A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do relationships develop from sex?I’ve always been the type of person who hasn't slept around and would never let myself be used by a fella for sex. By doing this I think I have kept men at arm’s length and therefore have never developed any long term relationships. Although I’m not a virgin but I can’t help but think of missed opportunities that didn’t develop because I held off. So I am asking should I just sleep with whoever I fancy and see what happens? And can relationships develop from sleeping with someone you just met?The advice I have been hearing for years is to leave sex until the fella wants to actually be with you but I’m starting to question whether that’s the right thing to be doing, as I would love to be in a relationship now.I’m not short of men trying it on but I always think they are just after the one thingAny advice will be welcomed. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (24 January 2013):
If you sleep with a guy on the first date, he will never respect you and he will never look to you for anything other than sex. If subsequent guys find you did this with other men in the past, many will also see you this way, whether you did so with them or not.
Proceed accordingly.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (23 January 2013):
 "do relationships develop from sex "(sleeping with someone you just met.Sure most will be very short relationships. As soon as the guy gets what he wants or gets tired of you he will be off looking for another girl like you that he does not have to invest in, can have his fun and run.Guys are not going to invest there lives on a girl that gives it away. You will be on the loosing end. Your heart will be fragmented where it will be broken over and over, or it will be hardened over were you don't care and cant feel love. "have self respect" - you will draw more of the right type of guys.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): Well seeing as how everyone here says that sex is so incredibly important in keeping a marriage together (and isn't marriage the epitome of relationships) I would say that yes relationships can be built up or destroyed based on whether there is sex in it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Sure, they can.
But it's about like saying, "Gee, I learned to ride a two-wheeled bicycle, today .... does that mean I'm likely to become an Indianapolis race car driver?"
The odds are better that you'll end up on the race track in Indiana....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Very very seldom. And not only because of the old " if I've already won the prize why should I run the race ". That too, because , as sexist and close minded as it is, ...it is what it is, and it's a mentality which exists and you have to reckon with it, you can't pretend it does not exist.
But also, for the more sensible reason that for being in a relationship you ( or he ,actually ) need more than just physical attraction or sexual gratification. That's something that anybody can get from a variety of people. For a relationship, there needs to be something more special, in terms of chemistry, compatibility, matching or complementary personalities, life vision, etc. Maybe one out of 100 candidates can be so special. Same as , at the parish charity raffle, ONE prize is good and all the others are disposable junk. So, when you casually pick up a raffle ticket, how can you COUNT it's going to give you the " good " prize, you know that the odds say you'll get something disposable .
Many women make the mistake to start an only sexual relationship, waiting and hoping that with time and "exposure " it will turn into more, but it almost never happens. Most men ( and some women too, tbh ) are perfectly capable to keep sex and love neatly separated , like two different career tracks. A bit like being in the army. If you start as a private, you can be an excellent , valorous , appreciable soldier, you can make it to corporal or maybe more , I guess , according to the corps you join - but you won't ever make it to general, for that you need to have alreday started out as an officer, to have started out from the military academy. And the very fact that you have been selected or asked for casual sex - it means that they don't see you as having high ranking officer potential.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): So what you're saying is you've missed out on relationships because you wouldn't give it up easily? do you seriously want to know what I think. I think this is ridiculous, I really do. Why would you want someone to be with you because you slept with them? Who wants that kind of a relationship? Real men wouldn't want you just for sex, truth be told. Any guy who does is just after a quick fix. If you seek relationships that developed from sex then you are in for alot of disappointment in the future. However, its your choice how you live your life. If you choose to start relationships based on sex then those relationships will be meaningless. Your life though
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 January 2013):
The anonymous guy brought up a good point: guys like things to be easy. If you give it up right away they know they'll be able to have sex with you with little or no effort. Why would you wine and dine a girl if you don't have to.
That effort is what helps form a bond that becomes a relationship.
If he can call you up and say "you wanna hang out at my place?" how can you really developed a decent relationship?
On the flip side, if he wants sex (let's face it, we all do) but he knows he has to work for it, you'll end up on romantic dates, having long talks, in other words you'll be forming a relationship in the process of him trying to win you over.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Hi
It can happen, yes, especially if you haven't a reputation for having sex first date with every man you meet,it all depends on the man,his views,his feelings.
A guy I knew said he didn't hold it against the girl as if they didnt click sexually he wouldn't go for a second or third date.He didnt EXPECT sex but 'went with it' if it happened.
Its not the best way to start a relationship at all, and not something I would agree with,but each to their own
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Its very unlikely for a relationship to develop from sleeping with someone u just met. If you give sex that easily, then you will not be respected for who you are, you'll just be the girl who is ready to have sex on the first date. Any guy who is just after sex is *never* the right guy and if a guy really likes you, then he will wait for you.
