A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with my boss who is married and loves me too. I recently married a guy as per my parents wishes knowingly he is not my type but didnt had any options. I cannot leave the job because it pays me well with other benefits and has ample growth opportunities. I just dont connect to my new husband and feel very painful to think about staying with him together and sharing things.Please advise what should I do?
View related questions:
my boss Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 December 2011):
 Do you live in the same United Kingdom where Margaret Thatcher was once Prime Minister?????
I ask because you question is SO PREPOSTEROUS that I believe that it is contrived.... probably spam... Is it??
You write: ".... he is not my type but didnt had any options.... " What is that all about?
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Just read your follow up, so your boss loves you, and he's really nice... yep, read that story before. He loves you, but he stays with his wife, because he must love her more.. oh no, it's for the kids, if it wasn't for the kids he would be with you.. Yep, that strange kind of love, where he doesn't actually have to give anything, and every day he goes home and kisses his wife and makes love to her and is happy.Yep, heard that story hundreds of times, please read this post, hundreds of women in your situation. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-love-w-a-married-man-how-do-i-cope-w-break-up.html Sometimes they leave their husbands, but the man doesn't leave his wife. Or they don't have sex, they just tell you they love you, so you can hate your husband and be unhappy.Yep, funny kind of love that.. the kind of love that doesn't mean anything and doesn't show any commitment. Kinda like being in love with a movie star, love from afar, something you can't have.I've read your story before, and it never ends well, but it always leaves the woman in tears. Sort out your marriage or leave, but don't believe any rubbish a married man is telling you, because usually it's not true.
...............................
A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (1 December 2011):
 just read your update.
You mention your boss's true honesty,
to who... you? or his wife?
You must realise that you are both decieving someone. Could you ever really trust your boss romantically when he has cheated on his family? Could he ever really trust you when you have done the same?
I urge you to end both your marriage and your affair. When you are BOTH single you can then look at rekindling something. If things are as strong as you suggest, is 6mo (for you both to divorce) really so long to wait in place of a lifetime?
...............................
A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (1 December 2011):
you may not like what I have to say but it comes from experience.
Let your husband go.... there is absoloutly no point prolonging something that is so obviously not working for you. If you are from a non-uk culture in which divorce could mean losing your family, there are places which can support you.
As for your boss. You say he loves you too... I am guessing then that this isnt just some crush, its a full blown affair?
In which case, let me say this again... END IT NOW. If your boss's marriage is so unhappy then HE has the responsibility to leave it. When you are both single, and over your marriages THEN you could consider getting back together. Until then its strictly business ONLY.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 December 2011):
So don't leave your job, divorce your husband. I notice your in the UK, no one can force you to marry. You married because you wanted to, now you are cheating on your husband because you want to.
Poor husband, he hasn't done anything. He'll be so hurt, ashamed and devastated when he finds out. There's more to life than money my dear, there are things like honour, kindness and respect.
Since you don't love or even seem to like your husband, divorce him so he can find himself a decent woman who won't jump in other men's beds.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): Pity your new husband, I hope you let him go as soon as possible to find happiness, this is 2011, we marry for love not to keep our parents happy.He deserves alot better.
As for the married boss, leave him alone too before you wreck even more lives. He should know better.
Grow a backbone, stop blaming everyone else and making excuses, sort out your life before you've wasted it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): Hi,
Thanks for all the answers BUT..
My boss loves me sincerely & we have been working since 5 years now. He said me all about himself before he got into relationship with me. I too never intended to marry him or spoil his married life.
Just that he honestly helped me to grow in my career I got attracted and eventually love happened. I want to continue being with him because is a real gem and for his true honesty and sincere efforts.
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Hi,
You are still young and if you are not happy you should get a divorce. Talk to your parents about the marriage, explain the situation, that you are not happy, and you need their support on making a decision.
If you are not happy, feel this way about your new husband you should divorce as soon as possible. It's better for the both of you. If you stay longer it's only going to make it more difficult.
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, Rabz  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Very sad story with two solution: open up to your husband and tell him what's going on with you, or just try to live with it and give him a chance and see you never know the guy might love you and care so much for you while u care for someone who's already married, and that boss he might be bored from his wife and he want to have fun with you nothing more then that, if he really cares for you , ask him to break up with his wife 1st then you break up with your husband and get marry to the right person which is your boss, that i hopefully loves you and not just want to have fun with you....the right thing to do is stay away from your boss don't ruin his life, it's his choice you just started one new life with a new husband it wasn't your choice but you decided no one obliged to do the step and say YES so its your decision...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): Stop whining and making excuses, start taking responsibility for your actions.
"I cannot leave the job because it pays me well with other benefits and has ample growth opportunities."
Don't forget such perks as a philandering boss who abuses his authority over female employess by enticing them out of loveless arranged marriages into extra-marital affairs.
"I just dont connect to my new husband and feel very painful to think about staying with him together and sharing things."
I feel bad for your husband knowing you'll slowly be turning his life into a living hell he's done nothing to deserve, completely unaware you knowingly married a guy "not your type" just to appease your parents.
If you had a shred of decency (which you don't) you'd
do the right and honorable thing by finding a way to let your husband out of your sham marriage with his self-respect and ego intact.
You and your boss deserve each other.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): First of all I don't think you should marry anyone for any reason other than the fact that YOU are in love with him. It doesn't matter what your family wants, it's what you want. You're the one who will be in the marriage, not your family. If they don't approve, then that's their problem. Parents tend to think they know what's best for their children, which may be true most times, but not all times.
As for your boss, if he's married, you should stay away. Don't get involved with a married person. Put yourself in the position of his wife. What if she's in love with him, and then finds out he's in love with someone else and is possibly cheating on her? That would devastate her. Plus, you never know if he really does love you or if he's just bored in his relationship and wants to spice his life up. The bottom line is some people are so comfortable in their current relationship that they don't want to end it, but they are still bored of the repetition, so they get someone else on the side to make their lives more exciting. It may seem like love to the other person, but most times the married person will not divorce their wife. I know this from experience. So I suggest you don't meddle in this guy's life, but also get a life of your own, not your parents. If you don't want to be with your husband, if there is no love or connection, then move on. Live YOUR life. If you are willing to try to make things work with your husband, though, then do that, because that way you will know that you gave it your best and it still didn't work out.
...............................
|
