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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi all,I never thought I would come a cross this at this stage of my life and age, I meet this girl that I have been dating for about 2-3 months now, she is 31 and I am 40, she is great we like each other and I am not a starter in dating and sex, however we had a chance to be together alone after 2 months, we sleep next to each other in bed, we kissed , hugged, but nothing happened, I never got that signals that she wants to go for it, nor I was sure she knew what she was doing, so I didn't push it either, I tried to go for it but she wasn't keen!! the day after I was so confused, she is 31 and I thought she has done it by now, anyway it took me another 2 moths to find out she is Vergin! from that moment on I didn't want to do it with her (have sex) ,mainly because I think I would put lots of pressure on our relationship and I also don't think she is ready for it,beside if she has hold it till now she wants more commitment, I am kind of stuck her, how can I go any further if I even can't find out how the sex will be like with her? and as you know this is very important! what happen if I commit myself and don't enjoy the sex ? to be honest I don't she ever sleep with the man, and that is so sweet, but where am i also at this stage I don't want to rush it with her, specially after this discovery, if I take her virginity it is like I got to be with her, to be honest I think that is what she expect, she. hasn't told me but that is the impression I am gettingfor me she is great and so sweet and lovely but our sex life is not right and that bothers me, for me relation doesn't get complete without a good sex and that is unknow for me. I don't want to lose her just for this reason, I love her, i am getting so frustrated with our sex life, usually I have a very great sex when I am with someone, and I love sex. it is no shame to be a virgin but I am kind stuck and don't know what should be my next move? what should I do? please help me. thanks very much
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for comments so far specially where it was mentioned that if she hasn't lost her virginity to date, that is a point I should be discussing and I have been avoiding that and I think will be a difficult discussion to start,
however I am still not so clear of what I should be doing, and may be need more help on this, so if more people can comment further on this I will be very grateful. thanks so much for helping me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Maybe she is insecure about her looks or the way she is as a person, or worried about getting hurt. I admire her for still being a virgin and no one should be criticised for that, no matter how old they are !. Even if someone went their whole life without ever having zex, thats fine too, and it's their personal choice. There is no such thing as normal or abnormal. Everyone is different. And if you really care about her, you will respect and you will discuss this in a reasonable manner. I also understand your needs, and you should tell her whats on your mind,but if you both can't work things out with each other, then, sadly, it may have to end. Good luck !.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (25 January 2010):
 Wow that is totally uncommon!! You need to talk to her and find out what's up with that? I think she has serious hang ups or religious committments. Either way you need to know where her head is at so you can figure out how you fit into this picture, or if you even want to. If she was 18 I would respect and understand her need to remain pure, but after this many years, it's just plain weird. Generally a woman has gotten married at least once, by age 31. Since she has neither had sex or gotten married there must be something else going on. Don't be afraid to talk about things openly, although I suspect it will be difficult for her.
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A
female
reader, lostlove76  +, writes (25 January 2010):
Honestly, virginity is a beautiful thing and is often rare. I would suggest you take the time to see if you are ready for a committed relationship before pursuing sex. I feel that if she has waited this long it should be shared with someone who is ready to commit to her and not just help with losing her virginity. I realize that you have stated that you are into seeing her but it's obvious you are unsure of how committed you are ready to be. So my advice to you is please make sure that you are ready for what comes along with being apart of breaking her virginity. Please don't hurt another innocent party if you know you are not ready. good luck
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