A relationship will happen when it has to, there's no perfect one way to start it or make it last. I had a room mate in college who had sex with anyone and everyone just in the hope to have a relationship. What happened eventually was that she was given the worst labels possible and was the laughing stock. Sure she got guys falling all over her, but all the wrong guys who would sleep with her and then never get back with her.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 January 2013):
It depends on how long you waited. If it's a couple of weeks and they lost interest than a relationship was never an option with them. Maybe a friends with benefits one but that's it. A real relationship may develop from a fwb one but it's not very likely.
Don't for a second think that if you don't sleep with a guy within a couple of days he won't like you anymore because it might even have the opposite effect.
They may question how many guys you've jumped into bed with and be bothered by the idea.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): "So i am asking should i just sleep with whoever i fancy and see what happens?"
From a horny young guy's POV, you bet. From the persepective of a realistic older male who respects women, all that sleeping with random guys usually ever accomplishes is earning a girl a reputation as an easy lay who can be had very cheaply with no commitment or obligation promised or implied.
"And can relationships develope from sleeping with someone u just met."
Very rarely. Not many guys are going to want to pursue a serious relationship with a girl who puts out with little effort required on his part. If you've already given a guy what he wants, then he has no incentive to offer you anything more when you have nothing more to offer him.
Females seem to think that continuing to have casual no-strings sex with a guy will somehow increase his emotional investment in wanting a relationship when the exact opposite is true. Most guys would be quite content to simply get laid on a regular long-term indefinite basis. The word "no" is a girl's currency, the more she says it, the more a guy has to be willing to offer her to get her into bed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): Sleeping with a guy straight away is not going to improve your chances of finding love and a long term partner. If anything it will lessen them. Do I really need to explain to you what people here think of women who shag on the first date? As sexist as this sounds they're viewed as trash OP, and treated that way a lot of the time too. I hate to admit this but I viewed almost all my one night stands as meat for me to stick it in then throw away. You gave me sex, what use are you now? Didn't even have buy you dinner.
Do relationships form from sleeping with someone you just met? It happens but not a whole lot OP, more likely to get and STD or a guy who is too rough and won't stop when you say no. You give us the prize then why run the race? Plus you make the whole thing about sex very early on for those guys who do stick around and that's not always good. It does happen though OP, I've known it to happen, but it's not the solution to your problem.
Saying that, you don't have to always wait until you're exclusive or committed OP, the fact a guy is willing to go on dates with you, spend time getting to know you can be enough to take it to a sexual level if it feels right for you.
Most of my relationships I ended up being sexual after about a month or so. I'm perfectly willing to wait for as long as it takes for the woman to be sure but most of the time sex was just part of the dating stage. While I understand why some women want to wait until they're committed first, I prefer to try out the goods before I buy, don't really want a girlfriend who's selfish in bed or crap and not open to getting better.
My advice is simple OP, don't sleep with a guy on the first date, ever. Most will not be interested in you afterwards and you'll have to do it a lot to find a guy who will stick around, doing that will then give you a reputation as a bit of a slapper and most guys won't be interested in anything serious then, only sex.
Date guys, let them take you out and treat you. get to know them and get to a point of trust where it feels right to be alone and intimate with them. It's not fool proof OP you can still get used, the guy still may turn out to be an asshole but that's always the risk but at least you get a chance to figure that out before you let him stick it in.
The only time you should sleep with guys on the first date is if you want casual sex and just want to sleep around. That's fine if you only want lots of guys and only short flings but it's not the best idea if you want a keeper.
OP talk to your friends ask them about your past dates and guys you were seeing, try and identify where it is they went wrong, if at all.
It's possible you're too picky, or not picky enough and the guys weren't worth dating. Maybe one of the things you like in a guy is independence and they didn't like to commit. Maybe you're too stand offish and closed off. Maybe it's just luck and you haven't found the right guy, maybe you didn't give a guy a chance to get to like him etc.
Sex is not the reason you haven't had one yet, could be anything, timing, he messed up etc.
Look to your past dates and see if you can a pattern.
You say you're not short of guys trying, well next time one you fancy tries, give him your number. Let him ask you out. I wouldn't go straight back to his place that night, that guy is only after one thing. A guy who asks for your number and then asks you on a date or even starts texting you regularly is more likely to be genuine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): Most of them Are after one thing, but eventually almost all men end up in a relationship, it seems that's how it works.
I think you just didn't seem to find that guy. How long you postpone sex? If it's over 2 months that's a bit too long, but for. Couple months it seems just right. If they disappear because they didn't get any from you, they would disappear even if they got it.
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