A
female
age
,
*winkletoesgirl
writes:I am 52 and have been seeing a military man on/off for a year and a half. He chases me, has me then disappears. When we are together the chemistry and connection is wonderful, but I get too close and he says he doesn't want a relationship. His past history, 3 marriages, in love with another soldier gal many years his junior which didn't work out, hurt him immensely. He tells me he is scared, but he knows how I feel. The biggest problem is that I make a lot of money, much more than he does. My kids are grown and gone, and I want to experience life like traveling, shopping, dining out and would love to do it with him. He cannot afford to do anything much, has never had much luxury in his life, and because of his past hurts, disabilities from his deployments, would love to give him the fun, adventure and happiness he so richly deserves. I feel like I wound his pride and emasculate him when it totally comes from a place of caring and generousity. I do not feel he is using me, but does in fact care a lot for me. Is it possible for a man to let a woman do these wonderful things for a man she loves, or should I forget him and try to move on to a more mature, confident, secure man who can handle my monetary situation?
View related questions:
military, money, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 November 2011):
 In a way you have been very lucky. He may be insecure and old fashioned about money, but at least he's a decent guy. Go around advertising that you are a rich generous lady seeking a companion for living it up - your treat- and you risk having all the drifters and gigolos of your State making a beeline for your place.
The problem, though, IMO, is not really your money but his mindset. He does not want a relationship and he told you. You see this as connected to your money offers, but maybe he'd be an indipendent type and not good at committment regardless. 3 failed marriages ? and 1 failed LTR ? I guess he has ( reaonably ) decided that he's not that good at relationships and is better off as a free agent.
So when you offer to help him out, in part maybe it's old fashioned pride " I'll never be a woman's lapdog " kind of thing , and in part it is because he fears string attached . Yours are offers that a wife or a fiancee' would do, or at least a VERY significant other, and his pulling back is his way to tell you : no, my friend, we are not THAT close and we are not going to become it .
A
female
reader, twinkletoesgirl +, writes (12 November 2011):
twinkletoesgirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answer, I know what you advise is the truth, guess sometimes you have to see it in writing before you can bring yourself to make any final decisions. He is really a good man, trapped in a world of mental instabilities and insecurities, but the money issues has always been a bone of contention. He didn't even have enough to get to his son's wedding, and I wanted to help him out... but again, when I offered and told him how important it was for him to be there, he deserved to be there, and it would make me happy to see him there... he up and ran away again for a couple weeks. I was married for 33 years, raised 5 kids, now on my own. As much as I love this man, have the best time of my life when I am with him, the reality of the situation hits me in the face, and I don't want the drama anymore. Thanks again for your answer and support.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): you should move on to someone who's more secure and confident and has fewer issues. This guy has had 3 marriages and another failed relationship - I would say that shows he has some serious deficits when it comes to choosing and conducting relationships. And then on top of that his insecurity over your financial status. Maybe he's better off not in any serious committed relationship.it takes a mature and self-confident man to be OK with his mate making more money than him. It sounds like he is not. i think this is a bad thing because that means that every time the money issue comes up it triggers a sense of shame in him. And he will resent you for "making" him feel this way (even though in reality he's making himself feel that way). Eventually money will become a taboo subject in your relationship. but money is what makes the world go round - you need money to survive, to live, to thrive. And to maintain a lifestyle that YOU want. it's very hard to be in a committed relationship if money is a taboo subject.
...............................
|
