean what he said? i mean, we're not even in a commited relationship.he is the sweetest guy ive ever met, seriously. a few months back, he got me this stuffed animal puppy with a bone in its mouth saying 'kiss' because i told him i wanted a puppy or whatever but i cant get one. so he said he'd get me one, and he did.is there a such thing as "too long" to wait for him to divorce? i mean, we've had this going on a year and ahalf already..and nothing much has changed. i love him with all my heart,but at times i feel emotional and depressed that hes still married. so at times i wonder if we actually do have a future...what should i do?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 hi
you say your not in a committed relationship but you sound to me as if your committed to him! so you should be able to ask him a few things such as why he still lives with her? is it for financial reasons or is there still something more? i wouldn't take his 'proposal' seriously, people can ask you to marry them very easily, especially when he knows he cant marry you coz he already is married! don't take this 'married-but-not' situation at face value, else you are entering into something blindly and that is never a good idea.stay as you are now if you want to, but don't progress further (sexual relationship) with him until his marriage is over. are you sure his wife does have a boyfriend? does his wife know about you?
xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): "hes still technically married"
No, he's not technically married, he is married, and you are being played like a fish on a line.
He doesn't love you, when you love someone you don't do this to them. He doesn't love his wife either, but that's not your problem UNTIL YOU BECOME HIS WIFE.
Go on the internet and read about cheating and affairs and why they happen...and what happens to women and men who marry after their affair breaks up a marriage.
You may no understand this, but you are in for a world of hurt if you continue on with this guy, a whole world full of hurt. If you get depressed now, wait till you are the one at home and you know what he's doing at work (what he did with you while he was with someone else).
Really, you are helping him cheat on his wife, your are "the other woman".
In the USA it doesn't take much to get a divorce....all you gotta do is do it...
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Ditto on Dirtball. Sounds like you didn't ask him the essential question as to when he is getting the divorce, and why he has not so far. Until that's resolved, don't get in too deep.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (30 December 2010):
 There is something keeping them married. It's not good that he hasn't finished the divorce if they are both dating people. That's just weird. Couple that with the fact that they still live together and it's just trouble.
He may be sweet, but I just listed two red flags. He may love you, but he will never be yours unless he gets a divorce. Right now he's just a cheating husband to a cheating wife.
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