A
male
age
41-50,
*ercules
writes: About 10 weeks ago I met a woman through a mutual friend. We've officially been dating for about 8 weeks now. Averaging around 1.7 dates per week. We talk on the phone quite regularly. I'm 25 years old, responsible, and feel fortunate to meet this gal. Due to some family obligations I still live at home. My mother seems to think that the amount of time I'm spending with this woman is completely unhealthy. Of course I disagree and feel the stages of our relationship in terms of emotional connection, intimacy, getting to know one another, etc. have been well defined and have followed a healthy course. My problem exists in that this is becoming a serious point of contention for my mother, and I worry what will happen if I become more serious with this woman? Do my parents have a right to dictate what are healthy/unhealthy boundaries between myself and someone I'm dating? Any thoughts or advice on this issue would be much appreciated. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (16 August 2008):
 Short answer; No. No human being owns another whether they have DNA in commen or not.
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (16 August 2008):
 No they dont sweetheart. Its time you moved out maybe and moved on with your life. If they want you to remain at home they have to respect that you have a life to lead that does not concern them. If they cant then its time for you to get your own place. xx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 August 2008):
 I'm not sure what your family obligations are, but I guess they are important enough to keep you living at home.
Based on your rather clinical assessment of the health of your relationship (you sounded like a doctor reviewing a case, lol), seems to me things are moving along at a sensible rate.
The thing you need to do is to stop sharing so much information with your parents about where you're going and who you're going with. You don't need to tell them that you're out on a date; just tell them you're going out with friends.
If you don't have one, get yourself your own phone.
And as Frank said, you do need to draw your boundaries with your mother, if she is trying to dictate how your social life should be run. The easy way is to stop sharing that information with her. You don't need to be secretive, just be vague and don't volunteer anything.
If things go well with this new romantic interest, don't you think it's time to consider getting your own place? Again, not knowing what the family obligations are, I don't know how viable this is. This living with your parents may become an issue for the woman at some point.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, dreamflower +, writes (16 August 2008):
 I agree with Jen...Just because they are your parents, doesn't give them the right to run your life. Your a human being just as they are, and you have the right of life to pursue whatever makes you happy, within reason. Again, what's so important that you cannot live on your own? You can at least live nearby so that you can still help out, but by all means, don't stay! And who is your mother to control how often you see a woman? Wouldn't she like to see you married with babies of your own? If not then I would seriously ask myself if mom has my best interests at heart! If she does, then tell her she isn't exactly making it easier! I would sit down with mom and dad and explain though you love them very much, and appreciate raising you, it's about time you started your own life. It is no longer up to them to protect or shelter you. As an adult, that job was passed to you years ago.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (16 August 2008):
 If at 25 you still have to ask this, this may be the heart of the issue right there.
First, do not live at your parents house. It is not your home. It is there home. You just live there. Get your own place.
Next, no they have no right to tell you anything about your relationships UNLESS it interferes with their rights as home owners.
Finally, your mother might have issues in competing for your attention and THAT is an unhealthy relationship. It is your job to stand your ground based on your beleifs.
I doubt this is the first time the issue of your boundaries as an adult man have been crossed, and as long as you continue to live with your mother, it will not be the last time.
-Frank B Kermit
http://frankadviceformen.com
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