A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend, after a (very long) argument that we had last night, told his friends about it (it was a very stupid argument, and it was my fault). Anyway, he refuses to tell me about what he told them, and what they said about it (apparently though, I would feel embarassed if I saw them again). He says that he has the right to tell other people things about us if he needs external support, and if he tells me what he said, I will get upset (or even feel upset), and that this would force him to self-censor in the future.Do you think I have any right to know what he said (since it concerned me and it makes me look bad)? Now I want to avoid these people because I don't know what he said, and presumably they probably think poorly of me now (deservedly). Also, do people usually talk to their friends about the arguments they have (like in great detail)? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Supreeya  +, writes (4 September 2010):
Do you have the right to know what he said to his friends? its arguable but i'm gna go for 'no'. Reason being because we are all entitled to share our problems with our friends and have them support/adise us through it.
But, you should talk to him about it. Tell him that you think you both need to agree to a system where after an argument you both take time to cool off, but evetually sit down and talk it over. COMMUNICATE with each other. THat way he may not need to go to his friends for advice.
Also, explai to him that you do not want his friends to think badly of you. But remember that his friends' opinions don't matter much anyway, its his opinion that does.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): ok .. so what should i do when i meet these people again? cuz they (i think) told him that he should leave me because i am mentally/emotionally unstable
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Are you trying to make yourself look even angrier and unbalanced to his friends?!
If you truely love him, you will let it go.
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A
female
reader, carenna  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 Well... just answer me this question... When you get mad at him for any reason, Do you go and tell your girl friends?
If your answer is yes... Do you think that telling your boyfriend what you told them and what your friends thought is going to help with the situation???
Sometimes, we need our friends to hear what we feel and maybe some advice, even if those arent good ones, but our friends have different minds and as a result different points of view that can help us to open our minds and see that the argument / fight or what you were mad about it just plain nonsense.
I dont think that you should get mad at him for talking with his friend, I think it should be better if you just try to talk to him and work out the problem
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): If he doesn't want you to know what he said, or what they said, chances are he did make you look bad. He was upset and probably said things he didn't mean, maybe even made the argument look a little exaggerated on your part. I don't feel he does have the right to go in to every tiny little detail with his friends, especially when you're uncomfortable with it and he knows that. Seems to me like this guys a jerk. On the other hand, maybe this fight really hurt his feelings. Look at it from his point of view. How would you feel? How would you react? I hope you find your answer and are able to move on. Good luck.
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