A
male
age
30-35,
throese
writes:Well, tonight (Sept. 19th, 2011), I broke up with my gf. The one who would say something and I'd follow without question. It was good, because she needs someone better than me and I need someone better than her.Advice to men and women: Yes, be a gentlemen when you feel the moment calls for it, but DO NOT let your woman walk all over you. Instead of her saying "We're gonna see a movie tomorrow," try something like this: You look her in the eye and say: "What would you like to do", or "The decision is up to you." that way it doesn't seem like one partner has more control over the other.Ladies, the above applies to you as well, except you reverse the roles. Don't let your man walk all over you and so on and so forth. If you're unhappy and don't think it'll work, get out when you feel the time is right, but try to let him down easy, but still be honest about your reasons.That's my advice. Also, I was on here previously, but decided to leave for a break. Now I'm back for good.
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reader, throese +, writes (21 September 2011):
throese is verified as being by the original poster of the question19reginna84: Yeah, I know. Hopefully all works out for her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): After reading your post things are more clear. It seems your ex has some problems that she will need to work on in order to be healthy again in mind and spirit. Being raped is bad enough, but being raped by someone you love and trust is worse. And it is worse because more often than not people will say "but wasn't he your husband/boyfriend...." No means no!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): Hmmm... this is confusing. She says "We're going to watch a movie tomorrow." But your suggestion is to instead ask her what she wants to do?? So instead of her just tellng you, you ask her to tell you?
I agree it is better to say, "I was hoping we could go to a movie / get dinner/ hang out and watch t.v., what do you think?" That way both people can put in their opinion. Or, if they say, "We're seeing a movie," you can say, "Actually, I'm in the mood to do something else." And you know, if they really want to go to a movie they could go with a friend and you could stay home.
I do agree you shouldn't let people walk all over you, though. :(
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male
reader, throese +, writes (20 September 2011):
throese is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJmtmj: The movie thing was an example and I appreciate your post. DC seemed to have edited my title once again as they have in the past [Mod note: the poster provided no title to use for the article, this mod just double-checked.]p />Anyway, ex was controlling of my masturbation and eating habits. Eating part I don't mind, but the jacking part, well that was ridiculous. Her ex before me had little control and forced her to have sex w/ him. Anyway, she was saying how she's afraid any man who doesn't have any control of his hormones because he might force her.Sex and masturbation are TWO different things and have nothing to do with what happened to her. My mom agrees with that too.Yes, what he did was effed up, but it had nothing to do w/ him playing with himself more than 10 times a day. He was just a really horny bastard who played mind games.Anyway, I've moved on. Date on Friday, maybe.Hope I don't come off as a jackass to anyone, cause I'm not.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 September 2011):
 Maybe its just me, but isn't saying to a girl "what would you like to do" or "the decision is up to you" inviting/enabling her to take/have more control in the relationship?
I don't mean to come off as self-righteous here, but if you don't take control of the reigns, you can't really blame your partner for grabbing them can you? Personally I wouldn't classify planning a date as controlling to be honest... especially if you weren't taking the initiative to plan them yourself... if that makes sense.
Can I suggest that instead of simply asking your partner what THEY want to do with no indication of what YOU actually want to do that you try saying things like:
"I feel like watching a movie, what do you think?"
"Wanna catch a movie?"
That way you can suggest what YOU want to do, whilst still
allowing them the option to voice their opinion or suggest an alternative. Sorry for nit-picking, I'm sure you have better examples of how your girlfriend was controlling you besides forcing you to watch movies...
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