A
male
age
36-40,
*onystarkben
writes:I met a wonderful girl though a friend 4 months ago, and that was it. We see eachother most nights and all weekend and it's just great. I'm really fussy but she is just perfect and she tells me i am the perfect guy that every girl dreams of. Her family love me ( apparently they are hard to please) and we are going on a holiday to Florida together soon.There is just one thing.I am 23 and working at a law firm, i didn't go to University but Lou is, in September. She's doing childcare and i'm just looking ahead that this will be the end. Years ago, my ex went to the same university and we broke up - she got into the whole party scene and she lost interest in me and met a guy in her halls.Lou is going to the same Uni - it's 20 minutes from my house, and i drive now ( didn't years ago) and we were talking and i told her i think it may be the end of us. She told me that i was being silly, that she wouldn't let me go and i can still see her in the week and weekends etc. I said about the " hook up" routine of university and she said she doesn't want to do that as girls who do get a name for themselves, but i'm being reaistic. Like before, it's a whole new life, and i'm sure that most relationships don't survive? I'm trying to hold my feelings back rather than get hurt later, but i think im kinda falling in love with her. She's said that to me also.Don't know what to think :(
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 May 2012):
 You're imagining all these disasters befalling the relationship and all of this is fantasies of the future. Why not fantasize about how fantastic a time she'll have and what a wonderful growth opportunity this is for her instead? Why? Because you are choosing the negative thoughts that are playing across your mind.
Your mind is a tool that can be used to help you but it also seems to be a torture device that people use to hurt themselves.
Take it one step at a time. You are entering a new situation with her, why not let things evolve. Hope for the best and you may be pleasantly surprised. Continue, as you seem to be doing, continue thinking about all the awful things that could happen and your negativity will indeed tank your new relationship.
Live in the present, in the Now. The rest is just make believe.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (9 May 2012):
 I study/work at a university, and I live 20 mins from it.
If you were both 18, and this was the first time going away, and you were both going to be separated, I would probably say, yes, University will be the end of your relationship - not because of the distance but because of the age and maturity levels. Teenage relationships do not last, and the draw of the student lifestyle of parties, drinking and casual sex all take their toll. It is a new world which most teenagers embrace to the full.
BUT - you are older, at 23, more mature, you have a better understanding of relationships. You do not say how old your girlfriend is.
I think the distance will not be the issue here. 20 mins is nothing in a car, and you could easily pop over to see her in the eveings and at weekends just like you do now.
The main issue could be the social side of things. She may well want to hang out more with her new classmates, hallmates, etc and not be able to spend aas much time with you. She will also have studying to do (that is what she is there for!). You may feel a little left out, and that is where resentment begins to set in. She might want to go out on a weekend with her friends, without you. She might want to go out in the week with her friends, without you.....
This is what breaks relationships up.
If you really want to be with this girl, and she wants to be with you, then it can work. But you have to work together to make time for each other, particularly on her part.
I agree, you are jumping the gun a little. If she loves you as she has said, then you do not have to worry. Relax a little.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2012):
 You're jumping the gun. So she's going to uni. it's a 20 minute drive and you have a car...
how about you wait and see what happens?
After all Lou is not your ex....
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (9 May 2012):
 I'm not super clear on whether this is graduate studies or undergraduate that she'd be working on-if it's graduate, there's usually less partying. I know it's still pretty early in the relationship, but does she have to live on campus? maybe you two could live together and you could just commute to work. If not, try to keep in mind that she is not your ex. one can have a good college experience without hookups being involved, so try to trust her. you have all summer with her, and the opportunity to evaluate how it's really playing out as it occurs, everything else is just speculation and worry. so enjoy the time before school starts, and be happy/excited for her!
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